Citation: Blotterfall. "From Hell to Heaven: An Experience with 4-Aco-DMT & Cigarettes (exp102083)". Erowid.org. Sep 1, 2014. erowid.org/exp/102083
This is a trip report of my first really difficult experience with a psychedelic substance, namely 4-Aco-DMT. I have had 'bad' trips on other substances, namely LSD, but never a truly mind-wrenching experience. I have done 4-Aco-DMT numerous times (I believe 5 times with various methods of administration) before this experience, and the overall gentle nature of the substance led me to believe I would be able to handle a mistake like this; I found that I was frighteningly wrong.
Before I begin, I want to give a little introduction. I am an experienced user of psychedelics and dissociatives, with extensive use of DXM, LSD, and Marijuana in particular. I am also an occasional cigarette smoker. I have tripped LSD at least 15-20 times, and DXM around the same amount. I used to be quite a habitual pot smoker, and at some points I partook in daily usage. As of late, my parents have been quite on my case about my drug use, and prior to this experience I had not smoked any weed in almost 2 months.
The day began early with me and two of my friends, D and W meeting up at a local chill-spot. It was winter and we were all bundled up in warm clothes. We decided prior to dosing we would go to a small convenience store nearby and grab some Black 'n' Milds for D, a pack of cigarettes for me, and some OJ and snacks. After we returned to the car, we decided it was time to dose up. I took out the baggy of 4-Aco-DMT and W got out his scale. This is where the first mistake happened.
W's scale has a reputation for being somewhat inaccurate, which has led to a few instances of dosing more than was intended (particularly MXE). Today, however, we were feeling confident and ready to learn some lessons from our relaxed teacher. Our mindset was great; we had been planning this all week and were all bundled up in our winter clothes ready to go exploring in some nearby woods after dosing.
At approximately 2:35 PM, I took out the plastic cups and bottle of cranberry juice I had bought and measured out the doses. 32 mg of 4-Aco-DMT Fumarate (roughly equivalent to 25 mg of the freebase) for me and 20 mg for both D and W. As I measured out my dose, I noticed the scale was acting funny. It would go from 30 to 26 to 28 to 32, so I was somewhat unsure. W pointed out that what I had measured out looked far more than the 30 mg we had both taken last time, but stupidly enough, I ignored him due to him being stoned. D had only tripped once before, but W is just as experienced as I am. After measuring out our respective doses and adding them to the cranberry juice shots, we downed them and turned on some music to wait for the trip to come on. Right off the bat, I noticed something was different; where-as it usually tok 15-20 minutes for me to feel the first effects of oral dosing, I immediately felt the effects of the dose almost right after I downed the juice. Soon after (maybe 5 min), I decided to get out of the car for some fresh air. When I got out, I found that the bushes next to the car were swaying in all directions and breathing quite wildly, upon which I realized that I was about to be balls deep in some serious shit.
I got back in the car and told D and W what was happening and found the patterns on the seat of D's car were transforming and moving at an alarming pace. Soon the nausea hit much harder than it ever had before. Usually, I get almost no nausea from 4-Aco-DMT, but this time it felt almost as strong as my first few DXM experiences. I felt uncomfortable but decided to drink some OJ thinking that it might help. D and W were still feeling mostly sober, so I was beginning to get worried. Only 10 minutes had passed since we dosed, and I was already getting some incredible CEVs. The water and snow running down the fogged up windows of the car were running backwards up the windows, which intrigued me.
At around 2:55, shit really hit the fan for me. The same audial hallucinations I usually get on 4-Aco-DMT rolled around, but this time much louder than they ever had been. I had to strain to hear either D or W talk, and asked them to turn down the music, thinking it might help. My head was spinning and I couldn't tell up from down. W soon got a call from someone and announced he was leaving; I asked him to stay until our designated trip sitter arrived, but he was insistent on leaving me with D. I assume this was because he was slightly uncomfortable with tripping with D, as D has the tendency to get quite rowdy on a lot of substances, and we both had no idea how psychedelics would affect him.
Within minutes of W leaving, I once again realized how badly I had messed up the dosage. The CEVs were like nothing I had ever seen before, and I could no longer hear D or the music. The noise of the snow falling on the car was amplified tenfold and sounded almost like the crackling of pop-rocks, only I could hear it totally reverberating inside my skull. At this point, it was probably around 3:00, but it had felt as if hours had passed. I was leaning against the door of D's car curled up in the fetal position, trying to make sense of what was happening. I knew I was not going to die, but I was utterly terrified as I was tripping harder than I ever had before (even more so than on 4 hits of strong LSD). I contemplated whether or not this would be the time that I have to call my parents and tell them what had happened and that I need to go to the hospital, but couldn't use my phone because if I opened my eyes, I was immediately overwhelmed by sensory stimuli. The snow and water was running up the windows at a record pace, the various dials and objects in the dashboard were becoming faces and trying to speak to me, and everything looked like it was made of millions of tiny fractal-esque hexagons. I kept my eyes closed and tried to focus on the beautiful CEVs I was seeing. They were infinitely complex and went infinitely inwards, like one of those Mandelbrot set zooms that seems to keep going on forever. I saw what appeared to be 4 dimensional objects, reminiscent of hypercubes, and they floated around and morphed into different shapes and mixed into the fractals.
I'm not sure what time it was, but I realized that I was going to have to puke soon, which is a feeling I became accustomed to from my DXM days. I do not dislike puking at all; I usually feel better immediately after puking, so I simply accepted it and tried to get out of the car. My legs were not responding, so I simply opened the door, leaned out, and it came gushing out. Luckily, I hadn't eaten prior to dosing, so all that came up was the OJ, Cranberry Juice, and some bile. Upon puking, as usual, I immediately felt the effects lighten up and things started to calm down a bit. I could keep my eyes open finally and not feel utterly overwhelmed. The audio hallucinations faded down a bit and I could finally hear D saying 'Dude, are you ok? How are you feeling?' D continued, saying that he felt incredible and began asking 'Did you see shit? When will I start seeing shit?'
