Citation: Dink. "Pitch Black Blood: An Experience with LSD (exp100628)". Erowid.org. Dec 26, 2019. erowid.org/exp/100628
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This is my forth time dropping acid, and as of right now, my last. This was the largest and stupidest dose I've taken. The setting for this trip was thought to be planned well enough for it to be the perfect setting. It was a Saturday, I was house-sitting for my mom, it was a beautiful day and I was with two of my best friends, B and W, who were my trip sitters. Both are experienced with psychedelics and with trip sitting and whom I feel most comfortable with and have the most trust with keeping me safe as well as keeping me happily entertained.
Writing this now it has been weeks, maybe a month or more since the actual trip, and it still haunts me. To get to sleep some nights I have to completely block it from my mind
To get to sleep some nights I have to completely block it from my mind
, and I've also noticed that I've been smoking more weed (when I have it) then before. I've managed to somewhat make sense of what I've experienced but at the same time I’m utterly confused on how some of the thoughts and visions came from inside my mind.
On this day I had 5 hits of some really strong LSD. Stronger than I or my trip sitters had anticipated. Originally I had planned on taking 3 hits, but my buddies and I like to make things interesting. I had told them that I might have wanted to put this acid to the test and take all 5. We were all on the edge about it, so to make our decision for us, idiotically, I rolled a die. However it rolled would be the decision of the day, and not that I knew it, but it would be the decision of my life. I threw it on the ground and it landed on a 5 (I hadn't said anything at the time, but I noticed that the die wasn't completely flat and that it was leaning slightly due to the carpet it had landed on). This should have been the sign to roll it again. Before taking the hits we decided to eat something. On previous occasions I had always eaten various fruits just to help my body and my mind feel “clean” against the dirty electric chemical feeling of the acid. Today, we had eaten Kraft Dinner.
I dropped all 5 hits on my tongue at once, fucking dumb. We then proceeded to play rock band to pass the time. I regularly play drums and have a real set of drums in my basement, it is my favourite instrument. I play on expert difficulty on the pro drums setting, this is not put here to brag, this is here to compare to my later state.
The effects came on quicker than ever before and after about 20-30 minutes after the drop I was extremely lethargic and uncomfortable. I was reduced to playing on medium on regular drums before I became too intoxicated to even move really at all. We called it quits. There weren't any visual effects, but there was an intense feeling of intoxication and fatigue, I could barely hold my body up straight while sitting. Soon I became very sick and there was a strong pain in my stomach, I knew I was going to throw up indefinitely. This is most likely due to the KD. I got up and before I could make it to the bathroom I was puking, and I was struggling to keep it behind my lips with my hands, most of it went in the toilet thankfully. Prior to throwing up my guts I saved the hits, that were only in my mouth for a half an hour, and set them by the sink.
After all of the puke was up I was still dry heaving for a bit, which was causing the blood to rush to my head, this was when the first visual hallucinations occurred. The full noodles of the Kraft Dinner floating around in the toilet were splitting in to multiple pieces and spiraling around in place, and the patterns of the floor tiles were swirling about like ribbons but were restricted to each square. The fish eye effect was taking hold as well. B and W handed me a cloth while dodging the regurgitated noodles. I soon stumbled out of the bathroom to join them feeling 200% better. I slumped on the couch and they were smiling and asking me how that went. By this time I couldn't find words for anything, not even one word in my own head made sense to say.
English was no longer my language; all I could get out at times was gibberish, literally not even words at all. Like “ergjeruisw” or “gabberesdg”. This made them laugh which also made me laugh, at the time I didn't have enough energy to say words or even care if I did or not.
