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I Cannot Believe It
Citation:   totally shocked. "I Cannot Believe It: An Experience with DMT (exp101234)". Erowid.org. Oct 14, 2019. erowid.org/exp/101234

2 hits smoked DMT
I just smoked 70mg of DMT for the first time ever and was *blasted*, like a rocket ship, into a completely bizarre dimension with either different laws of physics or no laws at all.

I failed to break through on my first attempt via the 'volcano' method. I basically constructed a bong out of a Hawaiian Punch two liter bottle with tin foil at the bottom. The taste of DMT is putrid and the first attempt was a total failure save for a few interesting patterns and colors. I decided to wait one hour and try again, this time using the 'sandwich' method. I had some ash in a bowl, put the DMT on top, then another layer of ash on top of the DMT. I was expecting to fail again, resigning myself to not having a breakthrough, accepting that probable outcome. After the first hard toke, I began to see multi-colored patterns which did not alarm me. When I took the second toke I was immediately flung, like a canon ball, into another realm. I was hyper ventilating out of uncontrollable shock, believing I was going to die. I had no idea a place like this could ever exist, ever. I wanted desperately to leave, but could not.

There was an entity. It looked like some female fairy who was spastically flying around. It appeared as if she was holding a wand which was emitting bursts of color. She had black hair, and was wearing a red, shiny, skin-tight 'space suit'. She reminded me of a Marvel comic superhero. She was making something with her wand, like drawing in air. It appeared as if she was constructing some sort of object, which to me looked like art. She did this right in front me. The object was transparent, three-dimensional, and rectangular with rainbow colored edges. The object sort of zapped out of her wand.

I could not bear to look and tried desperately to avoid her, but she was pulling my attention in her direction. I did not want her to acknowledge my presence, but she knew I was there. I was totally conscious and had my normal, rational faculties with me, but I was completely panic stricken. The petrified part of my psyche was saying 'I want to go back...I want to go back...I want to back'; however, there was another part of my psyche that was so utterly incredulous of being taken out of my body, and flung into hyperspace, that I simply had to bring something back as proof. It was as if I had a Prometheus moment and wanted to steal something from that realm, bring it back to Earth, and show others. But this entity could hear my thoughts and she had a response. Her message was something to the effect of 'look at me naughty boy child...whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' (not in those precise words, obviously, but you get the point). I was not allowed to bring whatever I saw back to Earth, so I am left scrambling in an attempt to stitch together fragments of scattered memories.
I was not allowed to bring whatever I saw back to Earth, so I am left scrambling in an attempt to stitch together fragments of scattered memories.

At some point I began to calm down by the aid of a message I received on 4 grams of Psilocybin several months prior. The shrooms, 'Logos', whatever, communicated that I was a cosmic being. That I was the byproduct of millions of years of evolution. That there was *something* very right about me. So I just kept repeating over and over 'I am a cosmic being...I am a cosmic being...I am a cosmic being'. Those reassuring words helped calm me down and I started to come back. By that point I was just observing the swirling patterns of the realm and could breathe normally. I was still very anxious to return to my body.

That dimension, that place, wherever it is, felt very, very real. I am left wondering: who are we really? What are we? Why do we exist? Are we a lower life form? Or cosmic in our own way? There is another form of intelligence out there that is very alive. Is it more powerful than us? Is it kind? Is it cruel? With Psilocybin I feel a sort of kindness communicating to or through me. Like a Gaian mother cradling her baby. I had no sensations of that nature in the DMT realm. It was not good or bad, it was not heaven nor was it hell. It was simply physics-defying, and I felt completely helpless. Was the sensation of helplessness due to complete shock? I am not sure.

Returning to my body I was comforted by the thought of good old fashioned rationality. Like I wanted to grab and hug a math book. The experience opened a whole new world of questions for me. I am not sure if I could ever do this again. On one level, I am proud of myself for being so absurdly audacious to conduct such a terrifying experiment. On another level, I am just bewildered and scared.

I could not stop shaking after returning to my body. I do not know what to think. I am mystified and changed.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 101234
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: Oct 14, 2019Views: 1,063
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DMT (18) : Difficult Experiences (5), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)

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