DOSE:

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I am a 33 year old male, lean guy (~140#), who has smoked pot off and on since a teenager and went through a period of using mushrooms in my mid-twenties at a time of a juncture in my life, but had never tried salvia and had sort of stumbled across information on it when puttering on the internet researching herbs (I am a farmer and herbalist). I should preface this with the context that my mindset was in, my wife had just had a miscarriage of what was to be our second daughter, and it had been particularly traumatic to her and in a silent way, to me as well, and I had felt I didn't really have the 'right' so to speak to be the one who was upset. But inside I had wanted another child for quite a while but my wife had wanted to hold off for what was at that time 5 years, so the loss of the child hit me sort of hard although I didn't really fully let myself grieve I guess. I am usually someone who easily accepts the setbacks in life as part of my spiritual journey and am able to see the hidden wisdom in them, but for probably the first time in my life I find myself sincerely asking WHY. So in the back of my mind I guess I was sort of seeking out a psychedelic experience, as my previous experiences with mushrooms had been rather beneficial in clarifying my 'soul's' vision of its true path. So in short, I ordered some 10x extract, and experimented with it, which I will describe below.

The first time I used it I didn't really know what to expect, I went into a finished barn we have here, sat down on the floor and put a little bit in a pipe and took a smallish but solid hit and was instantly hit by this weird 'spidery' feeling that consumed me entirely and very quickly felt as if whoever 'I' was was being completely taken over by something else. It was in fact a terrifying feeling that no written description could have ever prepared me for. I felt taken over by this weird spidery feeling as if I had become physically part of everything around me , that any identity I had had was cast aside. The air around me began to seem very thick and hazy, as if it were a fluid with streams of air moving through it. I sensed I was in a train station, with distant calls for boarding, a train was about to leave, but I kept thinking that I didn't want to leave without my mother. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I was scared, as I didn't know what to expect or how long it was going to last, I had read that even though only a few minutes pass it can seem like an eternity so in my panic I tried to stand up and leave the barn to go outside and walk around and stay busy and not give in to the trip, a strategy I had used in the past when fear got too great when tripping. When I stood up to walk though, my legs at first seemed to give out beneath me and I had trouble walking and sort of stumbled out of the barn, feeling noticeably cold even though it wasn't a particularly cold day. This was the only time I ever experienced this loss of coordination and temperature effects, though, every other subsequent time I used it I didn't experience it. So I just paced around outside and in and out of my house until the feeling subsided. Basically, end of that trip, it lasted maybe 15-20 minutes of intense feelings. But when all was said and done I felt like on another day, I would be ready to try again, now that I knew more what to expect.

A few days later, I decided to try again, this time feeling more prepared to weather the strong fear that came on so quickly. This time I sat on the ground inside a plastic-covered hoop house we have on the farm here and packed more than the last time, and before I had time to rethink my decision, quickly took two larger hits in more or less rapid succession. I was instantly hit again by that spidery feeling and the intense feeling of fear, and that whoever 'I' was was being reallocated into this weird undulating spidery web of matter. This time, weird polysyllabic words, number hybrids and senses of direction began to come into my head , which in the back of my mind I could appreciate for their utter unusualness, some of which I remembered and wrote down later as “thumpamagoinafields (THUMPA-MA-GOYN-A-FIELDS) was in the 13/14 (13 slash 14) north-northwest” and “stevie mcmatwelfths was in the 6/7 (6 slash 7) east/southeast”. I remember chuckling to myself about their uniqueness, it seemed like they somehow were expressing some sort of truth about this new reality. Simultaneously, I was watching the plastic on the inside of the hoop house (which was sort of loosely draped over the metal hoop frame. Making for many many little facets of reflection), which as the wind rustled were morphing and changing into so many faces and images that I completely forgot what it even was that I was originally looking at. After maybe a few minutes (at the time I had more or less lost track of passage of linear time) the images sort of became more cohesive and for an short/long extended period of time I became this weird perspective of being part of an aluminum bleacher at a little league baseball game, but from an odd viewpoint, from down by people's feet, looking through them. I could barely see any game or anything, it was just a suspended viewpoint from that specific spot on the bleacher, it seemed sort of utterly random and again, totally bizarre enough to make me chuckle to myself.

Gradually from there I began to come back to my senses and just felt a very pleasant glow, and after a few blinks and shakes of my head I looked down to remember what I had just done, and noticed there was still what looked like another couple of hits in the bowl, so I hit them again and this time went right into the trippy sort of realm but with no fear at all this time, it was like that had already been taken care of, so to speak. This time I looked up and the plastic suddenly had a large hole in it and I was staring through it at a section of brick wall lit by sunlight, and somehow I knew that it was this brick wall of a junior high school near where I had used to play soccer as child. So for a very long time I just sat there staring at this section of brick wall with this tremendously heightened sense of anticipation that someone was about to walk into the field of vision, and it was so thrilling that it made me almost giddy.

After staring at that for a while I closed my eyes and began to have an extended vision that was sort of three visions simultaneously: The first was just of being in a pleasant pinkish red space in which there was no matter or form or anything, but in it there were other 'spirits' (for lack of a better word) floating around, who 'told' me (through direct knowledge) that I was in the 13/14th dimension, and that everything was OK and good. Simultaneously, I had a clear vision from a crib that I had used to have in an apartment my parents had lived in in Albany but had moved out of when I was not even two years old. I had never had any memories of ever being there, but for a long while I had an extended vision of it being in it a on a sunny morning in a bedroom, looking out from my crib with the sun coming in the windows, and somehow I knew that this was truly how it had looked. These two visions were all simultaneously 'colored' by the colors of this crocheted blanket that I used to have as a very young child that I had long forgotten about, with mustard yellow, army green and golden yellow colors in the patterns of a sine wave. It is hard to explain how I experienced all of these three realities at once, but it made sense at the time, I was sort of experiencing three different realities overlayed at once.

Eventually these visions began to fade and I opened my eyes and just sat there basking in the pleasant glow of the sunshine in the hoop house, feeling very pleasant and in some way gratified. As I sat there glowing I was left with a feeling of something having in some way shifted in me, of somehow resolving some nuance of my soul/persona. I realized that in a subtle way I had never really 'bought into' this world, I have always felt since a young child more like a spirit than a human, and I now realized that in a way my soul had always had one foot out the door, and that I hadn't really believed that all of the hard realities of this life were worth it, that it was just a temporary deviation from the spirit world. But now this had been left with a feeling of my body as a hulking mountain of an antenna that was a node for so many things and that the everyday life was actually in some unknown way incredibly profound and important, even if I did not grasp entirely why, and that the everyday decisions I made were actually important and worth putting myself entirely into, and that in some way it made practical sense for the body not to know the full 'truth' about what it was. The strength of this feeling faded in the days afterwards, but from then on I really began to come to terms with the miscarriage, was able to just sort of let it go, and it seemed as though in some way resolving this aspect of myself was a part of our second child coming into this world, which as an afternote, she did about a year later.

In subsequent uses, I consistently experienced the polysyllabic words/hybrid numbers/hybrid directional thoughts every time I used it, which along with the unique physical feeling of my self being 'taken over' by the spidery feeling of matter that I become a part of, seems to me the unique aspect of smoking salvia extract. I subsequently have also tried a salvia extract, which affects me in a different sort of way, but I'll describe that on another day.

I haven't smoked salvia again since that last run of use, but may again sometime.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 102325
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Nov 28, 2024	Views: Not Supported
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Alone (16), Multi-Day Experience (13), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1)