Citation: IntenseCycle. "Answer to All Questions: An Experience with AL-LAD & GBL (exp102268)". Erowid.org. Jan 12, 2014. erowid.org/exp/102268
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Please note, this is very long (but hopefully interesting) report. The most important part is starts at T +02:00, if you short in time, skip to that.
Title: Answer to all questions
Substance: AL-LAD 150 ug each blotter
Dosage: 10 blotters of 150 ug each
Personal data: Male, 93kg, 178 cm, 29 years old, athletic, exercise daily, emotionally unstable, likely have some degree of BPL, ADHD, GAD and back pains
Medications and addictions: usage of GBL and melatonin often
Set & Setting: Evening/night on a crowdy electronic/psy festival
I have previous experiences with many many substances, mostly psychedelics.
Substance appearance: blotter with 'AL-LAD' letters on it
Closest previous use: 46 mg of 2C-E day before
Addiction potential: medium
Main effects: crazy CEVs/OEVs, energetic body high, huge associations stream, insane euphoria and awe
Side effects: confusion, inability to go piss due to confusion, thought loops
After effects: Inspiration and desire to live
Shulgin scale: ****
I went to the large psy festival. At day one, I had 46 mg of 2c-e, nothing spectacular, though, because of my insanely low sensitivity to psychs. Note, all of my friends who took 2c-e this day tripped really hard with just 20mg, most of them unable to move much, and their all field of view covered with visuals.
I only mention this so you can imagine how weakly all substances affect me. So, next day my plan was to take LSD with my friends, 200ug blotters acquired from now defunct vendor. I knew I need at least 3 and I found I don't have this, otherwise not all of my friends will be able to take it. So, being adventurous and sometimes considerate fellow, I decided to go with AL-LAD this time.
My mindset at a time was pretty 'live in the now', I did not care much about future due some of life circumstances, anxiety and BPL-like symptoms I experienced during last year or so. I also got a lot of knowledge of new age/mindfulness/psychology during that time and started to observe my mind in more detailed fashion. All of the above is important to understand my trip with AL-LAD. So, it started around midnight: I took 4 blotters with 'AL-LAD' letters on them buccally (my preferred method of administration now).
My friend Koyote (see other reports), wise and calm man, took 2/3 of 200 mcg LSD and other friend, kind and compassionate Grizzly took 200mcg. Many other festival visitors I spoke to took 25i, popular this year.
So, after an hour or so we moved to techno scene with Grizzly and Coyote. First 4 blotters started to fire: everything become familiarly 'interesting' and 'curious', similar to LSD (I never used AL-LAD before). For some reason, it set me in the reckless mindset and I ate remaining 6 blotters. Do not do this in such setting, people, it was dumb and dangerous, and probably left me with some complex PTSD-like issues.
So, next to our story. We've seen person using jumping catapult (when you hang on the ropes at the high altitude), and Coyote said: 'It looks like you can't understand if person controls the ropes or ropes control the person'. I responded that man there looks like puppet, and this makes me sad. Techno music was pretty boring, I tried to dance a little, but it was not very fun.
So I suggested we go to the remote beach instead, where there are no lights and music, just to compare the experiences. This is no secret that psychedelics pronounce everything, in many ways they are like life compressed in short time so it makes sense to change things during trip often, so feel different things better. During our walk, we enjoyed looking at moths flying to the light and fish supposedly in the lake (but I was already not able to understand, is it fish or just some visuals on water I perceive as such). On the remote coast trees started to swirl slightly: funny looking, not menacing like swirling of trees under 2c-e. On the way back I already started to look down on the road, because visuals there were also good. I rarely see them due to my low sensitivity, so you can tell I was excited.
When we arrived at the psy scene, my remaining 6 blotters started to fire. I got lost from Coyote and Grizzly, and there it
started, probably the most powerful psychedelic experience of my life.
First, sky (already dark, because it is night) started to pulse with enormous bulging (slightly 3d) web of absolutely unreal acid colors, changing colors ten times every second. I felt very pleasurable electric impulses over all my body and skin, 'energy flowing', especially on my palms and hands. I felt how air is flowing, each small movement, it's moisture and temperature, and just was walking without any thoughts, just enjoying existing, enjoying being to the extreme. I did not care a little bit, who looked at me and what is happening around me. I was feeling like I am standing in the center of atomic explosion, and I was source of that explosion. Unbelievable ecstasy of my mind and body, furious delight of all my being caused by how interesting, inspiring, beautiful and amazing everything around me is. Like a kaleidoscope of colored glasses sparkling: red, green, violet and others. When I got to the path to my tent, everything looked like impressionist painting, Renoir or Monet, but with difference that it was drawn not with dots, but with honeycombs. I tried to get to chillout, but I was already not able to understand where I am, so I got to the tent area instead.
