DOSE:

1 hit

smoked

DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

250 lb

A little background on myself:

Although I have a very conservative Christian background, I abandoned religion in all its forms about ten years ago, choosing to live free of confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance by fully examining every belief and every claim I was presented with, and not forming beliefs until I felt there was sufficient reason for it. Since I was still involved with religion, however, I began expanding my mind mainly using LSD and mushrooms (I have tripped on LSD something like 20 times and on mushrooms about the same).

Mushrooms stopped being enjoyable for me, most likely due to the fact that I descended into a very sedentery lifestyle, ate awful food, got fat, and started smoking cigarettes. They also reminded me that this lifestyle is horrific and disturbing in a very visceral way, and prompted me to change my lifestyle - that's another story, but I bring this up to say that one of the things I was worried about with DMT was that it would treat me the same way - the imagined mutilation and self-devouring themes of my last mushroom trip were NOT something I was interested in repeating or amplifying in any way.

This is all fairly pertinent background information. Now onto the trip:

I had heard many things about DMT and watched many videos on the topic as well as 'The Spirit Molecule' documentary. Finally I was introduced to a person who is in the know, who is not an amateur, who came to represent to me the very essence of professional chemistry competence - think a humble, very smart, visibly dangerous, but down to earth and kind shaman version of 'Heisenberg.' Heisenberg the Shaman. This guy had the best of the best, and I came to trust him implicitly. So when he said he had the best DMT possible, I was ready to make the trip - several hours from where I live. I took with me my friend, who is a recovering alcoholic and was in the middle of one solid year with no drug use whatsoever. This, however, was different; this was not a 'drug experience' but a portal into the realization of Truth Itself - perhaps that was just the justification we used, but I at least believed that.

There was a designated 'blast-off chair' that we took turns sitting in. It was me, my friend (A), this 'Shaman' guy (B), the guy who owned the space we were in (C), and several other folks who did not care to join in. We sat in a circle, talking, with the music on. 'C' urged us all to wear a blindfold and keep our eyes closed, as this would amplify the intensity of the visuals. Ideally, he said, music would be off and people wouldn't be talking - it should be done in the dark and in silence. It wasn't ideal by his standards, but he was sure we would be fine as we were seasoned trippers.

We were using a large vaporizer pipe with a 'blowtorch' lighter. All was prepared expertly by B, who held and lit the pipe for us. 'A' went first, taking a large rip and holding it in as long as possible. His eyes remained wide for a few moments, and then seemed to close involuntarily. We all watched as he settled into the chair and remained there as if in a trance, motionless. We all chatted amiably about this and that until about fifteen minutes later, when we noticed he was laughing out loud, his eyes still closed. He chuckled to himself for a while, then it tapered off into another minute of silence. He opened his eyes and just said, 'Man.'

My turn came and I was visibly nervous. I am very interested in truth, as I said before; this must be what it feels like to live your whole life wanting to meet a celebrity, at the moment you open your mouth to say 'hi' to them. My mouth was dry. I needed water. No water, he said. Not until after. I asked for the blindfold, put it on.

They warned me the taste was awful but I should hold it in. One hit the first time. I inhaled as big as I could and held it. The taste was bad, but not as god-awful as they suggested. 'Oh,' that's a big one, jeez,' I heard somebody say - just as a feeling of welling up started taking me over. I had no choice but to close my eyes. The feeling growing inside me was extreme, more extreme, and then beyond extreme - ultimate. There was no word for the strangeness and foreign-ness of this feeling. With mushrooms I often got the distinct sense that I was experiencing something tribal, and old, and wise - sort of like a heavy dose of concentrated Native American spirituality. With this, though, it felt more like a heavy dose of concentrated Aztec/Mayan spirituality, infused with something much much older than earth itself, and something beyond its boundaries. I saw shimmering in front of me what looked like a symbol from Sacred Geometry - it looked like an eyeball with bent lines radiating out from it - perhaps, I thought, it's a sibyl or the symbol of the most secret of all temples. That's what it SEEMED to represent, but for sure it felt significant. This was beyond foreign - it was cosmic. It was too delectable, too spicy, too dangerous, too real. It was 'something else,' in the truest sense of the word. Not with twenty hits of acid could you get to this place. Perhaps with several ounces of mushrooms. And it was still growing.

