A Year of Hallucination Sex and Self
by Andy
Citation:   Andy. "A Year of Hallucination Sex and Self: An Experience with Diphenhydramine (exp101787)". Erowid.org. Apr 9, 2019. erowid.org/exp/101787

150-650 mg oral Diphenhydramine (daily)
A Year of Diphen. Hallucination Sex and Self

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I started experimenting with diphenhydramine when I was 16, almost 17 and soon was taking a higher dose each night.

I started with it by just looking for a way to sleep so I got some 25 mg pills and took one. Nothing happened so I tried another 2. At this time, I only weighed 116 and rarely ate so it hit pretty well for such a small dose. I was restless after I took the last two pills and so decided to go with my dad to pick up my brother from another town. I was already an experienced driver and my dad was tired so he decided it would be ok for me to drive. I did not know the effects of Diphen yet so I drove. About half way there I started to feel heavy limbed and a bit out of it. But I blinked and focused my best until I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It looked like a small, black shadow crossing the road a few hundred feet in front of the car. I got on the brakes a bit but then the shape vanished and I realised, this must be the pills. I asked my dad to drive us back home after we got my brother and I continued to see strange shadows out of the corner of my eye.

I tried taking the same dose a few times and sometimes about 25 mg more but it only gave me really antsy legs. So one night I took a bit more, about 200 mg and ended up laying in bed petting my cat for 2 hours because the body high was so nice that I could not believe my cat was so soft.

I started trying higher doses. I still had not thought to look up the effects of Diphen
I still had not thought to look up the effects of Diphen
so I was just experimenting. One day I decided it would be fun to take it during school. I was just becoming friends with other people experimenting with drugs and I was the first to try something like this so I felt cool. I'd take 100 mgs since I'd developed a bit of a tolerance. I just felt very heavy, a little nauseous and sleepy but I pushed through it all. So I started trying 125 mg- 150 mgs. And that is where I hit trouble.

I'd be sitting in my last period which lasted an hour. And about half an hour into the class my head would feel too heavy to hold up and I'd zone out so bad that my head started to sink to the desk. My teacher would try to talk to me but I had such bad cottonmouth and it did not feel like I could talk. I felt the words at the back of my throat but I could not make them come out my mouth. So I either just nodded and tried to look focused on my book or if I was lucky I could force out a 'can I get a drink?' and the sound of my own voice kind of shocked me and made my heart skip a bit. Usually she said yes so I'd stumble my way out the door with slow, heavy steps and either try to throw up whatever was left in me or stand still and breathe because I realised I'd taken too high of a dose to be in school. Usually when I got back, the teacher would leave me alone so I could ride out the peak in peace.

I stopped taking it for a while after I dropped out of high school.

Then I finally did some research to find out why it affected me like that. And I learned some new effects I could achieve with a higher dose. So I gave it a shot and LOVED it. I don't know what about it I liked so much but I ended up doing it every night for about 6- 7 months.

I learned the patterns of my families sleep so I could take it and the effects started as they all went to bed and I could trip throughout the night without much worry. I'd be on the computer in my upstairs loft room, usually playing a distracting arcade game when I took them. I knew that within about half an hour the effects would start and I was usually prepared for any disruption during my trip. I always tried to have a cup of water because I knew I'd get cotton mouth. I'd have headphones in with no music playing in case someone woke up and tried to talk to me. Since talking was so hard, it gave me a bit of time to make my mouth work between me hearing them and them tapping me on the shoulder to ask whats up, am I ok? I could usually muster up a yes, I'm ok, nothing, ect. Even though the sound of my own voice sounded shocking loud and sudden to myself. Even though I'd been trying to talk and had the words in my mouth, once I said them, it sent a jolt through my body and seemed to wake me back up into reality.

Often I would continue playing my game until my reflexes became too slow, I zoned out too much or decided I wanted something else. But more times than most it almost seemed like my brain shut down. I'd be playing and suddenly I'd snap back into life and realise I'd been staring at my computer screen for 20 minutes without moving. I'm not sure if I'd fallen asleep but my hands were always still in the same spot as they had been before I'd blanked out. I don't recall any thoughts that may have passed through my mind at that point except on occasions when I had imaginary conversations with friends that were not there.

This usually happened when I was alone, late at night and was not usually very unsettling. I'd normally zone out without knowing it and end up in a dream state where I was awake and functioning but to a point where I was holding conversations with people who were not there. I could feel them there next to me and hear them holding normal conversation. I remember asking how and why they were there but also remember me struggling to stay actual words so I'm not sure if I actually said anything. I only remember for sure finally being able to blurt one word which would make my heart drop and scare the hell out of me. It was otherwise silent in my house and I was in such a trance that when I finally got a word out, it was so loud and sharp that I startled myself into reality, only to slip back into my sleep like state a few seconds later.

It took a few weeks of this to realize it was my own voice that startled me. Usually I'd jump when I managed to make a real noise after holding what I thought was a real convo with friends. I had always passed this off as me imagining things until my friend watched me do it. He was homeless at the time so was staying over. I took about 500 mgs and started on my game. He was sleeping on a couch in the same room but was wide awake and watching me, even though he did not know I was tripping. Soon it kicked in and without the slow lead up because I'd upped my dose by 50mgs that night instead of the usual 25. I remember quite a bit from that night, more than usual.

