There I was at another party, on ecstasy. I've mentioned it before and my opinion hasn't really changed, parties are not the ideal place to do ecstasy. So why was I there? An old friend was attending his first party, he was on ecstasy and I wanted to hang with him. I knew that I wouldn't get a lot out of the trip, but I figured I would have a good time anyway.

I had started out with one pill. We all took our drugs and then sat down in the balcony to await the onset. We sat and waited, talking. Then we waited some more. Then a while longer. I knew the pills were good, since friends had taken them the week before. I figured they must just be weak. I talked to E and R (R being the party newbie) and E and I decided we were going to split another pill. We went and found the appropriate person and bought another pill. E bit it in half and handed me the half he didn't eat. I swallowed it and we went into the venue lobby to see what we could see.

Almost immediately after taking the second half pill I began to roll. It started quickly and ramped up to an impressive level. I felt elated, happy and emotional in a sloppy, nonspecific way. I just felt good. I walked around and had conversations with random passers by. I told a girl sitting nearby me all about amanita mushrooms. I just rolled and rambled and enjoyed being there.

The party raged around us as we talked and hung out and enjoyed our ecstasy. As usual I didn't feel like dancing while on MDMA. I just wanted to kick back and have conversations with people. X really lowers my inhibitions about talking to people. I forget my usual defenses and just talk a blue streak, chatting up anyone about nearly anything on my mind or theirs.

E and R were ready to leave around five or six in the morning. I was pretty much done rolling by then myself. We dropped R off and E and I went back to my house to listen to music and chill out while the last vestiges of the drug faded.

I awoke in the early afternoon and took E home. I was tired and felt kind of down. I spent the rest of the day kicking around the house with a little cloud over my head. I figured I was just tired and would feel fine the next day.

The next day I felt about the same, maybe a little worse. As the day went on I became more and more depressed. I felt lonely and empty and a little lost. It came to a head while I was walking around the grocery store. I started thinking about old times with L, all the times we had wandered grocery stores together and how those times were past and all of the sudden I almost lost it. I nearly broke down and cried right there. I quickly made my purchases and went home.

The next day I felt better and within a few days I felt back to 100%. I am not totally sure what happened. I hadn't had any negative emotions come up during the trip, or even immediately afterward. I did/do have some issues that I am working through and I can only theorize that the after effects of the X potentiated my fragile emotional state. In other words, I would have been kind of down anyway, but lowered serotonin and/or dopamine levels as a result of the MDMA use made it a lot worse. I don't really know. I just know that since then I have been leery of ecstasy and reluctant to use it again until I have worked through the problems I am having.