They put on music, handed me a cup of water and kept me well distracted and were playing around with me. W was almost crying with laughter when I attempted to answer his questions with complete nonsense. The visual distortions were absolutely, overwhelmingly awesome. EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING was morphing into millions of spirals, fractals and wormholes. The colours were often so vibrant that the edges of every spiral were a blinding white. The walls were caving in and out and the ceiling was rippling like multiple rapid rivers layering over each other. Though it was extremely intense, I was filled with euphoria and bursts of laughter would escape from me with great forces, it was the happiest I've been in all my life during those moments.
I was still fatigued and was gradually getting more and more tired; I thought I was actually going to pass out on LSD. I had never been able to get a lick of sleep when coming down on acid, so I was actually really excited to see what kind of dreams I would have while on a pass out dose of acid. I informed B and W of this, and they began to inform me that they would most likely leave once I passed out because W had to work in a few hours and B had plans later that day. This may seem bad to some people but we were not new to this environment and we all knew that I can handle myself fairly well alone.
The following events are scattered memories that I will try to put into chronological order and with some explanation as well. Beyond this point I thought I was not only IN a dream but ENCASED in a dream. I was having terrifying visions that I was acting out in real life and that B and W were seeing. This became so intense for B that he was almost crying from stress.
During this trip B and W were my safety, and I believed that they were my own blood brothers but that they were also guardian angels, when they were telling me that they were leaving I was unable to imagine surviving without their presence at all times, this was getting me in a panic. They were telling me to lie down and quiet down, not remembering that I told them that I was going to pass out because now that I was in a panic I was nowhere near sleep. I followed their directions though and stuffed my face in my bed, after a few moments (not even seconds) of being still and silent an intense pain of sharp needles surged through me, and I began to sweat. The only way I could stop the pain was to say something, this was the beginning of an inner struggle I've always had my whole life about not saying what’s on my mind, my mom as told me that and my girlfriend hates it when I don’t speak my mind. I don’t know why I can’t, it must be my inner shyness and awkward personality that unable me to easily say what I think. I know I can keep things bottled up inside, and I think this was my subconscious (mixed with LSD), trying to tell me this. So I blurted out loud noises and forgot completely that I was told to be quiet, soon after I would blurt out I would have the realization that I was supposed to be silent. I would then proceed to dive back into my bed face first trying to silence myself. This loop happened a few times, and without noticing I had head bashed a hole in my wall from jumping into my bed, and I became so determined to quite myself that I would grab both of my lips and squish them together, since I had braces at the time I had cut the inside of my lip while squeezing them together and blood was dripping out of my mouth, none of which I noticed.
B and W asked me to go to the bathroom adjacent to my bedroom to wash my mouth out. I don’t recall them asking me this. In my mind the room didn't even resemble my bedroom and I couldn't see B or W, it became dark and I can’t remember what exactly I was seeing other than a long and dark passage through what possibly could have been trees or arches. In my mind I was being told to “just go with it, give in to it”. I was extremely terrified so I screamed at the top of my lungs, though I couldn't hear my screams, and ran what I thought was straight through the darkness to the other side (I thought I was in a dream at this point, I didn't think I was actually running or screaming). While running I could feel intense forces of larges branches hitting me in the face and knocking my head around, I didn't feel any physical pain though. Looking back I think the physical pain I was supposed to be feeling was translating into emotional pain and creating more and more darkness and evil. The “large branches” I was running full force into was actually my bathroom door (which I put a hole in). I went straight through my bathroom door and into my bathroom wall on the other side, and running straight into a shelving unit which cut up my forehead in several places. The smashing of the wall created three different holes through the dry wall which cut open my toe, and badly bruised my knee and arm. I fell to the floor where B and W found me. I attempted to get up and clean out my mouth but my motor skills were shot and I just kept rubbing my lip where it was bleeding which wasn't helping.
They then asked if I wanted to lie down again, according to them as I have no memory of this, I started screaming again (these weren't normal screams, they were full out, top of my lungs, terrified for my life, bloodcurdling screams) and ran out of the bathroom and tackled B onto the bed, he had to hold my arms back and was yelling at me to calm down, I did. He got up, and since that point B and W realized that I was having very bad and intense peaks because I would calm down for moments, and then later I would begin to scream and hyperventilate.
