Citation: DeeboCools. "Underwhelming: An Experience with MDMA & Alcohol (exp100626)". Erowid.org. Jun 8, 2020. erowid.org/exp/100626
[Names of people changed.]
My first and second times doing Molly really left me wondering what all the hype is about.
My current Girlfriend, who I had been seeing for a couple of months at the time, invited me to 'hang out with her friends.' I got there maybe around 10PM, and was happy to see plenty of liquor and beer, as I'm a heavy drinker. There were maybe 9 people, all of whom I was meeting for the first time. My girlfriend had done Molly before with this group and spoke highly of the experience, so I was very curious to try. It did not take much time for the dealer, Greg, to pull out a scale and start asking me about my previous drug experience.
He made up clear capsules that looked about 1/4 full of white powder. I'm not entirely sure of the dosage but he assured me he would make sure I 'rolled' that night.
11:00- took 2 or 3 shots of liquor, then took the MDMA capsule along with everybody else. There was a pitcher of water on hand so I figured I'd stop drinking alcohol after the molly kicked in as dehydration is a risk.
12:30- Every one is asking me if I'm rolling. I don't want to disappoint them, but I'm not feeling much. So I say non-committal things like 'I think so.' Everyone is behaving a little strangely, they are very uninhibited, cuddling, and people I hadn't even spoken to before are touching me. All of which I expected, having read about effects, but I don't feel the urge to behave the same way.
1:00- I do feel *different*, kind of like I'm on a downer or something. The dealers brother, Russell, is talking to me a mile a minute. He's very interested in the music I make and what I write about, he just keeps going on and on about it. I'm flattered, but he makes me a little uncomfortable saying things like 'I just want to get in your head.' It should be noted that normally, I'm not the most social person in the world. I find nothing wrong with spending a night in alone and I tend to rely on Alcohol to be sociable. I drink a bit more, perhaps 2 more shots, and try to converse as naturally as I can, but everyone is annoying me a bit including Russell. I feel as though this becomes obvious and he looks offended. My girlfriend, who physically looks to be very much feeling the effects of the drug, tries to talk more on my behalf as she can see the discomfort.
2:00 - Greg decides that I haven't properly rolled and that I must be insensitive or something. Everyone's roll is wearing off, too, so he makes up more capsules for everyone, and mine has a bit more powder. I still want to roll, so I take it. I make sure to drink water.
3:00 - I feel very uninhibited, moreso than I would normally be around strangers on only a little bit of booze, but not really euphoric. People are playing games, one of which is to have 2 other people kiss up the sides or your torso, as the sensation is supposedly amazing. I have this done to me by my girlfriend and Greg's girlfriend, and it feels pretty good as I imagine it always would, but not as amazing as other people's moans would suggest.
3:30 - I start to notice Nystagmus, my eyes dart uncontrollably left to right, at rather inconvenient times. I take this as indication that I'm indeed rolling, and try to enjoy the experience as best I can. My girlfriend, by this time, appears to be in heaven. She moans with pleasure and breathes deeply every few minutes. People are still asking my if I'm rolling, and I say yes, but not that I'm not having too great a time; as I don't want to be a buzzkill.
People are still asking my if I'm rolling, and I say yes, but not that I'm not having too great a time; as I don't want to be a buzzkill.
4:00 - Around this time my girlfriend, who's seemed and acted quite high this entire time mind you, says she wants to go to bed. I tell Greg's girlfriend and they allow us to stay in a guest bedroom upstairs. Greg's girlfriend lets us know we're allowed to have sex if we want, as they'll just wash the sheets later. We laugh at the prospect. My girlfriend is quite out of it. My nystagmus is annoying me. We get up to the room and I do try to have sex with her. I can't achieve an erection, even though she is doing everything that would normally work. I apologize to her, but realize it may be an effect of being on MDMA. We both sleep pretty soundly and have sex the next morning.
The other time, I took it with the same people at an electronic music show, maybe a month later, I thought that maybe being in a more stimulating environment would help get me high. It really didn't. Once again I found myself underwhelmed and annoyed at others. I've been offered it since by the same people, but simply told them I don't want to waste their drugs as it doesn't do much for me. I have no real explanation for why I don't feel Euphoria on it. I'm quite fond of other drugs I've tried, including Amphetamine, LSD, and Psilocybin.
I write this because I really don't know why it doesn't do much for me while it seems it's a life changing experience for others. It's not a big deal, but I feel like I'm missing out, as it's so embedded in our drug culture and music these days.
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