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Heavy Nothingness
by Lou
Citation:   Lou. "Heavy Nothingness: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp102202)". Mar 11, 2019.

  repeated insufflated Methoxetamine (powder / crystals)
    repeated oral Alcohol (liquid)
BODY WEIGHT: 12.5 st
Taking MXE

've taken MXE on three occasions in my life, with each occasion lasting around a week or so on a binge, during which Iíll acquire a gram or two and end up taking re-dosing every day to keep myself at a nice level of Ďjust above sobrietyí, of course the initial dose is much higher. Iím not entirely sure why I do this, possibly because I canít help myself. I know when Iím doing something too much, and possibly if I had better access to this drug Iíd be doing it all the time. It seems a lot of people have become dependent on it to some extent.

[Erowid Note: Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts. See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
I will tell you about the most recent binge on MXE upon which I bought two grams. I had a reasonable sized line after purchasing it (around the size of a small ket line) but then refrained from touching it for the next hours after that as the one line was quite sufficient for that time. Itís difficult to describe how I felt, it was rather similar to being very drunk, both in my ability to walk in a straight line and in what I was saying to others, but I also felt very coherent and awake, almost like youíd expect alcohol and speed to feel if they didnít cancel each other out. I had drank a bit of alcohol on this night also, but I donít think that had much of an impact on my experience as it seemed very similar to past experiences.

Now later on in the night when I returned home was when I got to experience what I love so much about this drug. I sniffed quite a few more lines upon returning home, maybe 5 or 6, this time slightly smaller than the first one, more like the size of a line of very high quality cocaine, maybe 30mgs. Something I love about MXE is that it accumulates as I take more, and while this is a horrible negative effect if one is unaware of this affect it does enable me to get higher without burning through my supplies as quickly.

I was sitting around getting more and more disassociated until I eventually decided to go to bed, which is where the fun starts. I played an album of some nice chilled music and put my face to the pillow, allowing the MXE to take me away to another land. The feeling of pure disassociation kicks in, to the point where I am no longer lying in my bed, but floating. Itís not a light wispy feeling of nothingness, more a heavy feeling. You know that scene in Trainspotting where he overdoses and slowly the carpet begins to fall deeper and deeper below the floor, itís a little like that, but the drug can push me into new directions. It feels as though Iím lying in a nest of cotton wool completely surrounding me with equal pressure on all sides, rather than having gravity pull me in one particular direction. Then I will begin to move as I relax deeper, and suddenly Iím being gently pushed in a particular direction, and then another, then rotated maybe 75 degrees in any direction and pushed in another. Throughout my journey I am being taken into far away worlds of indescribable beauty, sometimes horror. There are entire worlds and planets Iím being taken to, hundreds of them throughout the experience which may be an hour or two while I remain conscious. Everything had its own texture and life about it, often worlds were based on places Iíd been in real life or seen, often they were dream worlds, but far, far more vivid. I imagine having a lucid dream would be like this.

This is not all however; this substance has shown me many more things than just fantasy dreamscapes. On my first experience taking MXE, I had an insight into a higher power; something that I later discovered is not unheard of when taking dissociative. I cannot explain exactly what I saw or felt, as I donít really know myself and can also no longer remember, and it wasnít enough to make me wake up the next day with an absolute belief of spirituality, but it opened my mind to a possibility that I cannot deny and wonít rule out.

Upon later experimenting with this substance I began to decide that this was likely just the drugs making me believe, and while I remain agnostic I donít think this drug will show you any reliable evidence of god, no matter how much you take. Thatís not to say it isnít spiritual however, I have learnt a lot about myself from taking MXE, especially on my most recent trip which I mentioned above. While I was exploring the realms of the unknown half holed in my bed I had a long think about what I wanted and didnít want, about morality and about love. I found often I could see the paths between heaven and hell, and my trip would change accordingly depending on which one I took. This is very difficult to explain, but if I were to think about my actions and how I felt about them, if I felt that I had done a good thing I would be shown a path of beauty and love Ė heaven, but if I was to think of the times I had Ďsinnedí, putting myself before others etc. I would be taken into hell, or towards it, until I began to repent at which point I would be pushed back up into heaven. During this entire time the feeling of being pushed while in a nest of cotton wool was present, and the direction would change depending on my actions.

Following taking MXE I generally feel much better. I have suffered from depression for a while, but always found Ketamine and MXE to be very effective in treating this. MXE is significantly better I think for treating this. I often found I would wake up feeling great the next few days after, and motivated to get whatever I needed doing done. Though that said I am not to be trusted with large quantities of it as it will all be up my nose within a few days. All in all I found MXE to be quite useful in understanding myself, as well as showing me far away worlds, itís certainly the most comfortable drug Iíve ever been on times. Itís important to remember though that many people have had horrible experiences on this drug, and while Iíve only had positive ones, be careful with it, as it sounds as though it could be very scary, in ways worse than other psychedelics.

Have fun!

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 102202
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Mar 11, 2019Views: 1,288
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Methoxetamine (527) : General (1), Retrospective / Summary (11), Mystical Experiences (9), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Unknown Context (20)

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