Citation: A. "My Life Is Much Better: An Experience with Tryptophan (exp100082)". Erowid.org. May 28, 2018. erowid.org/exp/100082
I have been depressed and anxious for roughly three years, until 2 recent experiences eliminated the depression. I used to simply feel like I wasn't all there, take small things too personally, felt like life was pointless, felt like crap all the time, got extremely angry (I used to be very destructive when angry), had no motivation to do anything, even if it was important, and I ruined my relationships with friends and family. Before I begin my story, a little background on myself. I have experimented with many substances including cannabis, mushrooms, LSD, salvia, cocaine, various opiate painkillers (percocets, vicodin, generic hydrocodone, codeine, tramadol), ritalin, xanax, methoxetamine (MXE), not to mention alcohol and various forms of tobacco. Despite experimenting with psychedelics numerous times, I only had very limited success in alleviating my depression. Despite this, I was able to maintain a social life and stay in school. I go to a very competitive and prestigious school, where the caliber of the average person here made me feel worse about myself, because my depression prevented me from achieving good grades and take up activities, like research, volunteering, and such.
I wanted to do more with my time other than mope around thinking about how my life sucked and getting angry at menial things for no good reason. I wanted to get out into the world and have a life. I saw everybody around me go places with their lives and I wasn't, I was nowhere and stuck in the past. I talked to a psychologist and a doctor, both told me I should consider SSRI antidepressants. I did my research and realized that SSRIs take a while to work and are very hard to get off. I looked towards alternatives like psychotherapy, which didn't work either. I eventually tried MXE, thanks to a friend. It was the first step out into the light. I realized I needed to take more initiative to help myself, so I researched around and found 5-HTP.
I am thankful I made the decision. I've been on 5-HTP for 2 weeks now and I haven't felt more functional in my life. All I need is one 50mg pill in the morning and if needed, another pill at night. I would say I feel 'normal' or even better now. I feel my motivation and drive that I haven't felt in 3 years. I've been comprehending my school material much more easily and have the motivation to study. And at officer meetings for a medical association I'm in, I've been contributing and speaking up like I should be. I went back to the gym and I never had more energy when lifting weights. I got my eating under control (5-HTP suppresses my appetite) and I've been eating better now. I don't have recurring negative thoughts anymore and I cruise on through my day doing what I need to do very smoothly. My anger has also subsided and I feel peaceful now for the most part. I feel human again in a sense.
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