This begins my next memory. I fell off the bed and onto the floor and began to flail my arms and legs around. The ceiling and walls were twirling and twisting and my limbs seemed to be stretching and being pulled up the walls and on the ceiling being twisted with them. B and W got on top of me and tried to physically hold me down for fear of me hurting myself more, and they were trying to talk me down and get me to relax. This is where some deep emotions started to surface, I kept going on about being worried that my brother was home, and I kept saying my girlfriend’s name, repeating this over and over in a weird accent accorded to my buddies. This went on for around 40 minutes. B and W began to silently freak out as they had to leave soon. They had to resort to calling some of my other friends to take over the sitting, D, A, and M came, two of which are straight edge and all of them had not experienced anyone on acid before.
Before they showed up I wandered outside my room and tripped over my drum set where I would lay on the ground for the remainder of my trip, being completely awake and still having intense visions but unable to get up. I was having visions of me going insane and running around my house violently throwing pots and pans at my friends and girlfriend and smashing my face repeatedly into the stove (blood was everywhere and my face was mutilated in my vision). I heard sirens and saw flashing red lights, and at one point I actually saw a paramedic above me pressing down on my face with great pressure trying to get the bleeding to stop, my mind visions would zip around like mad from smashing my own face with my fists, and back to the paramedic above me each time I would look and feel more and more mutilated and blood would pour out of my eyes, nose and mouth like waterfalls. I began to think of my brother how I don’t talk to him anymore and how I seem to shut him out of my life, I thought I had killed him in real life but couldn't do anything to stop it because I felt ENCASED in my visions.
I thought I had killed him in real life but couldn't do anything to stop it because I felt ENCASED in my visions.
I also thought of my girlfriend and how much I loved her, one of the phrases that kept reappearing in my mind was “I hope the single idea of [my girlfriend’s name] does not disappear” then I thought that I had killed my own girlfriend. At one point I saw her standing above me, looking at me with such disappointment that in hurt me greatly.
I saw D standing above me looking at me (this was really happening) I had visions of him yelling at me saying “you’re almost there! Nope… he lost it.” Over and over in thousands of loops. My mind would uncontrollably loop the same thoughts of my brother, my girlfriend, and D. No matter what I thought, the loop would continue and I came closer and closer to the conclusion I thought I would never get to. I’m dead. I’m doomed to this loop forever, for eternity I will feel this pain, for eternity I will see the pain on the faces of the people I love. At the very end of each loop I would feel a large needle penetrate through my skull, down the right side of my neck and through my shoulder (writing this makes me cringe because I can still remember and feel the “pinch” of the needle through my neck). I had more visions of me eating and smearing animal feces and hair all over my face and in my wounds and sharp needles prodding into the end of my dick (this is what I can’t explain and it disturbs me greatly). When I eventually came to the conclusion that I was dead for sure the loop stopped and I saw myself lying on the ground with a large pool of pitch dark red blood pour out from the side of my head. All pain stopped. I couldn't see them but I could feel and hear my friends and family standing around my dead body talking. I heard someone say from behind me “Idiot. Why would he do this.”
The pool of blood disappeared and I felt like I could move again, I slowly looked up and saw D, A, and M sitting beside me. For some reason the first thing I said was “Did I eat my cat?”
From that day on my friends hardly talk to me; some don’t even talk to me at all. I thought I wanted to escape my own reality because I felt alone, what I didn't realize was that I was never alone, but now I am more than ever. I have a harder time talking, and I’m overall more depressed than I was. I've noticed that I can’t process sentences as quickly, and I feel as though I've lost some of my intelligence with that trip. I have seen my dealer since then and told him how messed up it was and he told me that it was a new batch that he had gotten. It was the strongest he had received and that no one he knew of had taken that much of that type of LSD all at once.
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