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Goddess Visions Death Rebirth
DMT
by WhiteMoon
Citation:   WhiteMoon. "Goddess Visions Death Rebirth: An Experience with DMT (exp102100)". Erowid.org. Mar 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102100

 
DOSE:
3 hits smoked DMT

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


The day started off at the beach. This area attracts a lot of hippies, and the community gathers at this beautiful, wild beach once a week for a drum circle and party. A couple of my friends and I went off to a quieter spot to smoke DMT, as someone had just extracted a large batch of it.

I meditated for a moment on the substance to find calm and give it respect. I took a hit, but we were using a regular cannabis bowl that several people had already smoked DMT out of, so I didn't get a very good one and ended up with messy resin all over my lips. As I exhaled, I felt a prickling sensation spread down my neck and across my shoulders, almost like small, buzzy, electric points of pain, and a vague awareness that my 'wings' were trying to unfurl. The ocean became even more surreally beautiful and I felt very connected to its rhythms (my redneck friend expressed this as 'it's just a huge fuckin bathtub all sloshing around...' while he giggled in wonder). I felt as though I had brushed against the powerful energy of DMT, maybe said hello, but that I had a lot more to learn.

After I had come down, my partner told me that we had been invited to go meet this guy E, who was a sort of shaman, at his house. They told me he had built a badass treehouse in his backyard, so I was in. I felt immediately at ease with E, as he radiates a calm, playful wisdom. He grows and extracts his own psychedelics, and his whole property is set up to be a good trip setting. We were trying to find an appropriate pipe to smoke the DMT out of, but he didn't have a great one so we rolled some into a joint. I took maybe two tokes. I felt the same sensation spread across my shoulders and down my spine. I looked at E, and saw very clearly the strength of his chakras and the rainbow energy of his aura. I knew I was looking at a close soul-brother, as though we had known each other through many lifetimes, and also at an energetic archetype of humanity. My vision cleared very quickly, and I realized that my boyfriend was talking very loudly and somewhat abrasively about something banal. This irritated me for a second, and then instinct told me to simply flow. My feet carried me out onto a balcony with steps that felt like dance- my body felt very light and limber and lovely- and communed for a few moments with the wind in the trees. I reflected on wind and air, until I felt the breeze calling me back inside. I looked at my boyfriend and told him happily 'I've done this before!' which delighted him, and he responded, 'yes, when you were born!' I kept walking out the front door, and reveled in the grass under my feet. I had been wearing a few string bracelets and anklets to symbolize different things, and felt wisdom flow into me on those subjects, followed by a release and the message to remove them and let them go. I did, and left them on the ground as a sort of offering. I walked into the woods, and my partner came bounding up behind me with an exuberant 'Let's play!' We spent the next half hour or so monkeying around on the treehouse with great delight.

Later that night, we went to an ecovillage/commune where I was living on and off. There were maybe 10 or 15 people gathered, and I knew I was totally safe and free to get as weird as I needed to while I was tripping.
I knew I was totally safe and free to get as weird as I needed to while I was tripping.
Someone had a special DMT pipe with a charcoal filter, and as I was still interested in properly crossing the threshold, I decided to give it one more go. I took one huge hit and after a moment of the shoulder tingling, I blasted off. I felt huge currents of energy flowing through me in a roaring sensation and saw rapidly flashing shifting concentric patterns of color (I've found there is really no way to describe DMT visuals if you've never experienced them, they are intense beyond color). I was wholly immersed in the experience at this point with no awareness of my physical body or its reality. In the center of the patterns was an infected wound. (I had recently been involved in the care of a friend who had gone too way far with ayahuasca and peyote and was stuck in a very bad state. He had developed horrible staph infections on his legs, which I was helping bathe and bandage, and I was also on antibiotics for a more minor staph infection but hadn't been very good about taking them on time.) Friends later told me that at this point, I was screaming 'MY NAME IS ____! I NEED TO TAKE MY MEDICINE!' over and over. This part of the trip was all about confronting fear and death, including a fear of psychedelics that derived in part from watching my friend suffer, and I realized that the only way through was to 'lean in' and accept the wound, accept the fear, accept death.

The roaring energy and flashing patterns intensified into a sort of tunnel as I accepted them, and I finally crossed through the portal of the wound. The other side was an explosion of color, light, and patterns beyond belief. The first thing I saw was an image that I later identified as Shiva, or perhaps Kali, a many-handed dancing figure of energy with a predominantly blue aura turning its head to acknowledge me, bathed in patterns. There was a clicky, precise, almost digital character to its movement. It seemed to be congratulating me for crossing through the wound. A moment later, I was careening through a series of moments from my life, starting in early childhood and focusing especially around puberty, when I was in communion with the Earth and the Source. I grew up in New England and had a habit of wandering the woods alone, especially on moonlit or starry nights. I saw those times again from a third-eye perspective and realized that I had been training, charging up, absorbing energy in a way that was especially powerful because it was so innocent and unselfconscious. My higher spirit goddess-self had been practicing working through me all my life, and now I had made the conscious decision to wake her up by smoking DMT. She showed me, too, the brief forays I had made into spiritual leadership preaching to Unitarian Universalist congregations as a teenager, with the message that the energy of those gatherings had been important and that I have much more to learn by teaching in this lifetime.

The journey through my past ended with a black and purple image of a strange, crooked church, its spire pointing toward a white full moon. This whole time, I had been yelling 'MY NAME IS ____!' over and over without realizing it- I have a very old Welsh name, and I was finding some kind of significance in its meaning. I was also yelling about the woods, and a friend offered to run off into the trees with me if I wanted to, which I did. I was intent on being nude in the woods with the Goddess (we were in a clothing-optional community, so this was totally fine). I began to come back into my body halfway through the process of tearing all my clothes off, and I managed to tangle myself up in my shirt pretty thoroughly. I was still yelling things at this point, so my friend and my boyfriend knew what I wanted to do and were trying to help me get out of my clothes. They had tripped a few minutes before me and were still sort of trippy, and as I came down that briefly frightened me. I started yelling for a sober sitter to help me re-orient myself, which they found pretty funny- I was literally screaming 'WHO ISN'T TRIPPING??? I NEED SOMEONE WHO ISN'T TRIPPING!!' into the jungle.

The momentary panic subsided and I began to laugh at myself. I rejoined the group, where someone was playing my clarinet, and began talking to everyone about my trip. My voice felt extremely powerful and resonant, and my words became part of the music as I spoke about the spiritual messages I had just received. The 'I've done this before' feeling was very strong again, and I had a cool conversation with my partner about it. After a few minutes, someone came in to tell us about a hurricane that was supposed to hit the next day- which seemed very significant, and sort of thrilling (it wasn't really supposed to do any damage). I danced for some time, still feeling trippy and absolutely wonderful, before slowly settling back down to enjoy the rest of the evening with friends.


The experience was awesome, powerful, empowering, terrifying, and extremely deep. I was in the right place and the right time in my life for it. DMT is a wonderful compound, and through the whole trip I felt aware that this was something my body already contains. While I was very safe and OK the whole time, and knew it on some level, I was also very close to freakout territory. In a less psychedelic-friendly setting, screaming and tearing my clothes off could have caused a real problem. I felt as though the trip had been a sort of ordeal, a test of my strength designed to make me stronger, and that I had ultimately passed.
DMT is not really a party drug, nor should it be taken casually or frequently. It is a powerful teacher, and like all powerful teachers it will punish you if you do not respect it. But if you do, the realm it shows you is beautiful beyond imagine.

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 102100
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Mar 16, 2018Views: 767
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DMT (18) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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