This was all within the first five seconds. I didn't have much time to contemplate that because I felt that feeling growing, growing, growing - and my mind turned inside out. I was as huge as I was tiny - someone took my 'inner eye' and turned it backwards, to face inside rather than outside, and shot it through a portal in my brain into another dimension. It was like being sucked into a black hole that existed inside yet a million miles away from the back of my head. The feeling was beyond strange or foreign or tribal - it was sacred and holy and immense in a way that is impossible to even comprehend.

As I was being shot into this other dimension, a brilliant wave of orange cascaded along my right side and I got the distinct feeling that I was whizzing along its surface, flying. 'I'm here,' I thought. I tried to focus my mind on a particular concern I have in my life, but it was sort of like trying to go sideways in a roller coaster - my brain was not in charge of this experience. There was no use trying to direct my thoughts.

The feeling of flying continued as I realized I was past the wall of orange to my right - which was a Klein-Bottle-Esque situation in which I was both inside and outside it - and now looking 'down' upon what can only be described as a mighty civilization in four dimensions rather than three. But this was too amazing to not focus on - I realized I understood what four-dimensionality was, but couldn't tell if I was seeing in four dimensions, or if it was a 3D representation of 4-D reality ; and, I couldn't tell the difference. The point, though, is that I understood; I tried to take note of the understanding so that I could bring this back with me, tell everyone I can explain four-dimensionality. Again - nope. 'Stop,' something or someone said. 'This cannot be translated.'

In this civilization - the city - there was a garden of sorts which was created on the concept of Fiveness. I can't explain what I mean by that, and I also have very fuzzy memories of this place. I think they were trying to take me past four dimensions and show me that there is a fifth, as well. This place was exotic beyond belief, mind-bending, futuristic, and absolutely the most beautiful place you cannot imagine.

A control room was next, with what can only be described as 'machinery' - although it does not resemble any machinery you can imagine. It's as if I was seeing the inside of a control room made of pure Idea, and there were thoughtforms - beings - that used these Idea machines to generate reality. This is how reality is generated, I thought - they are programming it all into existence! But I wasn't 'inside' the machine - I was within and without. Neither I nor the machine could exist independently of each other. I and the machine were inside each other in one sense. It was the damndest thing.

The Beings that worked this machine were QUITE independent of me, however. I was only experiencing the machine as being inside of me. These beings were austere and quite unfathomably above me in every way. To say that these beings existed in synergy with my mind, the same way that the machine did, would have been absurd to think. It was as if I was an ant, temporarily infused with the ability to understand the Matrix; and these beings were simply there to operate the machinery and couldn't care less that there was another primitive visitor gaping at their technology.

I also got the feeling that these beings were made out of possibility rather than certainty, as we are. They could build whatever they wanted, and change it at a whim. Nothing solid, all just states of 'maybe.' I also got the idea that this was why they created a three-dimensional space with rules - to find temporary reprieve from their abstract existence of Idea and Possibility and inhabit a space in which one cannot change too much. It seemed like that would be a relief for some reason, after spending so much time getting whatever you wanted. I felt that they 'inject' themselves into human brains, that our brains are like the leaves and branches of a tree and the roots are deep in the DMT dimension - that our brains are almost virtual reality helmets for DMT beings, and their DMT consciousness is our true identity. Or not - it was very confusing and it's difficult to express these things. But whatever the truth is, I knew viscerally that consciousness and DMT are intrinsically linked.

