Drowned in Eternal Psychosis Awaiting Death
Unknown (sold as MDMA) & Alcohol
Citation: akurenji. "Drowned in Eternal Psychosis Awaiting Death: An Experience with Unknown (sold as MDMA) & Alcohol (exp100138)". Erowid.org. Nov 2, 2024. erowid.org/exp/100138
DOSE: T+ 0:00 |
200 mg | oral | Bad/Suspect Ecstasy | (powder / crystals) |
T+ 0:40 | 50 mg | oral | Bad/Suspect Ecstasy | (powder / crystals) |
T+ 0:00 | 6 glasses | oral | Alcohol |
BODY WEIGHT: | 186 lb |
Moving on:
I had a couple of days off university, so decided to call my friend back home and ask if he was going to a favourite club of ours. He (we shall call him Paolo) said yes, and asked me to stay round. Since I would be heading near home I rang my local dealer and asked if he had any pills to sell, instead he offered MDMA, which I recommended to another friend (L) we should buy; a decision I would later regret with spite.
It was around 7:30pm, so I got the bus and headed down to Paolo's with some cheap cider. L told me that he would meet me in the club with our deal, so I joined the pre-drinking party round Paolo's before we all set off to the club at 11pm.
I indulged in some small vodka & mixers before L arrived at around 12pm with our drugs. I bombed (parachuted) 200mg and returned to the rest of our group expecting the usual scenario with MDMA: gradual exhilarating come-up, euphoric peak, mellow wave-like comedown.
I noticed that the come-up this time felt somewhat different. 40 minutes in and I felt very mild stimulation and euphoria, sort of like there was a classic MDMA trip waiting by the side and unsure if it wanted to join the party, but instead kept walking by without an introduction to anyone. It was a much slower come-up than expected, so I decided to bomb the remaining 50mg of my share.
After 1 hour 10 minutes I finally felt some noticeable stimulation and euphoria whilst having a cigarette outside, so I decided to re-enter the club with a positive mind. This is where things started to deviate to the side of unusual.
Over the course of about 10 minutes, but what felt like an hour, my sense of euphoria and stimulation faded. Walking upstairs had never felt so slow and uninteresting; I felt like I was completely fucked up, ketamine style, but without any pleasure at all, just interminable dread.
About 20 minutes had passed of me walking aimlessly around the club feeling lost and alone, before meeting an old friend, brimmed with energy, asking me to dance. I attempted to dance, but could not shake off the awful feeling of dread and psychosis; everything went by incredibly slowly, sights in my peripheral vision moved slower, reminiscent of stop-motion, yet my mind was still somewhat clear.
I was an annulled lamb, devoid of all desire to interact, be happy or even live. It was as though all my energy and sense of reality had vanished, and I was simply a visitor in this highly lively environment. I remember feeling so relieved that my girlfriend had uni in the morning, and could not come out with us, else I feel like I'd have just told her to get me away somewhere safe, somewhere where I could just sit this out and pray I would be alive in the morning. Her inevitable worry would probably have drove me over the edge.
This feeling showed no signs of dissipating by 3am, at which point I asked Paolo for the key to his place and walked back, with my thoughts for company. On the way out I saw L, who agreed that something was seriously wrong with this batch, and who also decided to leave, but back to his place.
Upon arriving back I attempted to sleep, but my thoughts were resonating in my head at what seemed like an incredible volume. They overpowered my ability to calm, and even my ability to think properly to some extent. I was alone in the dark, with the same few lines of a song replaying in my head. I wrestled with this torment until 5 am, when the guys I was out with came home. I sat and talked with them for a bit about how awful I felt, and how I even considered calling an ambulance; however being bound to a hospital bed would have made me worse in my opinion.
We talked for around half an hour until I decided to try and sleep again. For hours I was wriggling in a bed, incapacitated by thoughts and resounding music, unable to sleep. Around 8am, with the sun shining, I managed to sleep for perhaps an hour or so. It was at 10am that I went downstairs and thought about getting the 1 hour bus back to uni.
My friend K was downstairs, telling me how he found a guy with some legit MD and had a great night, whilst I talked about my horror again, and confessed I was still somewhat high at this point, yet my thoughts had subsided.
I walked to the bus station tired and vulnerable, but relieved that I was still alive. I spent large portions of the night imagining what I'd bargain to escape the feeling I was in, even to go as far as quitting uni after 3 years of study.
I got the bus back to uni, listening to Pink Floyd on the bus, which made for a very relaxing journey. I still didn't properly come down until 5pm that day, by which point I had a much deserved sleep.
This experience taught me never to buy MDMA from an unreliable and untested source. Where possible, you should ALWAYS have a Marqius testing kit available, but simple anecdotal assurance from another buyer that the stuff is for real should do the trick. Now I only buy from trusted sources, or, if it's purchased suddenly on a night out, wait for some friends to test it first.
I would never wish that state upon anyone. It just goes to show that the stories you hear about a 'bad E', or the dangerous of adulterated drugs CAN and most certainly WILL happen to you, if you're not careful. I always took the 'it won't happen to me' approach; but it will - and it did.
Exp Year: 2013 | ExpID: 100138 |
Gender: Male | |
Age at time of experience: 21 | |
Published: Nov 2, 2024 | Views: 31 |
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Unknown (120), Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (567) : Difficult Experiences (5), Hangover / Days After (46), What Was in That? (26), Club / Bar (25) |
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