DOSE:

10 mg

smoked

5-MeO-DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

As I pause to reflect on what I experienced nearly 30 hours ago, the most profound moments of my life, I am filled with utter disbelief. My first true experience with 5-meo-dmt was nothing short of amazing, although such a word is painfully lacking.

I have experimented with various other hallucinogens, but that is irrelevant. None of them compare to the state of being that is 5-meo-dmt. Nothing could have prepared me, even when I thought I was ready. Previous hallucinogen experience was only a fake security blanket.

My friend, and fellow psychonaut - 'B', took it upon himself to order 200mg of this fruity-smelling tryptamine. Previous to this experience we had tried it once, with maybe 3mg. Although the effects were very present, they were not particularly convincing or unique. We knew we had to go further; the spirit of the tryptamine was calling us. We set a date a week later, to divulge in the so-called 'void'.

When the day came, B backed out. He had tried it alone two days earlier, in his room, and didn't wish to trip again so soon. I didn't blame him. I declared that if I was going to trip, I didn't want it to be in a house around insignificant material possessions. It had to be outdoors. We agreed to journey into a nearby forest.

I have always enjoyed forests, especially during the spring when life first emerges. They seem to be the only place untouched by humans. As we trekked deeper and deeper into the green abyss, we discovered that we couldn't escape human presence. Power lines plowed through a clearing and old cars dating back to the first half of the century were strewn about. We knew that tripping near those would only 'freak me out'. We went further and eventually found a nice big tree. It would be happy cradling me as I journeyed into unforeseen worlds. I sat down.

The weather was nice and the time was right. B eyed 7-13mg of 5meo into his well-built freebasing lightbulb - roughly the same dose he tried previously. The active dose is disturbingly small, around 1/100th of a gram. It still baffles me how these tiny crystals can so completely destroy everything I thought I knew about reality.

There was some residue left from previous trips, so there was a maximum of 20mg left inside the lightbulb. Anxiously, I applied the flame and vapor slowly crawled up the sides of the glass. Thinking I had vaporized everything, I took a hit. Immediately I was in a place reminiscent of my 'trip' a week earlier. My nervousness immediately disappeared. This wasn't so bad. I was content with this, but B saw a problem - I was still speaking.

'We're going for round two.' he announced as he applied the flame to the bottom of the lightbulb. Although skeptical that we would get any more vapor, I agreed that I had to go further. I was soon surprised as the glass was once again filling with whitish smoke.

I was not prepared for what was about to happen. Mere seconds after I took that second hit, I felt my brain accept this not-so-foreign substance. I was climbing, quickly! After four seconds, my breath got caught in my throat. My first reaction was something along the lines of 'hoooooly shit'. I was climbing so fucking fast; the rush is mind-boggling. The change of realities is like the flick of a primordial lightswitch.

And then, I was. I felt my face relax and go into an expression of awe. My body flooded itself with adreniline. My heart rate jumped but I could do nothing but sit and stare. I looked upwards and my vision fixated on the countless tree limbs that were gently blowing in the wind, gesturing to me. Immediately I was presented with the choice: to follow my bodily adreniline, fight this and freak out, or to accept this amazing state of being. I'll always lose the fight. I chose to relax and was comfortably projected into a reality of somewhat innate familiarity. I had only the moving trees, B, and my breathing for comfort.

After reading so much about the Void, I would have thought that I could recognize it. I couldn't. It was so alien that language cannot even bear to come to terms with it. Society makes up words like 'tripping' to try to standardize what its like to feel this, but language always falls short, especially among those who have never felt it themselves. You have to experience it yourself for that word to have meaning. This was not a visual trip; I saw relativly little movement. Applying a negative tone, one could describe it as being effectively brain-dead. Seeing it positively, one could describe it as being in heaven. Much like an analogy for life itself, it all depends on how you look at it.

I had no thoughts. Time lost any meaning. There was no 'me', I was simply an observer. Everything that I knew to be 'me' vanished in a split second, and I was left with nothing but the movement of the trees. Imagine perceiving non-existance. Was I on Earth? Was I dead? I feel as though I stumbled onto a divine truth - the meaning of life. This is what 'life' is about, this is what humans have been striving for since their very beginnings. This was humanity praying to the heavens; this was humanity performing sacred rituals. I could see the earliest human beings smoking toad venom. This is it, this is why humans do drugs. Beautiful.

A couple minutes later, as the trip subsided, 'I' re-entered myself and felt a sense of relief. 'What...just...happened?' I realized I could look elsewhere than the treetops. Looking down, I saw the forest's green stretch into infinity. I was still feeling a very nice 'afterglow' - everything was divine and I was happy. I felt a new reason to live. Sitting there for another half-hour was in order but B suggested we get up. My heart was still racing and my arms were so pins-and-needlely I could barely move them. Although I was still intoxicated, I agreed that moving might be a good idea to reduce the tension.

My coordination was impaired and walking was somewhat difficult. No sense of direction existed, so I just aimlessly wondered about. My senses needed to be recalibrated.

As we started heading back home, I tried to share with B what just happened to me. My emotions were rampant and I started getting choked up. It was too much to bear. Everything was mystical - life, the forest, that experience. We saw a large tree that had fallen down and new limbs were growing out of the stump - like an adult that had given its life for the children.

Looking back, I have no idea what to make of that experience. How should I live life knowing what I know? How did it make me a better person? How can I share this experience with others who have no idea how powerful 5-meo-dmt is? These are difficult questions that I will be reflecting on.

5-Methoxy-N,N-Dimethyltryptamine provided the most altered state of consciousness I have ever experienced. Its intensity completely overtook me and I let myself go. For some, I can easily see this drug being too overwhelming. Exercise caution.

This is a most sacred drug I have the utmost respect for. That said, I won't turn it into something recreational. For anything to be gained, I believe that my experiences should be far and few between.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 33285
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 6, 2009	Views: 14,844
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)