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Infinite Impossibilities
by Zillo
Citation:   Zillo. "Infinite Impossibilities: An Experience with DMT (exp101076)". Erowid.org. Mar 16, 2021. erowid.org/exp/101076

60 mg smoked DMT (powder / crystals)


Let me start out by jotting down a quick history of my drug use prior to this. I had been taking cannabis avidly, 25C-nbome, 25B-nbome, Salvia divinorum, DPH, DXM, MXE, 4-MEC. All these drugs, in my perspective, were just stepping stones to DMT. I knew to be cautious, clear minded, and accept what was to come. I had been quite literally dreaming of this moment for about 2 years now. I spent a lot of hours researching this, learning anything I could get my hands on, at one point it was all I was thinking about. DMT. It was finally in my hands, 500mg of pale yellow DMT from a legitimate source. I was going to share a large portion with my friends, E, W, and V.

We soon ran into complications after meeting up at E's house. No one had a milligram scale, I divided it on the table into 11 40 mg and one 60mg dosages. W tried a downgraded version of the DMT Machine: A water bottle, aluminum foil, and an 'air tight' seal. The result was a lung-full of failure and burnt plastic. The sandwich method which involved a thin layer of ash/parsley, a layer of DMT, and another layer of ash/parsley looked promising. I was using my chillum, loading what looked to be the bigger 60mg dosage pile into it. I was a bit nervous, taking deep breathes. I was trying to be prepared for what was about I was about to experience, I've always read that no one ever is. I tell my friends to put on Lateralus by Tool, dim the lights, and to time how long I take the hits for.

T + 0 I'm careful not to burn the DMT for it would waste the material. I take a large hit, expecting an unpleasant plastic taste and lungs hurting. Neither. It felt even smoother than air. 30 seconds go by with the first hit still in my lungs, I take another huge inhale, without exhaling the first hit. This time, not so much worried about burning the material, and more about using all of it. I can feel my heart pounding, and I can feel some of the effects. My vision looks more spaced out, and I'm unraveling something.

T + 00:02 I lay down, still with both hits deep in my lungs. I feel as though a powerful entity is looking down at me. It's expecting something, I could tell. I let out my hits at 2 minutes and 15 seconds and I feel exhausted for holding it in that long. Extremely light-headed. I shut my eyes and listen to the music. Kaleidoscope patterns flew by me, I was being shot up into this different plane of existence. I felt as if my brain was melting from the pressure. Vivid blue, purple, and hot pink eyes going on this checkerboard pattern around me. I see an old petrified Indian lady in a ceremonial head dress, hot pink and dark blue, missing half of her body in the darkness. She had a hot pink spiral next to her that made it feel surreal, and natural for me to be here. It fades away in a instant.

T - ? I hear a voice phase through the music, 'Are you alright?' It sounds like my mother. So much to process, so much to endure. I started getting anxious. I thought to myself, as entities of a formless vibration passed by me, 'Why would anyone choose to do this to themselves? Is this truly the end? Was normalcy not good enough for me? When will it be over?!' I see a thousand eyes surround me floating upwards, each having their own opinion on me as they opened. I couldn't handle their judgement. It fades into the perpetual motion mindscape. These impossible patterns flowing towards me, it's just indescribable and intense. I wondered how it could get any worse, it's just too much to handle.

It seemed endless, like I was going to never return because I was too far gone. I reach this Buddhist palace that's gold, purple, blue and incredibly shiny. I'm flying through it, I see columns inside and a large doorway. Though, this whole place was almost indistinguishable from the patterns flying by me. It was as if I dove into the patterns to find this place. I'm shifted upwards, or maybe it was the patterns that shifted. I see Buddha's face in extreme detail, smiling at me. Purple, blue and wearing hoop ear rings. My heart was pounding, I was breathing heavily. I was amazed, still anxious, fearful of my health, but at least he was a familiar face. His smile wrapped around his face and he had engulfed himself in it. I open my eyes to see a dark green, petrified, Indian statue giving me the feeling as though I shouldn't do that. She reminded me of my aunt at the time.

All these incomprehensible visions, I had been on the verge of collapsing and losing my mind for quite some time now. I try to remind myself of reality. Anything at all like, who I was, what I enjoy, what I don't like. I thought it might give me comfort knowing something about myself. It felt as if I was fighting the experience when I did this, the more I tried remembering, the more anxious and mind-exploding it got. I listen to the song and hear '...beckons me, to look through to these infinite impossibilities...' I was in this moment, I was listening to my favorite song, I was on DMT, and I'm me. That's all I needed to know. A warm sensation built-up inside my chest, my anxiety vanished, and I was spiraling deeper into this entangled yellow and blue cosmic web before me.

I was now comforted by my visions, I could see them greeting me, warming me. Purple and blue Indian entities that meant so much to me, yet I knew so little about them. A gut feeling tells me my mind was expanding into a green fractal flower. Flying through indescribable kaleidoscope patterns, mesmerizing entities, and a feeling of serenity followed. I come out of this hot pink colored river while four blue and pink vacationers at the river bank take photos of me. Very vivid. I go back under water to find I'm back in this trans-dimensional hyperspace. I'm not anything, really. I just had a warm-feeling in my heart and never wanted this to end. Usually I'd describe something while it was happening so I could better remember when I write it down later. But, I had decided to stop trying and let whatever was going to happen, happen.

It certainly happened. Nets of checkerboards fly at me in this sort of 2D form, but yet had depth. They were blue and pale red. I could no longer have thought after that moment. The impossible was unfolding itself 1000x before me, not a single word came to mind. The intensity felt as if it was rising, yet I was still warmed by it. I'm curious, I look to the left and see a yellow fire conjuring up. I look to the right and see red bubbling from the blackness. I look forward, the nets are still flying towards me, infinitely. Deeper, and deeper into it. I'm observing the patterns, then what appeared to be another Indian entity who was powerful and bared much responsibility telepathically spoke to me. 'You're the quiet one.' I could feel myself going deeper and deeper, just a little more.

T + 00:09 I hear my friend, W, snickering. The patterns break apart, and I knew the experience had ended. I open my eyes to see a some-what distorted, wavy reality. I was not mad at him like I usually might be, I forgave him in an instant. After such a beautiful experience, there's no use in being mad. After all, had it not been for these friends, I may have never gone on this journey. I get them to turn off the music and ask them what they were laughing about, and W says he was giving the motion to E to T-bag me. Of course they wouldn't actually do this. But, I thought to myself. I seriously put my trust for 9 minutes in these guys? Even after all the seriousness, confusion, beauty, chaos, and terror of it all, I couldn't help but crack up at the mental-image of W signaling E to T-bag me. It was dumb and immature, there's no doubt about it. But, it was just good to be back and laughing so easily with friends. It felt as though I forgot most of it, it was quickly fleeting like a dream.

About 2 months after, I heard my Dad say 'You're the quiet one.' It was a coincidence, but still sort of spooked me. I had an anxiety attack while smoking cannabis around that time too, I felt as if I was on DMT again. No visuals, but my mind was in a mass-confusion state that can only be compared to what I experienced on DMT. Anytime I smoked cannabis it was a 50/50 chance it'd be that reaction. I gave it up after awhile of fighting because it wasn't worth it anymore, but prior to that, cannabis was always refreshing and nice. Even though I don't smoke cannabis, I could get anxiety attacks. Though, the duration of the attack was longer and more severe when I was on cannabis.

Sorry if that last bit was too inappropriate, my apologies.

Thanks for reading!

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 101076
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 17 
Published: Mar 16, 2021Views: 380
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DMT (18) : General (1), First Times (2), Entities / Beings (37), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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