Anyway, what happened next is hazy but it was very full of significance, surprising, and 'squiggly.' I don't quite remember it, but here's what came next:

I was speaking to a female - I don't know how I knew it to be female but it 'just was' - and she was transparent and two-dimensional, like a sheet of paper. I could see her insides, which were whirling and interlocking shapes of the impossible variety. Inside her head a triangle and square kept whirring and clicking, interlocking. I looked closer to see what I could see; there had to be a reason I was being shown this. She seemed to change her mind about showing me this, and instead told me to focus on her arm - it would be simpler to demonstrate how things work that way. She bent her arm back and forth at the elbow, patiently showing me how motion worked in four dimensions. I didn't 'get it.' The vision faded.

I was then on a mountain, a mountain in the middle of a black room. LSD-like ribbons of neon color dotted the black sky, but the mountain stood in front of me, stretching upwards like a parabola. I seem to remember the pathway up the mountain was more or less delineated clearly, in a straight line of light - sort of Tron-esque. I continued to look higher up this mountain and at the top I saw the Buddha, sitting serenely in the midst of this wildness. I was thunderstruck. 'Here?' I asked. 'THIS is where you were going? THIS is what you were trying to say?' I couldn't believe it. I had always thought what the Buddha was after was more simple than earth, not infinitely more complex. This was more like an astral plane than the Nirvana that Buddha was talking about, and way too inconceivable for even him to have thought up without the use of DMT. It was just strange to see him in that spot - it felt vaguely like it would feel to get out of the shower and run into Oprah Winfrey.

I started to move upwards toward his spot on the mountain. 'Don't climb,' he said. 'You'll get here.' As he said it, his face rotated/imploded/turned in that bizarre fourth-dimensional way and turned into the face of what I implicitly understood to be 'God.' It was a being so foreign, so unimaginable, so unapproachable. It was not particularly Judeo-Christian, or Muslim, or Hindu, or really anything. Just the archetype of Being itself. It acknowledged me wordlessly and without nodding. It simply saw me, and I saw it. No judgment, no passion of any sort.

At that point I noticed that the gulf between me and the top of the mountain was growing. I seemed to be sliding backwards. This dismayed me; I wanted to know more, but it was starting to be time for me to leave. I slid further and faster backwards until I felt as if I were falling; but two beings caught my arms and carried me down gently. They were angelic, but I could not see them. I started realizing I was leaving this dimension. Things I understood and realized and remembered crystal clear started disappearing. It was like the deterioration at the end of Flowers for Algernon - losing this faculty here, this one there; this understanding now hidden behind my inability to explain it. They kept blinking off, popping and disappearing like so many bubbles. I started laughing at this point.

'I've got to go ALL the way back down THERE?' I asked. I thought my entire consciousness was changed forever, but it was not to be. 'Yes,' they laughed, a little bit sadly.

'That's a long way,' I observed, still chuckling and shaking my head. 'I can't go ALL the way back down, can I?'

'You have to,' they said. 'But don't worry. You'll be back.'

I opened my eyes and removed the blindfold. The room was bright and my friends were there looking at me expectantly. I had no words until now.

_______

Afterglow thoughts:

- I don't know if this came to me during the experience or if it came afterward, but it is a conclusion I made. I seem to remember being told this, but this may have come from LSD: 'Reality is not an object that you might grasp it. Therefore, don't try to grasp reality; it's far too big to hold.'

- It is truly incredible, in the truest sense of the word, that anything exists at all. There is no logic in our existence - based on what we know about the universe, existence should be impossible. I already knew this, but the realization this time was visceral. I had to ACT like it. A sense of wonder filled me up that day and it has never quite left.

-More banal but perhaps more useful, I finally found a way to put into words at least a metaphor for what I understood about four-dimensionality while on DMT:
Picture a two-dimensional being, perhaps as if it's on the surface of a still pool. I can see their insides; I can even touch their insides without breaking their skin. This makes no sense to them. But what they could understand, at least abstractly, is that I can go both INTO and OUT OF their dimension in ONE MOTION. If I poke my finger through the surface of the water, I'm going in AND out at the same time - at least as far as they're concerned.


ANYWAY, that was my experience. It was powerful, enlightening, terrifying, amazing, and above all TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 102105
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 14, 2021	Views: 8,238
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DMT (18) : First Times (2), Entities / Beings (37), Small Group (2-9) (17)