Recently my grandmother died, necessitating a journey out of state to attend the funeral. When I returned I read that Terence McKenna had died in the time I was away. This put me in a reflective, almost morose mood. I decided to smoke some 5-MeO-DMT to say goodbye to these people that had impacted my life in such profound (though very different) ways. I prepared and smoked a decent sized hit in my basement trip room. I was wrapped in the now familiar embrace of 5-MeO-DMT as the world accelerated to the edge of reality and imploded once it got there. The radiance of union with all perceived reality lasted a few wonderful minutes, leaving me feeling better but not quite good. I smoked several more hits over the next fifteen or twenty minutes, until I had exhausted my readily available supply of material. I was left feeling very psychedelicized but still not quite "there" yet. Rarely one to leave well enough alone I thought about going upstairs to get a little more from my dwindling stash. As I was considering this I noticed that there was a big chunk of residue in my DMT pipe. A little light went on and I knew what I had to do. I heated and inhaled the thick vapors of DMT. My perceptions began to swirl into a crazy corkscrew of color and shape as everything tried to occupy my full attention simultaneously. I enjoyed the show for a disappointingly short period of time before I was returned to semi normal consciousness. I did notice that I hadn't gotten much of the material and decided to try again. The second hit was equally intense if considerably less visual. In a way very reminiscent of 5-MeO-DMT my thoughts and emotions began racing as the drug took hold. I considered my grandmother, my love for her, how far we had drifted apart in the last few years before she died. I thought of Terence McKenna, gone from the world but surely just as amusing and creative and vital wherever he was now. I thought of how stressful and full of angst my existence had been in the previous few months, of a long painful discussion with my sister in law a few days before, of how confused and painful my existence was at this point in my life. Everything built and built and suddenly, there was release. I began to cry there on the floor, deep sobs as tears streamed down my face. I lay there, crying for several minutes as the world returned. And when I was done I felt great. Better than I had in months, maybe as good as I ever have. I felt cleansed. I was sure that if I could just maintain and work my way through, everything would be OK again, the world would make sense again and the terrible strain I had been under would disappear. Afterwards, I slept very well. I am very thankful for this trip. I knew I was stressed out when I took it, but I don't think I had any idea of the degree of pressure I was under. During this period I have been reluctant to take many psychedelics for fear of not being able to handle the effects, but this was definitely a necessary thing to do. DMT is some truly amazing stuff!