Citation: Drof. "Mystical Transformation: An Experience with 4-HO-MET & MDMA (exp101231)". Erowid.org. Jun 6, 2017. erowid.org/exp/101231
Events described here took place at a small psytrance festival located deep in the woods. I was 19 years old at the time and had already experienced many psychedelic drugs both tryptamines and phenethylamines.
I find myself sitting besides a campfire, warming my body on a cold summer night. The music in the distance sounds more and more inviting with every moment passing by. But before I launch into outer space, I must prepare my multi-dimensional spaceship. My hand finds its way into the pocket of my red cotton trousers and bring forth a valuable and rare gift I got in return for a favor. I split in half the 25mg of 4-HO-MET and manufacture two tight bombers, ready for ingestion.
After swallowing one of the two, I remain in the presence of the campfire for a while. Slowly my perception of time is becoming heavily distorted, although no other effects of the entheogen are eminent. I have no idea how much time has gone by and as visual distortions enter my field of perception, I decide to go and have a look at what is going on at the dancefloor. The 3-minute walk from the campsite to the dancefloor seems like ages, and as I am getting colder and colder I start laughing at the situation I am in, barely moving my feet soaked in cold, barely distinguishing the tents from the trees in the darkness. I feel like an injured soldier trying to find his way to an ally base, fighting for survival.
Finally, I manage to make it to the dancefloor. The music is great, but confusion finds an empty room in my mind and settles in. Thoughts of all kinds are swimming across my mind. They are mostly unimportant and quickly forgotten, so that is why I start asking myself: »Did I make a mistake? Will this be another utterly meaningless and repetative experience?«. Luckily, I bump into my friend B on the dancefloor, and he asks me if I am willing to give him some MDMA, which I had already prepared for ingestion earlier. I have two doses of about 125mg, so I decide to take one and give the other to B.
After some time, while remaining on the dancefloor, I spontaneously slip into a somewhat meditational state of mind. Thoughts begin to dissolve in an ocean of awareness. I am absorbed by the music and the music is absorbed into me. We merge. My consciousness spreads around me, like a fart trying to find its way into the noses of other people. I look around and see myself in everything and everyone. What previously seemed like separate and individual objects of perception, now appears to be deeply interconnected. I suddenly understand the complex subtle network of consciousness underlying all things in the material world. I realize my third eye has been blasted open, allowing me for the first time in my life, to intuitively understand the oneness of all creation. Something that until now, I knew only in theory from various religious and spiritual traditions.
Suddenly, I am being hugged. I open my eyes and see my friends M and N. I hug them back and in a few moments each of us heads in his own direction, but I manage to catch a glimpse of N's wide smile. There was something special about that sincere smile. »Did he feel my gentle vibration, the peaceful state of mind I was in?« I ask myself and a voice inside me replies yes.
I decide to head to the cottage nearby, to moisten my dried out mouth with some water. On the way, I begin to feel extremely cold again. But this time, it is not unpleasant even though it feels exactly the same as before. Discomfort and suffering have become just distant memories of the past. The present is filled with joy. I feel a deep love towards everything in existence coming from my heart, utterly beyond my control. I know this is true. I know this is my natural state of being. All the illusions and negative mind states are simply swept away by truth. The truth of love, that has been hidden in me, covered in many layers of accumulating emotional dust for such a long time. This is ecstasy. This is bliss. Every breath is an orgasm. Every sensation is just a fragment of the eternal and infinite Self. I am the air I breath. I am the sound I hear. I am profoundly aware of this. As the filtering system of my five senses is breaking down, the sixth sense rises from the depths of my soul revealing the Truth.
After a few sips of water in the restroom, I look into the mirror to see my face. For the first time in my life, I say to myself: »I am beautiful«. From the deep dilated pupils of my eyes, I see a glow coming towards me. A divine glow, carrying with it the message of love and light. I am just about to head back towards the dancefloor, when I meet two friends of mine, A and L. They ask me: »So? How is it?« I reply: »Beautiful. I have never felt such love.« I then see from the look on their faces that they too see the glow in my eyes, that they too feel the intense vibration radiating around me. The big »Wow!« coming from the mouth of L only confirms my assumption. »Go and meditate« she says. »Yes, I must deepen my experience« I reply in agreement and start walking towards my next destination… the fusion floor behind the cottage.
I sit down on the cold moist grass in the half-lotus position and begin cleansing my mind of thought. What was once a difficult task, I can now handle with ease. I am falling deeper and deeper into the hole that is opening up in my mind. My body becomes just an echo from the distance, barely perceivable.
My body becomes just an echo from the distance, barely perceivable.
The ego is fading. Finally, I am simply sitting calmer than ever before, in silence, just bathing in the Truth. Suddenly, I realize: »This is it. I have found inner peace.« Never before have I felt so happy, so complete, so full of love and compassion towards everything in existence.
»Hey, Buddha Boy! Want a line? A cigaret? A spliff?« I hear a woman calling to me from a nearby table. I do not respond. I will not let wordly pleasures break my meditation. But eventually, my meditation is broken. A pretty looking and pleasant sounding woman sits down by my side and utters these words: »I have been watching you since you came here and all I can say is you deserve my respect. In the middle of all this, you manage to find your inner peace.« I reply to her: »Indeed, but tonight is the first time I have succeeded.« She looks somewhat surprised to hear this, then asks me if I would like a drink. As she brings me a glass of water and aims the drinking straw into my mouth, I can't help but be reminded of the story of the Buddha, who while in deep meditation received small amounts of rice from a kind young girl.
Soon after that, I decide to go check out the party on the main floor. The vibe there is perfect. I remember I have some weed in my pocket and roll a big spliff. I see many known faces, my supplier amongst others. I express my sincere gratitude for what he has given me. A gift truly worthy of receiving (and giving). The clock is ticking and the party soon comes to an end. I head back to the campsite, where I chill for a while in good company. I soon become tired, so I find my sleeping friend B (why did I give him MDMA if he's sleeping?) in the tent and take his place under the blanket. I fall into slumber without effort.
This was simply the most profound spiritual experience I ever had. I was catapulted out of the lukewarm everyday mood into a state of pure love towards anything I laid my eyes on. I experienced the shattering of my ego, I saw with my own eye (third one) the Divine Consciousness flowing through everything and everyone, I found inner peace and infinite love inside myself, something that remains present in me until this very moment. It's been two days since the experience and I feel that my task now is to maintain this state of being for the rest of my life and spread universal love and compassion amongst all sentient beings.
Namaste! And remember, I love you!
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