DOSE: T+ 0:00	130 mg	oral	MDMA
T+ 1:30	130 mg	oral	MDMA
T+ 4:00	40 mg	oral	Pharms - Fluoxetine
T+ 0:00	300 mg	oral	Pharms - Bupropion	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

What is to follow is the diary entry I had the day after I had a mystical MDMA experience in a club in my city. This happened a month ago and I am still in awe and changed in my loving attitude towards people in general and my family and mom in particular. The music was psy trance and it was of a very high quality. The crowd was, as all local psy trance community members will know, very welcoming, loving and super fun. I was at this club with two other good friends and we all dropped at the same time. But during the night we dispersed and all entered our own worlds. I am currently on Wellbutrin XL 300mg daily and I stopped taking two days before my MDMA experience for drug interaction prevention. I also take Prozac 40mg at t+4hr to eliminate potential serotonin axon terminal damage and comedown.

Last night was the most profoundly rich experience. I must say out of the three times I have taken MDMA this was definitely special and a greater level. I experienced MDMA for the first time as an instrument to enter in my own heart and soul and see clearly and deeply in the hearts and souls of others. Whereas before when I was on MDMA I would only stay by myself and enjoy the music alone, but this time around I spoke to many people and whenever I needed to be consoled from over rushing I would with great confidence just look into a girl's eyes to make me feel safe and at peace, and it worked every time. Beautiful women made my night the most wonderful experience of beauty possible. Staring into the eyes of A, I cry now to think of how beautiful she was to me. And A let me hug her and hold her while she rubbed her hand on my back, it made me melt. Even now I have this excessive desire to see her again to hold her again once more.

Then there was M. She was just awesome to be around and to dance with because she got so excited with just the beats of the music. She herself wasn't on anything but she was taken up in the music and we held each other and danced for a good minute or two, maybe three or four. But just holding her in my arms like that gave me this intense feeling of being at home in the arms of a dearly loved one.

During the night J, my one best friend's sister, had a bad trip, and as she was crying I consoled her by holding her closely to my chest while she cried into my shoulder. Even though she was destroyed emotionally I was so engrossed in this feeling of being so incredibly close to her the whole time and overcome by empathy towards her, not me being sad at all, but just expressive love towards her for her pain. Her tears on my shoulder were as if the most moist, best smelling oil from Egypt. I could not stop loving her and genuinely looking at her and feeling so much affection towards her. I expressed this physically by kissing her generously on the forehead and cheeks.

And then there were a handful of other girls and a few guys that I hugged during the night. Some of the best part of the evening was being with K and J from work and A was with them too. Those guys were just awesome to be around. And K and J were rushing on MDMA at the same time as me so that just increased the camaraderie we had amongst one another.

I remember also one of the most incredible feelings was knowing and feeling that I was a beautiful and desireable human being. K and J told me that that whole group of people were just so amazed at what a ball of happiness I was. And hearing that made me feel even more happy. I was overcome by the sense of being overcome. While with them they were all having a great time too enjoying the music. And I felt really a part of them and with them as a group and they accepted me as one of their own. They were in essence just so happy to see me so happy. I was a conduit of bliss for everyone to drink from. I remember seeing everybody had a face lit up seeing my ecstatic experience.

But as for me, I was in the best head space I have ever been, I was not jelly, I was not losing control, I was in a mode and a way of perceiving things that just allowed for a baseline level of enjoyment at the lowest level being the best day imaginable. What was more incredible about this whole experience was the level of awareness of my state. I was as it were, rushing, but almost as if I also I could stand out of myself and just see everything in the most beautiful profound elegant sexy way. Everything was sexy and beautiful; especially women. And I was a part of that beauty. I looked inside of myself and saw just such an amazing special powerful person full of life and strength and creativity and cognitive comprehension.

A night without women while on MDMA must be a lot less sensual. I mean they were the most elegant beings I had ever seen and every vein in my flesh and every molecule in my body screamed out their extravagance. Women are the most infatuating, enthralling thing I know of. And when they are seen in the light that I saw them in last night, the sense of overwhelming beauty emanating from their damp, soft, soft skin, they made me melt.

Literally the feeling of being overwhelmed manifested itself in the physical sensation of pleasant melting. I will never look at those girls I observed while rolling on MDMA the same way ever again. There was this one girl who was just so nice to me, tall, short blond wavy hair, nice face, great smile who just made me almost fall in love with her. And I also felt so in love with A and towards M. But the point was that I saw these women in their true light and who they really were. I wasn't looking at dancing bodies, I was staring into peoples souls, their eyes being the gateway to their world. There was no need for clarifying issues or behaviors, there was just me and the world being so a part of it and being completely understood and understanding everyone and everything. The veil had been lifted.

