Citation: Lincoln. "Terrified and Humbled: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp10201)". Erowid.org. Aug 19, 2004. erowid.org/exp/10201
To give you an idea of my experience with Salvia Divinorum (SD), I should note that I have consumed roughly 1/2 ounce of natural-strength oaxacan SD within 2 years of my experience with the extract this evening. I learned to inhale deeply from regular cannabis use and my lungs seem to be extraordinarily capable of handling foreign substances. With the regular SD leaves, I was able to achieve one memorable 'journey' and several lesser ones. Although I became disconnected and unaware of my surroundings in the strongest of these trips, I have never been hurled into the SD world like tonight.
I recently decided to stop my use of cannabis, which after almost daily use in high school has become hindersome in college (concentration, motivation, etc). I still have the desire to change my state of mind. So, my daily cannabis habit has been replaced with pharmaceuticals, alcohol, N2O, and mushrooms when available (almost never). Today I purchased 1 gram of 10x SD extract from a local smokeshop for $35, and used it on two occasions. The first was a mild but familiar feeling from one large 'hit' of the extract from a water pipe. This was exciting but mild, and reminded me of my decision that SD is not a recreational drug. This occured during daylight hours with the television on and with one of my drug-using friends and was quite manageable, though I felt and acted quite sporadic and giddy. I knew it was nothing compared to what could happen in a sensory deprived environment, and anticipated nightfall with excitement.
That evening, I gathered with the original friend and another one, both unfamiliar with SD except from my descriptions and the girl's brief sampling of its effects earlier. I turned off the television, computer monitor, and overhead lights, using christmas lights to see the water pipe I was loading. We all took our single large hit, and my friends wanted more of the feeling and urged me to pack another load. I seemed to be feeling the initial effects more intensly than the others, but agreed because I too wanted a more intense psychadelic experience. I had briefly lost awareness of my location with the first hit, but had returned quickly to knowing what I was doing. I pinched several times from the small bag to provide enough plant matter in the pipe without reloading between persons, because I wanted to have all of the lights off. I inhaled not as deeply as I could have, so as to conserve more for the following two people who seemed less effected.
The next few moments become increasingly difficult to describe. I passed the bong and then held the smoke in as long as I could, but was soon unaware of where I was. I saw the two individuals sitting in front of me, but was not aware of who they were or what they were doing there. I lifted my head and looked to my right to see a large black wave of void and I felt as if I needed to crouch away, or did so instinctively. I looked around trying to grasp reality, and saw my friends but still didn't know what was happening or that I was on SD. I asked frantically, 'What are you doing? What are you doing?' several times and heard the girl say, 'what are YOU doing?'. The guy was laughing but i didn't understand why. Suddenly I couldn't see anything around me again and was in the dream-like world. I felt the wave beside me again and looked around to see a huge void that reminded me of a baseball diamond (I never watch or play the sport) and felt like it was a completely different situation, and a different day. I felt incredible pressure from the universe around me but I had no idea what I was feeling pressured to do.
The bong was handed to me and I held it in my hand, saying 'No no no its not mine'. I felt as if my dad or some similiar authority figure with great influence was watching me and I didn't know what I was holding but felt it wasn't right and I would be punished. I held the bong out until someone took it away. I was excessively perspiring by now and felt very nervous of the situation I imagined myself to be in. I began begging my friends to 'stop yelling at me' and then just 'stop'. It felt like I was being reprimanded for something and I didn't want to be. They of course didnt know what I was talking about and I felt so anxious and scared of the void that was still to my right. I could not shake these feelings of pressure and somehow thought the entities in front of me (my friends) were causing this overwhelming pressure. Everything seemed to want to tell me I was a bad person for something I did but couldn't control and I cried out as I jumped from the floor and stood up. I begged them to stop, feeling as if I was on the verge of tears as I ran towards the door across the dorm room.
I stumbled across the room that I have spent so much time in but looked completely unfamiliar to me. I put my face against the cool wooden door for a second then turned around, knelt down beside the bed and buried my face in the thick comforter with my hands on my head. I waited there until I was able to think realistically again, and I'm not sure how I distinguished between the void-world and my life again. When I stood back up and faced my dumbfounded friends I was still attempting to understand where I had just come from, as if it where a real place. I could see in a unreal haze everything around me, and kept asking my friends if they had gone 'there'. I felt frantic and out of control, two feelings which are unfamiliar to me in my experience with psychoactives, except very briefly with my first strong SD experience over a year ago. I kept demanding to know where they had gone and where I had gone, and the girl told me we all stayed in the same room and that I hadn't gone anywhere.
I knew this already, and was exasperated because they couldn't understand what I meant. I still felt as if the SD induced world had been real and kept trying to ask if they had gone into the other world. Gradually but rather quickly I realized what had happened and my friends told me they felt 'fucked up' but didn't have any idea of the world I spoke of. As the effects wore down I felt very uneasy of what had happened and tried to escape the strong negative feelings that I recognized as the immediate after effects of SD. I felt so 'dark' and full of negative energy which seemed so unnatural. I wanted to feel happy again and asked the girl if I could put some of her sensimilla in the bong. She asked if I would regret it, because she knew I had stopped smoking. I told her I would but I needed the cannabis energy to balance or eliminate the salvia's. After one large hit, I began to relax and cheer up but still felt very different.
I think it is important to know that I have never been unable to distinguish a drug induced feeling from reality, until I used Salvia. Being completely out of control is strange because while it was happening, I didn't know that it wasn't real and I felt as if I was in control, and taking action on my own will. It is vital to have complete respect for this plant and especially its extracts, and know that it will be in control of your thoughts while you are on it. I'm not sure if I will use SD again, because the combination of nonsensical surroundings and lack of control terrified and humbled me.
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