Thinning Out Your Physical Library?
If you have books or periodicals about drugs, contribute them to Erowid!
Your old books will find a good home in our library or for a supporter. [details]
Made Me Even More Crazy
Venlafaxine
Citation:   Kessa. "Made Me Even More Crazy: An Experience with Venlafaxine (exp82088)". Erowid.org. May 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/82088

 
DOSE:
75 mg oral Pharms - Venlafaxine (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb
I asked my Doctor to be put on an antidepressant back in 2007. I was experiencing anxiety attacks multiple times a day and also had absolutely no drive to do anything. I wasnt living, I was just existing. Existing in a world of anxiety, tears and my couch.

I dont remember if he reccomended Effexor, or If I suggested it. I research every drug I take before I put it in my mouth. Mostly to see if they cause weight gain (I suffer from Anorexia/Bulimia
I suffer from Anorexia/Bulimia
).

I was prescribed 75mgs a day. I popped the first pill in my mouth that evening. From what I remember I didn't start to feel any different until around a week or so later.

My memory is pretty patchy due to all the other medications I've taken over the years, but from what I remember, it was a very dark time in my life and the Effexor didnt help that. It made it worse.

I remember one day in particular as being really bad. I had been having anxiety attacks all day, I remember being in my bathroom and just slicing at my arms and thighs with a razor blade. Not trying to kill myself, but just trying to feel something other than panic. Also as cliche as it sounds, I wanted to prove I was still there. I still have scars from that day. (Note: This wasnt the first time I self harmed. I had been doing it for years).

Then I remember staring at myself in the mirror and just bawling. I took some scissors and had the urge to cut all my hair off, but thankfully I still had a bit of sanity left inside me and stuck to just hacking off around 4 inches of my hair. After I was done, I started crying more. I've always loved my hair longer. Now it was this short mess. It was like I was in a trance while I was doing it. I also remember my mom calling me, I think it was the same day, and I was just bawling my eyes out and panicking. I couldnt calm down. I'm sure I scared her alot. She even offered to come over to my place and stay with me, but I declined and said I'd be fine.

That whole night was awful. Shortly after that, I got off Effexor. After around a week of feeling horrible, I started to regain more and more of my sanity.

I was on Effexor for around 2-3 months. I dont remember much of that time, but what I do remember was very upsetting. I hardly ate, I cried all the time, cut alot, and was terrified of leaving my apartment, even to get food. I would only leave if my pets needed food. I cared more about them than myself.

I know Effexor helps alot of people, but I unfortunately was one of the people that only got worse while on it. I actually felt as if I was going insane. I will never touch it again.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 82088
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: May 25, 2020Views: 812
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Pharms - Venlafaxine (191) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Medical Use (47), Difficult Experiences (5)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults