Citation: vonnie. "Meeting the Mother-God: An Experience with DMT (exp100929)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2017. erowid.org/exp/100929
||(powder / crystals)
Im sure that whatever I try to write down will be a fairly cheap description of what a DMT breakthrough is like, and anyone who has had one will be able to agree right off the bat. They probably dont even need to read what I have to say because theyve been there already. There is no explaining it, not in words. There have been so many little sayings that you hear, like;
“DMT finds you”
“meeting god/your creator”
“if youre not sure whether or not you broke through, you havent”
The second is particularly true. I had obtained a bit of the stuff because I had really wanted to try it but I cant say that I was in any way prepared to be confronted with what I found down there. I say “down” there because for me it is just easier. I would say I was mentally more prepared than a lot of people who first try, I wasnt approaching this as any kind of party drug or recreational high.
I did get exactly what I came for though, I just didnt know it back then. First few tries was kind of with whack equipment and the stuff just kind of burned and I got some neat visuals and even had what I thought was a deep experience where I more or less was able to experience emotions that I wasnt familiar with completely and met a very friendly fat furry cat. Also, those first 2 times I tried I did have a bit of guidance etc. but that was a parlour game compared to the breakthrough.
The difference with the breakthrough hit was that I had a generally more positive experience in the actual taking of the substance, it was very much more enjoyable and not so acrid and disgusting as the first 2 times since my delivery this time was a glass pipe and a nice fat flame on a piezo electric lighter. I used about 30mg each time, because supposedly you can back the dosage off in this pipe. I also had to reload the pipe for a second hit of that thick milky smoke because the first time it completely took me by surprise and I spat a fair bit of it out.
On the second drawing of the pipe where it was just starting to vaporize I was already breathing in and feeling very spinny and disorientated and kind of getting those odd colours that kind of permeate from everything and the whirring siren in the ears, and then it went and I was well and truly on the way. The incredible thing I can say is just how layered the experience was. I recorded myself for about 20 or 30 minutes afterwards trying to explain it to my girlfriend but probably just came across as a bit of a looney.
On the layering, what I found incredibly profound was how strong and able to handle more information you become. When people say that its over very quickly, maybe it is because I haven't done it again since writing this, maybe you become more familiar or more able to navigate the space but on that first voyage it really did feel like an eternity. Everything was just right, and I was pulled away from the mind that I was communing with just at the right time.
How I would describe the thing in its entirety was layers of an onion that got bigger instead of smaller, just immense space and knowledge and understanding of the science and geometry and mathematics and physical properties of an entire universe, an incredible god-like surge of knowledge and control of everything I was taking in, but that was only granted to me once I became intimate with the entity, or the guide in that place.
To say control of that reality is maybe wrong, I think a better word is an understanding that everything that happened to that reality was eventually going to be ok, I had no scores to settle. Just an entirely enveloping understanding of the space you were in, and then you hadnt even come into the relationship with the entity of that dimension yet.
For those that have had warm experiences with their mothers, that feeling of complete acceptance and total trust and warmth and everything happy and confronting and non-ego about that relationship we have with our mothers is magnified indefinitely. I had that instant relationship and knowing with the entity the second it peeled back another layer and showed me the reality that was behind the one you I saw and understood and had just been “shown”. And by shown it was as if I became so aware of that dimension that I was completely in tune and able to understand the way things happened down to the last detail in that new place. I try not to make it sound as though it just makes you feel powerful. It completely didnt, it totally humbled me.
I was then shown the nature of the next reality, and the next, each one becoming exponentially more amazing and perfect and completely non-contrived. It was like an infinite meditation with something that permeated every possible dimension and every possible outcome or thought that could potentially exist in any universe that a being could even have the capacity to think of being possible even in the depths of their deepest spiritual experiences.
That last bit was an attempt at illustrating the layering that I felt. Everything I did, every time I met god it was a life-changing experience that went far beyond words, and then I met him more. It was the same mind but I simply went deeper into that communion with it. For me this is a bad movie review that completely skips the plot. I met so many layers of this thing and each time I felt that utter god bond that thats why I describe a lot of it as infinite.
The thing that I was last experiencing when I started coming out of it was what I could only describe as a deep dark blackness with purple lines barely visible on the sides of my vision. The lines were almost like patterns of a waterfall, except very neat and mathematical and understandable. That was just kind of its “overflow”, those lines. It was like maybe staring into a drain as it empties and seeing the water rippling and flowing on the sides. The purple shapes I saw were of no consequence compared to the blackness that I was exchanging emotions with. I felt like I had come all the way to bowser's castle or the emerald city, all the way into the depths of the matrix. But I knew that this could have almost just kept going, now that I think of it.
Given how much of that feeling that I had every layer I experienced, im sure it could have just gone, all the same entity but all different dimensions that it can conceive of. Obviously, the language of the whole thing was in geometric shapes, that's sort of how I was communicated with. I had an incredibly deep understanding of what I was being shown because each layer or dimension would show me how to speak the mathematical/physical language of that particular reality.
In terms of visuals, heres how I would put it. Each time I could have tried to visualise what was happening in a way that made sense to an outside listener I might have said (which was, by the way, one strong visual I got) “fat fluffy cat in a yellow raincoat”, that description of that being in particular was only one possibility in that reality. By that logic, the loch ness monster does exist simply because we have thought of it, the thought of it exists in our universe. Therefore, any kind of material object or thing that you visualised at a certain layer of the experience was only one stray possibility that could have emerged in the imagination of somebody in that entire universe.
Thats how my feelings were on it, it wasnt some freak show with these far out creatures, it was being shown entirely new realities where those particular apparitions might only exist in the mind of some creature, or that the physical laws of that reality would allow for that thought to arise within it. Hearing a lot more peoples experiences has been cool as well, but all I see honestly is people having trouble expressing themselves, just as I am. Even the ones who do this stuff a lot and try to talk about it a lot have real dramas even describing the first atom in one of these realities that you completely synchronise with, let alone being able to express what its like to be able to actually walk the yellow brick road and meet the thing behind the curtain. The whole thing was so utterly moving and humbling and empowering and just plain over the top crazy that I could talk about it for years.
And I think that that's what ive been looking for. Here are some closing things I said as I was coming down and trying to make some kind of sense of what had just happened to my consciousness;
“They need to have DMT journalists”
“it makes you aware of your own reasoning”
“can you create something in your own mind that you are totally unfamiliar with?”
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