Citation: Adam. "One Night in Eden: An Experience with MDMA (exp101731)". Erowid.org. Nov 5, 2020. erowid.org/exp/101731
This is the story of the mind-blowing night that was my first MDMA experience.
I was travelling through Thailand with my friend. We had known each other since he was born since our families are good friends, and we have an incredible connection that not many people have, despite being very different in our ways and behaviour. I myself am an rather positive person, I try to see the good in people (not to the point of being naive of course) and am quite interested in meeting people of all countries and colours and tend to find a quick way into communication with strangers. I study languages and speak fluent German, English and Spanish, and can understand French. My friend is a less communicative person, although he is incredibly clever with the natural sciences. He studies physics and, in contrast to me, is a quite tidy and organised person.
We arrived in Bangkok and decided the first place we wanted to go was the southern island of Ko Pha Ngan, an tropical island paradise we'd heard a lot about. There was the famous (August) Full Moon Party coming and we really wanted to go. We got to the island a few days early and enjoyed being free, the sun and beach and parties... Turned on 'holiday head' as I called it.
We'd both experimented with (crappy) cocaine and mushrooms, and were cultivating weed at the time, so we were massive smokers. I'd also done amphetamine twice, which worked quite nicely but the next day was always horrible. One day before the Full Moon's, we met two lovely girls while having curry at night, and they told us they'd stayed on the island about two months, so we started picking their brains. Long Story short: they told us to ditch the Full Moon's because it was shit (the same dumb music, incredibly rude and disgusting French/German/English drunks and rip-offs as everywhere in Thailand/all other tourist backpacker countries). Instead they told us another place to go to, which was more secluded, more relaxed and had nicer people. It sounded very mysterious. It couldn't be reached by land, so you had to take a boat there. Then the one girl told us we could also buy drugs there. They hadn't, but she said 'I saw a guy walking up to the Bar, asking for MDMA and getting it'. I'd heard of MDMA, and so far all had been only positive. My friend didn't even know it, so I told him what I'd heard: blabla makes your heart full of joy blabla you'll think you'll explode with euphoria and so on.
I told him what I'd heard: blabla makes your heart full of joy blabla you'll think you'll explode with euphoria and so on.
When the night of the Full Moon came, we went to the beach where it took place as we had to go there anyway, since you could also go from that beach to the party the girls had told us about. We had a little Vodka before, but were in no case piss-faced-drunk. We entered Full Moon's at 11:30 at night. The first thing we saw when we got to the beach was an English Bloke vomiting. Great. We looked around. It was like the girls had told us. Crappy music. Shitty alcohol. Everyone drunk beyond the point of fun. At this point I feel I should note we are Germans, and drink a lot. But we don't behave like complete jackasses when we do. I also feel I should note my friend and me are really into deep house and minimal/drum'n bass music when we go out, so going to a party that plays lady gaga and dubstep music (which makes me feel like I'm gonna have an epileptic attack) just doesn't do the trick for us.
We looked at each other and instantly decided to leave the place. We found the boats that would take us to the other party and bartered the 'captain' down to 200bhat, like we'd been told to. When we sat down, there was another guy in the boat. He yelled in French to some people on the beach, and I instantly disliked him. I talked to my friend a bit and he sort of surveyed us, shooting glances and eavesdropping which surprised me since French people usually don't speak any other languages, much less show interest in people. He had a strange appearance as well. Really tall and thin, wearing a white shirt with collar and buttons which was far too large. He looked kind of funny actually =) His friends got on the boat, and then he suddenly asked us in German (with a French accent, but very well spoken) where we were going with the boat. I, quite surprised, told him the name of the place. Then he asked why we were going there. I looked at my friend, shrugged, and said 'I heard we can get drugs there'. He asked what kind of drugs. I looked at my friend again, then back at him. 'MDMA'. He smiled. 'Sehr gut'. It was a very strange conversation.
The captain roared up the engine, and off we went. Around a huge cliff, and suddenly in the dark, I could see lights along the coastline where I hadn't expected any. We stopped at another, BEEEAAAUUUTIFUL beach, got off the boat. We didn't know where to go, and the Frenchman had left off in one direction with his mates. While we weren't quite sure where to go as there were a couple of small, shady looking bars, he turned around in the distance and yelled 'what are you waiting for? Come on!'
We hurried after them to the end of the beach, where there was a small, incredibly shaky looking footbridge made of branches and pieces of wood leading up the huge stone cliff. We walked along with the strangers on the footbridge for a few minutes, and at some point got off it and walked across a huge rock only to find another footbridge behind it. 'Come on, we're almost there' said the guy, who I still sort of distrusted, but started to find more and more interesting.