At this moment I understood I am alone, I got lost from everyone, esp. Coyote and Grizzly. But I felt it should be like this, it is
the way to experience the festival: do something risky, stupid and reckless, feel like you touching the edge. I felt like a living legend, able to take and survive 1500 mcg. This was big cause for self-loathing later: I am kind of man who values good deeds, something valuable to yourself and others, and here I enjoyed feelings of just taking a lot of drugs; everyone can do that. But at that moment I was not able to help it to the slightest; I felt like wizard burning in the eternal flame (like in Planescape: Torment game).
Then, all my field of vision become covered with visuals, I was not able understand where I am, and what is around me, barely could [know] who I am. Every person I saw become silhouette of hundred people that were moving to me or from me. I had no way to tell how many people I actually saw. I wanted to find my tent, but was not able to ask for help, because [they] did not know, if I know these people, can they be trusted, and are they standing close to me or not. Sometimes I felt like these people are asking me something, and I say to you: it's no fun feeling thousand[s of] people going to you demanding or asking something. When there were no people, I started to look at the trees: they turned into quotation marks, and also wanted something from me, like asking 'who are you? what do you want?' This reminded me of Babylon 5 series a little, and it was pretty ironic, because I long ago given up on such metaphysics.
When I tried to speak, I heard a lot of echo in my head: this calmed me down somewhat, because it was funny and understandable. I found I need to pee, but was not able to understand, where I can do this, and if this is publicly permissible. Will such behavior ruin my reputation or not?
Also, I wanted to go swimming a lot: I think this was me trying to make trip easier subconsciously, because it was really getting too much. Luckily, I did not succeed: without [the ability] to see, and even find my tent, I would inevitably drown (although I swim like a fish and can hold on water for many hours).
So, I spent my time in the dark, and then found Lively and Madcap. Lively is enormously active person, always acting and portraying something, joking non-stop, something like Dean Moriarty from 'On the road' book. I was not able to speak normally, so I tried asking for help in some manner, and told I ate 10 blotters of 'acid'. Lively started to portrait devils and the like, and it was utterly fascinating: I believed him one minute, and next minute by smelling his sweat I understood he is just a man. He transformed to archetype and concept and then back to man. Then, somehow, I got to my tent, where I got into bad part of trip. I tried to put on swimming trunks, but sometimes I was not able to understand if I am naked or not, am I at public or not.
I understood then, why my buddy Swirly was not able to go pee previous year at this festival; why he was wandering around naked. All this caused bad thoughts about reputation, self-perception etc.
Finally, someone arrived. It was my buddy Quick and his girlfriend Artsy. They used torch to shine at me, and I remembered suddenly, that I have soap bubbles in my tent. I started to blow them, gave one bottle to Artsy and used one myself, we really enjoyed this. Later, she told me that I enjoyed it thousand times more than she did; I was like a kid in a candyshop. New age followers will tell here: 'we forgot, how to enjoy simple things, appreciate life, we need to return to Source' or something like that, and psychedelics help us to remember, how that can be. I just say: all this based on evolution, adult 'don't need' to enjoy simple things not critical to survival, it learned soap bubbles are not that useful to him in this aspect, that's why we lost ability to enjoy them. Face of Artsy fell apart to visuals, and then appeared again, often, I was not able to understand that it is her. Everything was fresh, happy and wonderful to me, though.
When I left my tent finally, I was running around the Dome. This is large rain-protecting tent I put on. It had very important value to me. I brought it with me to festival and built it, so when my self-worth was sinking, it helped me a little. I understood I am not totally worthless: I brought the Dome, big kettle to make food, some foodstuff, funny portable radio that had its role on the previous day, soap bubbles.
Next few hours I wondered around this Dome, I found Coyote and Grizzly, and people were coming and going, but I remained. Gradually trip started to slow down, and soon I saw hints of dawn. Started to rain; droplets looked like small sparkling diamonds.
Psychedelics boost existing character traits. I know I am somewhat ADHD and BPL, that is, I tend to continue doing what I'm doing currently [and] it's hard for me to switch activities. AL-LAD intensified this so much I was not able to go pee again, not able to eat (I wanted to, badly) or go swimming. I just wandered around, looping. Thousands of associations and metaphors went through my mind every second. I told everyone I got the world truths right, I understood everything, and I will tell everyone everything later. I wanted to tell these to everyone, to be filmed so revelations would not lost for me in my sober state, but got into mind loops, and when Coyote tried to film me, I just was standing there for a few minutes.
At least, I told, I got trip powerful enough I am satisfied. At least, it is enough even for me. I tried to be not too dramatic and borderline, I tried to be not self-humiliating and not arrogant, but always went to these edges. The same, obviously, I do in real life, but it alternates in hours or days, not in seconds and minutes.