I dosed myself, settled him onto the couch and went into my game, waiting for it to kick in. I was focused on the game when suddenly I felt like my 3 best friends were next to me, talking to me. In my head I knew they were not at my place this late. I'd seen them leave. But they were all 3 there and talking to me and I was struggling to respond to them. Finally I got a word out 'what?!' which was strikingly loud in the silence of my house and my friend was still up and sitting stock still on the couch looking at me. He's called Silent Germ because the man does not talk. At all. So we just looked at each other and I went back to my game which lasted about 5 minutes before I saw my friends again and once again shouted 'what?!' and it startled me out of my stupor. I looked at my friend and he was watching me wide eyed and he never shows emotion on his face so I asked what was up? He asked if I was ok and I said yes, why? He told me what I'd been doing and that is when I decided to sleep.

But usually when I was there enough, I'd wonder into the garage where we housed some stray kittens I'd rescued off a construction site but weren't allowed in the house because of a ring worm infestation. I'd sit down and let them crawl all over me, petting them and just marveling over how amazingly soft their fur was, holding them up and looking them in the eyes and I almost felt that I was looking at and connecting on a deep level with something not from this earth. Or I felt a deep empathy for them and let them all inside and make an over the top room for them in our pantry. I did this on so many nights that they were allowed to stay in the pantry.

If I was not playing with the kittens, I'd be testing what my mind and body did on the drug. I'd try my best to not zone out. By the time I was taking 500-650 mgs I knew what effects I would have and I learned to tilt them to my liking. If I wanted to zone out and hallucinate convos, I'd let my mind go numb. If I wanted some visuals but more of a body high, I'd walk around my house, play with the kittens and eventually I learned the power of masturbating on diphen. If I wanted purely visuals, I'd find things to focus on. I learned how to focus and keep myself in my own head long enough to understand it was the drugs creating what I was seeing. I'd see huge daddy long leg spiders quivering on my water cup and even though I have a terrible fear of spiders, I understood that it was the drugs, and reached to touch them in my amazement of the visual effects. I'd run my hand up and down the cup, the spiders never moved.

When I first began playing with diphen, the first sign I looked for was what I call 'invisible lightening'. It looks like little bolts of quivering light shoot around my normal vision, even though I may feel normal. I dosed my friend and she said she felt like she was seeing letters that flashed before her eyes when focusing on the ceiling. I feel like it also shows itself as 'bugs'. If there is a spec or spot on the floor, and I focus on it, I really cannot tell if it is a bug or not. So many times I've been simply peeing and become focused on a dot on the floor, convinced it's moving but it never seems to really make any distance.

It was during this time that I became bored and learned of diphens effects on sex and masturbation. I was a 16-17 year old girl, I had high hormones. So once I learned how to stay fully conscious during the trip, I sometimes ran into high hormones. And since my then girlfriend fell asleep long before I did, I had some alone time. And soon I learned how amazing orgasm can be on diphen. After the first time, I was almost addicted. I usually bring myself to orgasm 6-7 times in a normal session to feel satisfied. Once on diphen and my body was buzzing too hard to even consider a second round.

I started masturbating every night and dosing myself pretty high in hopes that it would make it feel even better. But at that point, it would not get better without hurting. It took a bit longer than sober rubbing, but the release felt so good throughout my whole body that it almost hurt. I have normal, feel good cums, but this was something I cannot explain. It starts in my toes, and as my mind blanks out, it travels up and all of my limbs go limp but it continues to slowly light up all of my nerves until I lay still gasping. And this was every night. I was so addicted to the feeling that I masturbated with my friend in the bed next to me.

But despite all the fun I had, I still had my bad times. I could not masturbate to satisfaction sober for months, sex with my girlfriend was not the same, I looked at my kittens weird, I could not sleep normally, I started having panic attacks and started dosing myself way too high and with mixed meds. I quickly ran out of pure diphen pills and so took 26 tylenol pms [=13 grams acetaminophen]. I felt no trip, nothing good so I just slept and woke up puking my guts up and realising I'd taken a highly dangerous dose of tylenol.
I felt no trip, nothing good so I just slept and woke up puking my guts up and realising I'd taken a highly dangerous dose of tylenol.
My mom is a nurse and I asked her what would happen if someone took 26 tylenol and she said kidney and liver problems were a hurt worry. So I was scared sick for months. I've done ok so far but I'd really never do it again.
[Erowid Note: Some medications contain acetaminophen/paracetamol in combination with other drugs. When taking large amounts of those mixed medications, the amount of acetaminophen can become toxic to the liver. Deaths have been reported at 10 grams of acetaminophen and accidental acetaminophen over dose is a cause of liver failure. Maximum recommended daily dosage is 4 grams. People with liver disease or regular users of other liver-loads such as alcohol should probably use less than 4 grams per day.]
It was fun but in the long run, I can't even imagine the damage my body had taken. I started taking 150 mg and at my peak, I was taking 25 mg more than the night before, day after day until I was taking 26 pills in one shot and not even counting mgs.

It's an amazing experience if I learn to control it, otherwise it can be quite shocking, unnerving and unsafe.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 101787
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Apr 9, 2019Views: 6,935
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Diphenhydramine (109) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Sex Discussion (14), Entities / Beings (37), Alone (16)

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