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Self-Treatment for Depression
Hydrocodone & Buprenorphine
by Balls McKenzie
Citation:   Balls McKenzie. "Self-Treatment for Depression: An Experience with Hydrocodone & Buprenorphine (exp101044)". Erowid.org. Jun 3, 2019. erowid.org/exp/101044

 
DOSE:
    Pharms - Venlafaxine (daily)
      Pharms - Clonazepam (daily)
  60 mg   Hydrocodone  
  8 mg   Pharms - Buprenorphine  

BODY WEIGHT: 195 lb


I have been diagnosed as a person suffering from Chronic Recurring Treatment-Resistant Depression. Layman's terms - I'm very depressed often to the point where treatment is ineffective. So, searching for relief I have found two dangerous and addictive drugs that have helped, but which I fear and respect, and now have to give up after today. Here is my experience.

Hydrocodone was never my favorite drug until I became depressed.
Hydrocodone was never my favorite drug until I became depressed.
I've been self-medicating with this dangerous drug for about 4 years now. I had access to it 24/7 at a rock bottom price. I began with doses of 30 mg, went up to 90mg, but went back to 60mg simply because it was too much Tylenol for any one man to take - even one that weights 195lbs.

I NEVER take this drug more than 2 times a week. Tolerance has built up to the point where I now have to take 90mg or more to feel anything blissful, but as I mentioned I'm not putting my liver through that. The drug has helped immensely. When I am on 60mg or more, I can do almost anything without feeling any depression. Basically, my depression is gone for about 4-5 hours. I have mixed it with MJ and found that combination to be wonderful for curing my depression. Using it without MJ is far more useful, though - as I become MORE productive at home (I don't work on this) than usual. I get shit done. I have just been told by my dealer that he will be unable to access hydrocodone. I am not worried about it. I just took my final dose from him. Hydrocodone is good, but it has way too much APAP (Tylenol, etc), and there is a fairly bad come down, especially from high doses I have tried. It also does not last long enough. It's much better than whine, or benzodiazepines for Depression, but it has way too much Tylenol for truly therapeutic doses against my TRD (Treatment Resistant Depression).

Buprenorphine is the best substance I have ever taken in my many battles against Depression. I rarely have access to this medicine, but when I take it, I am as close as I'll ever be to feeling 'cured' from my Depression. I have taken many psychiatric medications - am still taking them
I have taken many psychiatric medications - am still taking them
(I never mix them with Bupe - ever - since I am not suicidal, especially when I'm on Bupe). I've never felt so alive. I built myself up to 8mg from 2mg. This is a far more powerful drug than Hydrocodone, though the high is very similar. The main advantage I find from Buprenorphine over Hydrocodone is that it lasts for hours and hours. If I take 8mg, I can feel it the next day. The come down is much more gradual than Hydrocodone. I feel Depression strongly the day after Hydrocodone. I feel great the day after I take a Bupe. It does have a tendency to make sleeping almost impossible while one it.

Bupe has some side effects. I have thrown up on it a few times, but at this point 8mg is perfect for me. I do not take Bupe more than once a month, if that. This is because of access, but I have noticed that the less I take of this drug, the more effective it is when I take it. The same thing goes for hydrocodone. Between the two, Buprenorphine is by far my favorite and more effective against my Depression.
Between the two, Buprenorphine is by far my favorite and more effective against my Depression.


I am currently trying to wean myself off of Klonopin, and I'm almost off. I have heard of Buprenorphine used occasionally for Depression in France and other European nations. I wish my doctor would have given me that instead of Klonopin. . If my doctor is worried I'd try to purposely overdose, I'd gladly be driven down (I NEVER drive on either drug) once or twice a week for one pill - like people do in methadone clinics, I believe. I am also taking Effexor, an SNRI which give me the worst withdrawals I've ever experienced from any drug if I miss one dose. My doctor never mentioned how physically addictive the Effexor would be.

I am not a doctor. I'm not a particularly smart person. Maybe that's why I can't understand why doctors are allowed to get Depressives like me addicted to Depressants like Klonopin and Xanax just fine, but not to prescribe something I've found to be far more effective like Buprenorphine or Hydrocodone for Depression. As I said, if they're worried about people killing themselves with an OD, then they should have them come in and take it in their office. The tolerance is a big problem - I found daily use of either of these drugs renders them completely ineffective and pointless to take. To top it off, there is always the possibility of addiction, so the Depressive would be piling one more MAJOR problem on to the pile. This happens to me anyway, when I am prescribed daily doses of Klonopin.

I am now facing a drug test in a month or so. I will not be able to take either of these drugs any longer because I am entering a new job where I may be drug tested at any time (and rightly so, for this job).

I do not look at Hydrocodone and Buprenorphine as party drugs. They are medicine for sick people in my eyes. As I said, if I take this every day, it becomes completely pointless. I never take this in public either, I just relax at home and feel Depression Free for hours - something that never happens to me from Klonopin. I'm sure the doctors have their reason why they won't use Buprenorphine for Depression here in the US, but whatever the reason is I just can't see how it's worth allowing people to suffer, and getting them addicted to benzodiazepines, which I have found to be far, far, far less effective.

Exp Year: 2009-2013ExpID: 101044
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 42 
Published: Jun 3, 2019Views: 1,020
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Pharms - Buprenorphine (265), Hydrocodone (111) : Not Applicable (38), Depression (15), Medical Use (47), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3)

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