We finally heard music. Good music. We walked closer and closer, and at the end of the bridge there was the most marvelous little bar, built across the huge rocks right above the ocean. We went up the stairs and took off our shoes (as is customary when going 'inside' a friends house and sometimes even shops in Thailand). I went inside with the others and looked around. It was amazing. Like nothing I'd ever seen before. It was just the simplicity of it all. There was a small, wooden dancefloor and bar inside, black lights on the top and many psychedelic goa wall-carpets and linen hanging in the appropriate places. Outside, there was a sort of chill-out garden, with small stone pebbles and cushions and tables with candles. And the music, OOOH the music. Finally some deep melodic vibes. I was really excited. This was an amazing place. The atmosphere was the complete opposite, of the horrible ambient we had just left.
Our new found friend told us what was happening, he'd been here before. We gave him money and he said he'd get the MDMA for us, he and his friends were also gonna take some. We sat with his friends (who weren't nearly as communicative as he was) and he came back and handed us a small plastic bag with 2 capsules in it, 2 glasses and some water. He told us to open the caps, dissolve the content in the water and then drink it. I looked at it, it was about half full with a brownish grey powder, with clearly discernable crystals.
We drank it. It tasted like shit. The next half an hour or so, was quite strange. The feeling when I take a drug, and I have no idea what to expect. Usually I did background checks on substances, getting information about hazards and do's&don'ts. This wasnt the case here. The frenchie told us to hold off the liquor, some beer would be ok but not to overdo it. And also to drink water and not to get too crazy...whatever that meant.
We talked and talked and got to know him better. He was really nice actually. Every now and then I'd shoot my friend a glance, trying to guess what he felt like and also trying to find out if I already felt any effects. I eventually started to feel a bit dizzy, my legs got wobbly, my heart started pounding a bit faster and I was feeling flushed and sweaty. Not that nice actually. I panicked a little bit if I really wanted this and hadn't made a mistake, but my french friend just laughed when he saw my face and said 'don't worry. Just wait a couple of minutes. You will feel like superman'. He made the superman-pose and started laughing. I started laughing too and suddenly felt a lot better. My friend too said he was feeling kind of wobbly, but then we couldn't really stand still and sit either. Everyone got louder and excited. The inhibition threshold was sloowlyy dropping. Wow. With French people! Who would'a thought that's possible.
About 40 minutes after drinking it, our 'guide' said 'come on, lets go dance'. We scuffled over from the secluded quiet place we'd been before and re-entered the main area. I was looking around. My eyes were kind of...shaky. I couldn't really focus. But then, I didn't really care. I wobbled around alone across the dancefloor and out into the chill-out-garden, filled with awe at the moment and what was happening to me and in this place. Everything looked really beautiful. I looked at the people at the party, counting everyone there were maybe 80 or so. It was a magnificent mix: Some young, incredibly HOT french brunettes, an old couple, maybe about 50 years old. Some women, in their 30's maybe, but dressed in elegant summer dresses with scarves hanging from around their hips, necks and arms. They looked like models. An old Japanese gentleman. A Russian woman in a coconut bikini, a Czech girl in a white dress with red flowers. Israeli guys. South Americans. Thai's. So many possibilities for me to have exciting conversations and find love.
I was a bit overwhelmed, the nice thoughts of interest and awe came in waves, I would feel a little nauseous and bestranged for a minute, then get another rush of bliss. Just like the waves ebbing at the rocks below the bar. All these thoughts and metaphors came to me, flying. My brain felt like it had just gone to nirvana and was filled with omniscient serenity. All pressure was gone, no worries anymore. Just the moment and the beauty that came with it.
All of the sudden the French guy came to find me. He told me my friend had thrown up, but was fine now. I panicked a bit, getting worried about him, but then I was lead to him and he was smiling. He said he'd felt really bad in his stomach, but now that he'd puked it out, all of the bad feeling was gone, however he wanted to get some water.
As I was standing in the garden outside, skidding around on the floor, enjoying the foot-orgasm the little stone pebbles gave me, my friend came to find me. He was quite excited and told me he'd just danced with the French guy and was so happy that we'd met him and decided to come to this place and share this experience all together. He kept on talking but I couldn't follow anymore, the feeling of the stones was too distracting. I looked at him, grabbed his arm and pulled him from the wooden plank into the stone pebbles. He instantly stopped talking and skidding around too. We enjoyed this for some minutes and then looked at each other, giggling.
'I like this' I said
'I like this too' he said.
I told him about the goosebumps I was getting with each wave of bliss that was rushing my head, and the people at the party and how beautiful they all were. He told me about how he had never felt anything like it before either and that the music was just incredible and how he couldn't stop moving.
'so, what do we do next?' I asked him.
He shrugged his shoulders, grinning.
And then, the girl appeared. I saw her, and she looked right back at me from a few feet away, smiling. We had this intense eye-contact, something I could never do in real life. Usually, when eyes meet, someone always looks away out of shame or disinterest. But not this time. Her look at me was as keen as mine at her, and there was nothing judging or bad in it. I just wanted to know her. Not to seduce her, to fuck her, to marry her or anything. I just wanted to know her, who she was, what she did.