At this point, it was only 3:10, and I felt terrible. My mind was a wreck, and I was stuck thinking about all the problems I have in my life and exaggerating them to immense proportions. Our sitter C had still not arrived, and I pondered the thought of going home and trying to simply rest until it all passed. D began getting on my nerves quite a bit, as he was acting very hyper and yelling, which started to give me a headache. Suddenly, D began screaming and seemed very upset. I looked in the back and saw why: The thermos can of cranberry juice had been leaking as W had not sealed it properly, and it had totally soaked D's coat and a majority of my backpack. D got out of the car and was furious, wildly flailing and yelling 'WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!? NOW MY COAT IS RUINED!'
I told him to calm down and that it will all be ok, we just need to lay the coat out to dry. I also noticed I had spilled some cranberry juice on my lap, hands, and gloves when I took the thermos can out of the back to prevent it from leaking more, which upset me a little bit. I suggested that we should attempt to meet up with C because a change of scenery was very much needed; the car smelled of cranberry juice, and maybe a change of scenery would help me escape the negative mindset I was stuck in. We gathered up our belongings, and just as we were about to head out, C showed up. C is very handsome, and I took him to be my personal savior for the day, as his arrival marked a dramatic change in the nature of my trip.
I had to run home and drop a sled off back at my house, so C and D walked with me. Afterwards, we returned to the car and decided we should go exploring in the woods nearby, nicknamed The Ravine as a small snaking river flows through the very heart of the woods and is surrounded on both sides by slopes and impressive cliffs. C was totally sober and we decided to drive there, which provided me some time to calm down and come back to reality. We put on some nice music and began the drive. As we were driving, something incredible happened. I felt my mind's eye open up for the first time in quite awhile, and everything became amazing. With my eyes closed, I could see everything as if I had my eyes open, albeit somewhat shrouded in a white haze.
When we arrived, it was around 3:30, and we gathered up our belongings and embarked. Almost immediately upon entering the serene and beautiful woods, I was overcome by an immense kinship for C, whom I still believed to be my personal Jesus figure. The woods were blanketed in a fluffy sheet of snow, and everything appeared so pure and untouched by humans. It was utterly silent as we treaded along the snowy paths. I soon felt incredible and very confident, almost like a god. 'This is OUR domain!' I yelled, and D and C laughed. We established a pattern of trekking for a bit, then stopping to appreciate a special spot, to rest a bit, and to light up a cigarette or continue a Black 'n' Mild. Laying down in the snow and looking up at the trees and branches and snow falling down upon me felt beyond orgasmic; I felt pure ecstasy. My CEVs were very calming and interesting, but I preferred to stare at everything with my eyes open. Everything seemed to be surrounded by some sort of strange aura, like infinitely repeating fractal shapes that connected every tree and rock and leaf.
Prior to arrived, we had all turned off our phones in order to truly appreciate nature, so we really had no idea what time it was; this was a very peaceful acceptance of the passage of time, we didn't care about anything except enjoying the beauty of nature. After trekking for what I assumed to be an hour and a half, we reached a giant stone wall covered in graffiti. The graffiti was fun to look at, the different layers of graffiti seemed to phase in and out of each other and were forming different shapes and patterns. After spending a considerable amount of time there and each taking a short piss break, we continued on. Soon we reached the real treasure of the ravine, the so called 'gorge' area. On one side of the river (the one we were on), there were astounding cliffs which inspired our minds to create some fantastic CEVs. On the other, the slope had eroded and many trees had fallen and were in a state of decay. The river was like a beautiful dividing line, black as an endless void amongst the pristine purity of the beautiful white snow. Our conversations were very open and deep, ranging from thoughts on society, to reflecting on the many different symbols and metaphors the forest presents.
Finally, we had reached the end of the ravine, but our trip was not over yet. C had something to show us he said, as he led us across the street into a different woodsy area. C had recently ordered some high quality diffraction glasses, and now it was late and the streetlights were on. He gave us each a pair, and we gazed at the many sources of light around us; cars, streetlights, and even the moon when the cloudy sky gave us a chance. After another 10 minutes, We finally reached our destination. It was a small but incredibly well made teepee made of branches and sticks. Each of us took turns curling up inside of it as we smoked and rested and chatted. Soon, we decided it was time to start heading back, as we still had a long walk ahead of us and it was getting quite dark.
On the walk back, we decided to walk along the street which runs parallel to the ravine. It was an interesting display of contrast between civilization and wilderness, and our diffraction glasses provided for an amazing light shown whenever we saw streetlights or cars passed by. After a much shorter walk than we had done in the ravine, we reached the car.
By now it was around 6:30 or so, and we decided to drive back to the chill spot and simply hang out and listen to music. We spent the next 45 minutes there, talking and grooving out. At 7:15 I had to return home in preparation for a party my father was having, but I was almost entirely sober at that point.
All in all, it was an amazing experience; although it started quite rough, I persevered and that ultimately led to me having one of the best experiences in quite some time. I had visited hell and then flown to heaven in the matter of 30 minutes, but in hindsight, the 'hell' I visited wasn't that bad, I was simply vastly unprepared for it. I don't know if I would ever repeat that dosage, but definitely not without intense preparation. If there was a moral to this story, it would be as follows: dosage is the different between hell and heaven, so make sure you have accurate equipment. I would never advise anyone to every try to eyeball the dosage for substances, no matter how confident they are.
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