That brings up another thought and that is the way everything felt physically. By far the most heart-wrenching surface was the damp, soft skin of a woman. My whole body felt different in some spaces. My left hand would be suspended in mid air and it felt totally different to normal life, as though my left hand were suspended in an ocean of floating seahorses. Lots during the night if someone asked me how I was feeling or doing I would just look at them and breathe out a round hole I made with my lips. And that air as it flowed out felt as elegant and beautiful as a whale spouting water freshly from its flume. And then also the softest thing I experienced all night were M's lips. I went in to give her a kiss on the cheek but opted instead for her mouth. Her lips were so soft and moist that I had never qualitatively ever reached such experience, such simple objects, lips, turned into blissful experiential vessels. I remember being so excited to have done that. Cigarettes had such a soft touch on my mouth and lungs I could not stop from having them often. As as the smoke blows out of my lungs I feel as if I am a god.

For a bit while I was rushing J told me I had been hardly moving at all despite me believing that I was moving just as much as any other person there. He pushed me on to start moving and when I started moving it made the rush even better. The point is that everything I experienced last night was as if normal life with an absolute sense of wonder and enjoyment about it. So this meant that the dancing sensation you feel when dancing is heightened. My musical appreciation was also a definitively great aspect of the evening. I would shout screams of, “Yes!”, because I appreciated the music so much and that feeling of appreciation came from my depths. It was not simply me enjoying the music, it was me seeing the music as a work of art and something which didn't just run in my ears, but spoke to my being.

My interactions with others was the great difference this time around with the MDMA. Interacting with people was brilliant, and because I was so happy and confident people loved it when I spoke to them. I had so much confidence and bravery, I had no fears. I looked inside myself and just saw purity and strength. My head was in such a space that speaking to people was the most natural way to live, and my words flowed and they flowed with elegance and tact and I felt awesome as I spoke words and strung excellent sentences together. I remember chatting to A and S (friends of my best friend) about their experience that night on MDMA for the first time and as I spoke to them both were engrossed and paying direct attention to my words, not out of courtesy, but because I was just putting on such a good explanation of my experiences. When I spoke to girls I was no longer under pressure to be funny or interesting, I just spoke what came to my mind and they loved my chilled, no pressure attitude towards how I would speak.

When approaching friends and new people I would often just hug them as an instant connection would be birthed. The friendships I had felt as if I had formed connections with people that would otherwise take months was secured in a matter of minutes being with someone. I would say my interactions with others was really one of the greatest things about last night. Because women were just so beautiful and guys were just such close mates. I just cannot emphasise enough how beautiful women looked to me. Just so so full of eye opening beauty.

One aspect of last night I have trained myself in was really great and that was my perception of time. While on MDMA its very easy to get lost and just let the time fly and not necessarily enjoy the moment as much, but last night I was careful to collect myself and just be aware of what was going on and talking to people helped too. But that made the experience feel a lot longer and not a blur but a strung out night of different experiences and memories made. That was definitely a great way to jam last night was just by being absolutely caught up in the moment and not just observing, but savouring moments and experiences and feelings. And by talking to people you would have a frame of reference for time and experience making the night all the richer. The richness of the moments I had was just so powerful.

Inevitably a comedown must unfortunately happen or else our bodies would collapse, but what is really incredible is today how much more I am aware of last night than before. Frequently today I have found myself being overcome by how profound last night was and actually still feeling some of that love towards guests we had around. I warmly embraced all our guests today at home and it was really great to be talking to people as I did last night. And that very confident attitude I had last night while rolling was definitely a part of me today me being unafraid of what people thought and just ready to talk and engage and listen.

It seems that every time a large dose of MDMA is taken as I have done the last two times that the very unpleasant and somewhat terrifying rushing feeling can get overwhelming and make me feel as if I am spinning out of control. I had brief moments of it last night but soon recovered by speaking to people to get my mind elsewhere. But the doses were good except that it was excessive to take a whole pill on the redose I felt very speedy and sweaty on the second pill and half a pill would have done the job fine keeping the roll going hard. The Prozac eliminated the comedown.

I honestly feel like a changed man from last night and I will not forget this experience I had on the most beautiful drug I know, MDMA. I love MDMA with all of my heart and I believe that everyone would benefit from having an encounter with a perception of the world which is completely unveiled and seen its absolute true and awesome beauty. I want to see others experience the same profoundness that I have had the privilege to know and see. The truth is, MDMA has only been widely in use since 1970 or so, so I believe that this generation and time in the world is blessed to be in a period of history where such an incredible substance exists. I truly feel privileged to have lived so incredibly richly as afforded by these universe opening crystals.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 100589
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 7, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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Pharms - Fluoxetine (80), MDMA (3) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)