She slowly danced over to us, all 3 of us grinning like embarassed children who're in love with each other, but unable to 'do' anything yet except enjoy the awkward-but-pleasantly-exciting atmosphere of being near each other. We started talking. She was from California. She had a belly-free shirt, a scarf wrapped elegantly around her head and those short pants I find so incredibly attractive. She told us she was candy-flipping, and after we explained we had no idea what that meant she explained it to us. To me the concept sounded crazy, but she sure was enjoying herself and I was enjoying her company. We'd met the second wonderful person. The conversation flowed so beautifully and easily, it was amazing. Usually when you meet someone travelling you go through all those dumb questions like 'what do you do, where are you from, how long have you been travelling, etc. '. Not this time. It had nothing of that interrogative character, we all just talked, inquired about the other or shared something. And me and her we giggled at each other a lot. I was feeling a very strong affection towards her.
All the while, I was thinking I should dance, enjoy the music and the trance-like state. Do what the other people who had told me about MDMA said it was about. But then I realized, I was at each moment incredibly sure of what I wanted to do. I want to smoke a cigarette. Have a sip of water. I want to dance. I want to talk to that guy. I want to go pee. I want to touch my friend. I want to touch the French guy. I want to touch the girl. And I did all those things, at no moment getting that LOST feeling I sometimes get when I've had a drink too much or lose my friends. I talked to many people, and almost everyone was talking back delightedly. I realized pretty much everyone who was there had taken either LSD or MDMA or both.
Our French friend came. He told us he would get some more and if we also wanted some. We decided to share a cap and afterwards the whole thing got even crazier. I was feeling more and more dizzy and at one point I literally felt like my head was a helium balloon and I would just float away into the night sky. The waves of bliss still hitting hard, everything got a lot more psychedelic and pulsating. The people dind't really look like themselves anymore. Instead they looked like monsters. This sounds bad but it didn't feel bad at all. They just somehow looked a bit intimidating, which was also due to the black light. The violet specks from their teeth and eyes would glare at me. I could've sworn an old Australian man I talked too looked EXACTLY like Popeye. My friend too looked different, somehow scary but also beautiful and shimmering at the same time. It was a party of monsters. But that was okay. We were all good monsters. I, too, was a monster. My lower jaw always wanted to go forward a bit and my pupils were like saucers. I couldn't wipe that grin off my face.
I was having a great time. It flowed by so fast. It wasnt like on hallucinogenics where I LOOSE TRACK of time, it was just that I so thoroughly enjoyed myself, that somehow every moment just couldn't be long enough. I remember having conversations with complete strangers about things I normally couldn't talk about in like ever. I talked to Popeye's wife, who was also around 50, about some of my sexual fears and problems I encountered with women, I told an English girl lying next to me some romantic things about the stars and the universe that I'd read in a book. I remember telling a French guy who was gay how I thought he was beautiful and sometimes felt jealous of homosexual men since they didn't have to put up with the psycho-mind-games women play (no offense!). What was so surprising about all this was that I didn't do so as a drunk who just bores the people, I always had their attention and I listened in equal shares to the stories they had to tell me. Everyone was sharing and learning. Kind of like in Kindergarten. I was feeling like a little boy who had so much to learn, but had the heart and courage to conquer it all.
I was feeling like a little boy who had so much to learn, but had the heart and courage to conquer it all.
Beautiful. My friend too was engaging in conversations with strangers, speaking very fluently in English like usually he couldn't for lack of practice and embarassment. The sun came up slowly and the sight of it is branded in the back of my head to this day.
The setting I experienced here was throughout the trip perfect for me. It was a party, but one didn't hide having taken drugs and could fully enjoy the rush. The place was so interesting and enjoyable, it would have been fun to hang out there completely sober.
We did more and more MDMA, not knowing that this drug is one that you should be very careful with. Not necessarily because of fear of dying and overdose, but at some point its too much and I think it definitely has a sweet spot. We thought we could just go on forever as long as we had money to buy more, but that last one we shared just fucked us up. We took it maybe 6, 5 hours after the first dose and then slowly came to accept we had to let it go. We left with our French friends, and went home. The trip home was horrible. Loud, uncomfortable. The bright sunlight and heat tormenting our exhausted bodies and minds.
In essence, this was an life-changing experience. I will definitely remember it all my life. I took so much from that night with me and benefit from it every day. I have grown from the experience.
For me its always a sad moment when I first feel the effects are starting to get weaker and that warm feeling inside goes away. However I need to acknowledge right then and there that it is coming to an end and get used to the thought of going home. Then the 'crash' will also be more pleasant as I'm ready for it. I have taken it a few times since then, but it was never as mind-blowing as that first time. But still VERY VERY GOOD. Maybe it's because the first time is always the best. Maybe what I took was also MDA or a mixture because it got so incredibly trippy at some points, something which has never happened since (I've never taken MDA so this is just a wild guess). In some ways this was more scary, but still superior to the other experiences.
My Night in Eden.
It was almost perfect.
PS:I lost the girl that night, but she visited me at home and it was magic *****
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