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How It Changed My Mental State
4-Methoxymethcathinone
by TheFellowMan
Citation:   TheFellowMan. "How It Changed My Mental State: An Experience with 4-Methoxymethcathinone (exp101662)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2020. erowid.org/exp/101662

 
DOSE:
  repeated insufflated 4-Methoxymethcathinone (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 10.6 st


Before I go into how Methadrone has changed my psyche I wanted to provide a background as to who I was, how I first tried the drug and where I am now.

My first experience with any sort of high was back when I was 17 yoa, I had just started working for a small company in which a vast majority of the staff took Cocaine, being young, impressionable and naïve when offered a line of extremely potent coke during the company’s annual Christmas night out I jumped at the opportunity to pass initiation and win respect with my new colleagues, it was amazing, probably too amazing in hindsight. 12 months later I lived for the weekend, I had lost my job as an electrician at the aforementioned company and was now working for a sales company. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and most Sundays were now under the control of my new friend coke and I didn’t care, going out was everything.

Then the anxiety started, it was minimal initially, usually a twinge of palpitations the morning after but nothing I was overly concerned about in all honesty. I then discovered Methadrone, or Cat as we called it. Cheaper, stronger and crazier than any Cocaine I had ever tried, I never looked at the negatives just how amazing I felt. I was unaware that this brand new crystalized powder would be so controlling.

Another 12 months passed, I was back living at home, with no job, no girlfriend and no prospects. Life was dull and filled with the now mandatory compulsion to take the drug, no longer would I go out to socialize and meet people, I would end up at 3 day house parties where like-minded people could go, get absolutely rotten with no one to judge you. I would spend 40 on a quarter of an ounce but this wouldn’t last long, the hunger grew in parallel with my anxiety and paranoia. I would come home 2 days later, fail to eat because of the ulcerations in my mouth and sleep. I would wake up fuzzy, confused and shaking. Regular noises shattered my eardrums and everything irritated me, I was zombified and someone who started off being a good looking guy turned into a mess.

I attempted to sort my life out however I would always be drawn back to the same crowd of misfits to take the drug, I decided I needed to get away, for good. I applied for a job 50 miles away, on the day of my interview, which had gone quite well, whilst awaiting my train something came over me, a rush of fear like nothing I had experienced before, when did I last have some Cat I thought to myself… It had been almost 4 Days. Before I knew it my heart was racing, I was shaking, and fell into a massive panic attack on the busy platform. I was rushed into the café where I was given water, and time to recuperate my senses before I went on my way. I can remember the steely embarrassment of what had happened the day after.

I had got the job, somehow, I had a week before I had to start work. With nothing to fill my time, I went back to the parties that week, I spent the last of my money on Cat leading to 4 days without sleep and possibly the worst comedown I had ever experienced, my brain was shattered, the chemical unbalance meant I was sweating profusely, freezing cold, my heart was racing and I thought I was about to die. I went to get some water, on the way the feeling intensified and sent me hurtling out of control, It became impossible to breathe and before I knew it I was hyperventilating on the floor, going blue. My mother ran in, panic stricken she called an ambulance. That moment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. In that hazy dark moment I had a sudden realization.

2 Years have passed since this experience; I have not taken any drugs at all since then and have no desire to do so. I now live 50 miles away from my existing life, I have met new friends, have a good job and the only drug I take now is caffeine! Whilst most days I knock about 5 cups of coffee and 3 redbulls back there’s minimal anxiety and a sense of calm. My mindset has changed, I'm often controllably paranoid and have mood swings on occasions but nothing I cannot handle, I guess the truth is that I have come to realize that’s just who I am now.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 101662
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21 
Published: Jun 20, 2020Views: 623
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4-Methoxymethcathinone (515) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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