Citation: veritasliberabit. "Lost and Found: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp100008)". Erowid.org. Apr 30, 2013. erowid.org/exp/100008
Been feeling a lack of motivation of sorts. Lately just lost in distractions, forums, video games. I have plenty I should be doing, but that sense of drive, urgency, passion ... just wasn't there. Taking to drink more than I care to admit.
Enough was enough. I'd tried this one before at a lower dose (20mg, oral), and it was great. Flights of ideas, novelty, awe, introspection. But nothing close to what I had in store this time.
Injection complete. I laid down and stared at the ceiling. Slowly the stucco starts creeping, and melding, and breathing. I put on my headphones and turn on a playlist of Shpongle. I'm not that into music, but I figured I'd have something for this trip. A brief inquiry online indicated that Shpongle was nice. And how right they were. 'Divine Moments of Truth' began playing, and I quickly lost myself to the music. The drug taking hold, reducing me to a pool of a madman.
By the second track however, something was off. I felt discomfort, desire to turn off the music, close my laptop. I wanted silence, but that was the last thing I got. I was bombarded with sounds.. the most curious of which. Like a flurry of quick phrases, in both English and my mother tongue. I felt sick, poisoned. I heard the voices ask me if I'm okay, talking amongst each other, almost as if I were in a hospital ward.. fighting for life. A near death experience it seemed like. I longed for silence, for it all to stop, thinking I'd made a mistake, this was it. I looked at the time and only 20 minutes had past.. oh dear.
I cowered trembling under my blanket, fighting for life, just trying to pull through. And yet slowly but surely I began to regain myself, listening to the entities get quieter. And that's when I when I had an explosion of thoughts. Language could only begin to describe them. A multiverse theory, except I was the god. It was all just a computer program, my ideas only further to make the program better. It all fit into place, I had all the time in the world. There was no time, death was just a recursion of the program, a newer version. I was the universe experiencing itself. But what is the point then? Well, to explore.. To Improve. And suddenly having lost the constraints of mortality I began to make notes, plans, meanings. I felt alive.. alone, yet purposeful. I could do anything I fucking wanted.. within reason of course. There were rules to the game.
The whole ordeal was reminiscent of a short story I read, 'The Egg' by Andy Weir. Most recommended.
As the tryptamine grip slowly dissipated, the jawed menacing faces turned benevolent, and dissolved back in to the darkness from whence they came. It was over.. yet I was touched. Not something I shall soon forget.
I don't usually write. But as I lay smiling, feeling learnt and reborn, I felt driven to share the experience. Make what you will of it.
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