Citation: Double D. "A Temporary Solution for World Peace: An Experience with MDMA (exp101879)". Erowid.org. Sep 16, 2019. erowid.org/exp/101879
When I took MDMA for the first time, I was a senior in high school. I had no experience at all with psychedelics, but was a frequent marijuana smoker. Although I am by nature very anxious and paranoid and initially had a lot of doubts about whether or not to do it, my partner at the time was fairly experienced with a wide variety of drugs and assured me that what he had was pure white 'Molly'. We had only been dating for around two months and still barely knew each other, and I thought it would be a fun thing for both of us to experience together as well as wanted my first time using a chemical to be with someone as experienced as him.
We decided to go to a club that was known for it's trippy lighting. He picked me up from my house at around 9:00 PM and at around 9:15 PM, he handed me a capsule in which he had put 85 mg of white MDMA powder. He told me that it was a low dose for me since it was my first time, and that his capsule contained 160 mg of it. We reached the basement parking lot of the club where we parked the car and put some music on. I began to feel a little uneasy and queasy. He made lowered the temperature of the air conditioner, gave me a sip of water and put his arm around me, asking me to lean in and relax as this was a normal part of the process.
I burped a few times, and the uneasiness in my stomach began to slowly disappear. I snuggled up closer to him, and marvelled at just how soft his skin was. He asked me what I was feeling, and out of nowhere I had this sudden urge to tell him that I loved him. That we barely knew each other, but I loved him with all my heart, I loved him in every sense of the word love- and when I told him this, he laughed, kissed me, told me he loved me too and then leaned in and whispered that the MDMA was kicking in. I couldn't help but note how good his breath on my ear felt, and I couldn't stop looking at him, touching him and telling him how beautiful he was- inside and out.
He then suggested that we enter the club, although I really would have been content with just sitting in his car all night and talking to him, but he insisted that MDMA was a drug made for dancing- and he was right. The time by then was about 10:30 pm.
As we walked up the stairs that led us out of the basement parking lot, my thighs rubbed together, and they felt so feathery soft. Walking felt like a pleasure. I also felt extremely sexy- as though everything I said and every step I took simply oozed sex appeal. I felt as light as a bubble floating in the air, my body weight felt non existent. We walked up to the entrance of the club, and I ran into an old friend. I was so excited by this, I hugged my friend warmly at least thrice and giggled and laughed at everything he said. My partner and I then finally entered the club. It was relatively empty for a wednesday night but I was happy about this, because I felt like I had enough space to dance. The music hit me a few minutes after I walked in. I felt an irresistable urge to move my hands and feet, and somehow when I did, they moved perfectly in time to the music. By this time, the MDMA began to hit my partner too. We danced passionately moving our hips in sync and hugging wherever possible, and our skin felt melted together. One thing I noticed was that my jaws would not stop clattering and I bit my tongue a lot. My eyes too kept flickering, and my vision kept jerking rightwards when I tried to concentrate on things. However, the euphoria that accompanied it made up for all physical uneasiness.
Suddenly, I was approached by a girl that I was not really on very good terms with. It didn't seem to matter. I greeted her with the same enthusiasm that I greeted my old friend at the entrance with and happily introduced her to my partner, asking her if we could buy her a drink. She declined but stuck around for a while, returning my enthusiasm. As I began to think, I realized that there really was no point harbouring hostility towards anyone
I realized that there really was no point harbouring hostility towards anyone
, and that Sigmund Freud was wrong when he said that human beings were primarily evil- it just seemed impossible for anybody to be 'primarily evil'. My Partner and I then took a break from our energetic dancing and went to stand by the bar and talk. He consumed alcohol, but didn't let me as he said it would dehydrate me. Instead, he got me a bottle of water that I found myself gulp down in one go effortlessly. We began talking, and I began to reveal all sorts of things about myself. It was as though the filter that normally stops us from speaking aloud most of our thoughts had simply dissolved. I told him about the times I was bullied, and about how men only seemed to want me for sex and never for a relationship- all of these being things I would never have dreamed of telling someone outright. He comforted me, complimented me, and began to share some stuff about himself. I felt a truly deep connection to him at this moment.
It was now around 11:15 PM, and as we walked back towards the dance floor, I looked up and literally had to stop to catch my breath. Above us on the ceiling was a plethora of glass sticks with light pulsing through them, making it look like rain. I squealed like a baby and clapped my hands, then taking my partners hand into mine and jumping. The light felt as though it was coming straight out of my heart, like it was my aura projecting itself onto the glass sticks. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. We danced and made merry for about another 45 minutes.
The peak of the MDMA was now over, but the effects were still very strong. We decided to leave the club at 12:15AM. We drove back to his apartment block where we parked downstairs and put on some music in the car and began talking again, sharing candid information about our lives and talking about how good it felt to be around each other. We did this until about 1:00 AM, after which we went up to his flat and cuddled and kissed till 4:00 AM, when the effects had almost entirely worn out, but a glow still remained. He then drove me to a friend's apartment where I slept over.
I found it very difficult to go to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I was assaulted by a multitude of geometric and psychedlic patterns mixed with very realistic items. One particular image that kept popping up was of a stately vietnamese woman surrounded by geometric shapes. My eyelids kept flickering and I felt uncomfortable and hot, constantly asking my friend to turn make air conditioner temperature cooler. Eventually though I must have drifted off at some point. I woke up at 1:00 PM the next day, and my partner and I went to get breakfast. I was feeling very, very uneasy. I couldn't eat and I had a horrible headache, along with ulcers all over my mouth. My jaw felt sore, and I felt too tired to even make conversation. I also felt pukey. It didn't help that the sun was shining furiously and the hot weather amplified my nausea. My partner then dropped me home and I slept for a good six hours.
For the next few days, I felt very light headed and little sick. I tried to find 5HTP pills but they didn't seem to be available anywhere. I also noted feelings of depression and sadness hanging over me for the entirety of that week.
Overall, I think my first MDMA roll was absolutely beautiful, and I'm very lucky to have had one where basically nothing went wrong. I was with a person I had strong feelings for in a safe environment, I lived with my parents at the time but they were well aware of my activities and I didn't have to worry about being caught.
MDMA really gave me a different perspective on life. Although I was depressed for the week following it, I am now able to look back upon my experience and see how it made me change. It brought my partner and I closer, It made me a more relaxed person, and I'm very thankful that I got a chance to experience this interesting state of mind.
It has been six months since that night, the first and only time I have tried MDMA, and I would definitely give it again if in the right place with the right people.
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