Citation: MysteriousSkin. "Completely Shattering Time and All Dimension: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT (exp100246)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2013. erowid.org/exp/100246
This was my first time taking any psychedelics. Pot has always sat well with me after Iíve had some alcohol, but I get extremely jittery when I smoke sober. My mind races and I have trouble with the feeling of losing control. I had read and heard a lot about psychedelics and finally convinced myself that although losing control is the essence of the drug, this would definitely be something worth trying (the days leading up to the trip were filled with both excitement and anxiety regarding the unknown). I got three doses of 4-AcO-DMT from a friend who didnít weigh anything out, just eyeballed them and wrapped them in rolling papers. My trip partner, L, and I decided to stick the doses in bananas in order to get the dry paper down along with the drug. We ate them without any problems and waited for some indication that we were about to blast off.
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
Another friend, T, was our sitter and hung out with us the entire time. Lís parents were out of town and we had the house, which happened to be surrounded entirely by nature, to ourselves. After dosing, we went out onto the deck with some art supplies and starting drawing just to get in a positive mindset. During this time, I wrote down a phrase on a piece of paper that I could look at to keep myself calm if things went badly during the plateau. We decided to go down into the woods right next to the house to get more positive natural energy going. Moments after we got down into the woods (about 30 minutes after dosing), L stopped and said that he was starting to see things in three dimension like you would with a 3D movie. I wasnít feeling anything and just talked a while before L said that he wanted to return to the house. Later, I found out that he was starting to get bad feelings when he was looking at the ground and seeing things rot in front of him.
We made it back to the house where we turned the TV on and started to watch because I still wasnít feeling anything. It took about 2 hours after the dosing for me to feel a strong sense of euphoria. I was so happy at the littlest things. At this point, I knew I was starting to come up and decided to go off by myself into the woods (it wasnít that far from where my other friends were back at the house and I felt compelled to experience things on my own). I went down into the woods and started to feel so in tune with everything around me. The trees were just standing there watching over me. I felt safe and completely at peace with everything. L came down to check on me and see if I was doing alright. We talked about how we were feeling with one another and I grabbed hold of a small tree trunk and at that moment felt like an extension of that tree. Not that it was a human being, but it felt like we were kindred spirits connected to one another on a spiritual note.
I remember telling L that I hated how movies portray tripping to be some dumb experience where people see garden gnomes talking to them and try to lick grass. It was such an unbelievable feeling I had in that moment that it pained me emotionally to think about people judging the experience I was having as something meant for burnouts or kids with too much time on their hands. We walked some more and the fact that the plants on the ground were growing pointed upward was strange to me for some reason. We decided to meet back up with our sitter T who was still on the deck. I had some apprehension about going back up because I sensed a good amount of negative energy from him and didnít want that to swallow up my feelings of bliss. As I was walking up to the deck, T shouts from the house ďSee anything profound yet?Ē in one of the most sarcastic, caustic tones Iíve ever felt from him. It quite literally almost brought me to tears. I turned around to go back down into the woods and talked myself down, telling myself he didnít mean it like that, even though it felt so awful to hear one of my best friends say something like that. I pushed the negativity out and went back to be with them. I had a beer and decided that I wanted to walk out in the yard by myself. Typically, I love being around people and hate being alone, but something about this drug urged me to be by myself. I vividly remember walking past Lís pond and seeing a tiny little fish scoot byóthis is where the hallucinations began to lay themselves on heavily. I started feeling like I was a fish swimming down his gravel driveway. The sun was shining so brightly and the further away from the house I walked, the more interconnected I felt with everything around me. I was so at one with EVERYTHING. It was like my mind had been plucked from my body and was floating freely with every living or inanimate thing around me. Outer space seemed to be right next to me. I looked at a tree limb and said to myself ďthis is what itís all aboutĒ. Everything I was feeling was so profound and intricate. I remember looking up into the sun and feeling the rays speak to me. It was my voice that was outside of my own head saying ďDonít ever forget thisĒ and I patted my chest and said that I never will. At that point, I had felt like I had gotten exactly what I wanted out of this experience, but it was far from over.
I went back to be with my friends and told them how I felt. Everything that they would say back to me came as energy. Words took on feelings. Sarcasm was so unbelievably biting to my soul that I almost began to cry whenever T would mention something negative. T went in the house and L and I were alone out on the deck a few minutes later. I then began to cry because of the intense, intense emotions I was feeling being out there in the yard with just myself and nature. It was so unbelievably emotional. Not in a bad way, but just an absolute inundation of feelings. I was starting to feel heavy with all that I had witnessed and felt, and went into the house to lay down. At this point, things started to go downhill a little bit. I had felt what I had wanted to feel from the drug and now wanted the intensity to die down. I started to hallucinate badly, recognizing my friends but not quite understanding what they meant or represented. I would look at one friend and think about other friends that werenít there, but felt an extremely discomforting feeling of being disconnected from them. Like I was confused about who and what I was. Never felt anything at all like it. Technology began to represent such poison around me. My phone. The TV. It all felt so fake and unnecessary and I hated it.