Often I spoke something like: 'People got their goals and interests. Their interests are shared to the extent. Mine and yours, too. We must get together and pursue common goals!'
I actually tried to persuade someone to get me to the WC, because I was not able to distract myself one second and go there by myself. I understood since then, that I am very social and extrovert being, despite the fact that for many years I was enjoying my own company behind the computer and mostly did not speak with people.
What truths did I [find]? Obvious, but still they may be important. That living is good, that doing stuff is good, fulfilling goals is good. I got hundreds of lesser ideas, but only one stuck: metaphor is like JPEG algorithm: lossy compression, you get some data, but the more you compress, the more distorted image becomes. Now I think also that metaphor is key to running predefined scenario and activating preexisting model in your consciousness, it is very powerful way of influencing people. If you get proper models they share, and find metaphors to activate them, their opinion is yours.
I also spoke a lot with different people that were less known to me. One was Joyful, he has a talent of speaking a lot without content. I think overuse of weed and psychs made his mind substanceless i.e. people using psychs sell to the idea of impermanence easily, and all that is left is jokes, sayings and emotions, not much thoughts or logic. I also was influenced by this a great deal in last years. I feel like instead of geeky logical person, I became more spontaneous, emotional and moody. Obviously, being geeky or, on the contrary, being impulsive is not 'bad' or 'good' per se. I must find balance: important things require careful planning and thinking, but I should not miss the opportunity to have some fun, if it will not harm me.
Another person was Actor, who ran into me crazily, shouted 'I think I broke my finger, but that's ok!', then shouted: 'I will fucking have a talk with you later, what it was (relating to his experience with 25i?).' Then he pinned me to the ground, shouting 'You are doing fucked up things, man!' It was not violent, and anyway I was in the happy mindstate, so I had nothing against it.
The most important feeling I got during and after this trip is that it was magnificent, but I must use it to improve myself, otherwise it is all for nothing.
When the morning came, I finally managed to ask Quiet One to walk me to the WC and get me some food. I was blatantly direct and shameless: I asked her if she ever took psychs, did she take anything now, and told her she is known as kind person, so that's why I ask her to help me. I tried to tell her she should make orders to me, because I constantly distracted her from doing what I asked her to do: walk me to WC and some food. She was not able to: obviously, people who are kind, compassionate and calm often have troubles being strict and demanding, even if need arises.
When I returned, I finally went swimming. It was pretty cold, but I walked carelessly under the rain, enjoying the world very much: people around me were in rain coats/warm sweaters, and I was with naked torso, only in swimming trunks.
Visuals still were pretty strong, when I shook the Dome tent roof, thousands droplets of water got into the air, looking fabulous. I tried to speak with people in the Dome, but they all were very tired and in the different mindset.
I spoke with Madcap, very active, determined and spontaneous girl, and she said something like 'Yeah, it is good when your man takes you powerfully' and I continued 'makes you feel you are his bitch and he can take you any time'. We understood each other well in this, but I think people around us was not quite sharing idea of these feelings of domination and submission in a relationship.
In the meantime, I got to my friend Grizzly's tent, where I told him something like: 'everything is clear between us' to which he responded 'it depends of what you are thinking about'. For some reason, it caused me think he is afraid I will try to get sexually intimate with him, so I tried to explain I have no such wish using some vague words. (While I have no objections having intercourse with a man, I never had one, and I am obviously heterosexual, and thinking of having sex with my male friends makes me feeling really weird and uncomfortable).
Coyote decided to leave festival and head home, as it was planned. We decided it is safe enough to drive back now for him now. He told me, that when he arrived, he was not eager to take LSD, because he felt this festival in not right setting for him, he prefers nature etc. He managed to do well, though, because I think he is a man that in any situation can keep confident and be well. He told me, that all these lights and music distracted him from what he always sought from psychedelics: deep and calm introspection.
What he meant is that psychs promote and manifest what already is inside you. What it is for me, you read above, but for him it is something totally different: he is very Zen by nature, so when he takes LSD he usually becomes even more contemplating and deeply embodied in inner peace. Festival environment did not allow that for him.
I took 4+2 ml of GBL to sleep. This was very wrong idea: while I felt like I am sleeping, people later told me I was sleepwalking, swearing, talking, vomiting with water all over my tent, etc.
Please do not repeat my mistake: use benzodiazepines instead. They worked well for many previous times.
Next day I was glowing so powerfully, I had no incentive to take any substances, and did not take any. This afterglow continued for many weeks afterwards. I was still feeling effects of GBL, so I hang around looking at stuff, made a temporary tattoo, and bought souvenir with bicycle pattern carved into wood to remind me of this summer. This was no doubt 10/10 that influenced me for many months following. Was it Shulgin’s ****? After reading my report, you can decide this by yourself, but if this was not it, I can't imagine what is.
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