We had some more friends coming over soon and I was becoming nervous that they would judge me for my current state. Once again, emotions were dictating my every move at this point. Everything had an energy to it. Everything. L and T went to go make some hotdogs and I continued to lay down on the couch, constantly saying to myself that I got what I wanted out of it, now please let me be normal again. I felt absolutely alien in my own skin. I started to not understand the point of my appendages, my hair, and my penis (when I had to use the restroom). I went into the kitchen to see if talking with them would make things feel any more normal. It didnít and although I felt so strange, it wasnít terribly bad. What made it worse was me trying to understand what was going on. I knew I was tripping, but I didnít know how to revert back mentally to reality. I remember seeing our other friends drive up in their cars and the cars felt like space ships. They looked like cars and I knew they were cars, but the energy they put off was very space-like. At this point, I decided to retreat upstairs to avoid having to interact with them. I went into Lís guest room and laid down on the bed. I tried to sleep off what I was feeling and it wasnít working. This is when I plateaued.
I remember laying on the bed and realizing that I was tripping, but still not understanding anything. It was like I was being reset mentally. Like a complete defragmenting of my mind. I began to wonder if I was out of it, but I wasnít. I asked myself if this was sleeping. It wasnít. I could feel the drug in my body. I tried to physically shake it off my hands because I was so done with the feeling of confusion. I didnít know what pillows were or why they existed. I didnít understand the blanket that I had placed over top of myself. The amount of complete and utter confusion I experienced made me upset. Absolutely foreign. I was an alien to reality. I started to feel like the drug had integrated itself with my body like a parasite. I knew it would be over and kept telling myself that, but the feeling of not knowing how to interact with humans was terrifying. I knew the people downstairsóthey were my friends. But I still didnít know how to associate them with anything more than their energies. It was like my mind had been ripped out of my head and all the synapses that I had spent bridging and refining my entire life had been severed. Connections to things like who I was, who my family was, where I was had absolutely no grounding. I was reaching desperately for something real to hold and feel human again. Shockingly, it wasnít a terrible feeling. Just a strange and slightly frustrating one. I decided that I needed water, so I went downstairs and saw everyone. They all looked at me with eyes that were peering into my soul. I hated the energy in that room. Absolutely hated it. There was one guy who was dating one of my good friends who had an immensely positive aura about him. Completely in tune with what I was going through and gave me such tacit reassurance. I got my water and went back upstairs. I writhed around on the bed in a strange funk for another 30 minutes or so and went to the bathroom. I remember wondering if what I was doing was what normal humans do. Urinating was so absolutely foreign to me. I didnít know if what I was doing was supposed to be happening. Time had completely lost meaning. The past was blending with the present. I didnít know where I was. Sounds had such energy to them. Memories had such energy to them. Absolutely every single sensory input had energy and emotion.
I laid back down for a few more minutes and decided to go back downstairs for some more water. As I was headed back upstairs, one of my friends looked at me with such concern in her eyes that I felt the immense energy of her feelings. This was the complete turning point in the trip. I was starting to come down. VERY slowly, but still was coming down. I went back upstairs and laid down on the bed to assess what had just happened with her. I literally felt like I was being born again. I had felt a connection with human beings and that alone made me feel human. I became so unbelievably at peace with everything. Slowly, everything in my mind that had been absolutely uprooted was starting to settle back into its little cubby in my mind. I felt like I was an infant shooting through time the way the connections were reforming so rapidly. My mind felt like a feather slowly falling onto a soft surface. I felt like an infant in a womb, so at peace and calm. I began to cry to myself because of the total relief I felt at being able to connect with human beings again and not feeling like an alien in my body. I knew I was coming down, but for some reason, shape-shifting started to happen. I was so excited because this is what I wanted to have happen. The painting in the room began to warp and edges melted. I looked into the mirror and my eyes kept oscillating in size from big to small. This was fun because I knew that the onslaught of emotion was over and now I was just here for the pleasant hallucinations.
I went back downstairs and began to feel so connected to everyone and everything. I had completely shattered time and space, and then had broken back through. One of the people there asked me if Iíd recommend it. I said that I totally would, because it felt like being born again, but that I would probably never do it again. I had gotten what I wanted out of it. This is something that I will never, ever forget.
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