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Feeling Like a God
by Oxcelot
Citation:   Oxcelot. "Feeling Like a God: An Experience with Oxycodone (exp102630)". Erowid.org. Aug 5, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102630

60 mg oral Oxycodone (pill / tablet)


[Erowid Note: Because opiate use can lead to significant tolerance (requiring higher doses for the same effects), the dose used by a first time user is significantly smaller than that used by a regular user. It can be extremely dangerous to choose ones dose on the basis of the amount taken by someone else. Overdoses of opiates can be fatal.]

This is an experience I had with orally taken IR oxycodone, I am writing it while I wait for more orally taken IR oxycodone to take effect, so forgive me if this gets less readable as it goes on.

First, a bit of back story:

I suffer from chronic pain, have done for a few years now. I'm not talking about 'it kind of hurts' type of pain, I'm talking about debilatatingly-severe, took my life away type pain. After seeing every type of doctor there is, I was left with 'you just have to live with it'.

So after a good couple years of fighting with my regular doctor about my need for serious drugs to relieve my pain, she agreed to prescribe me enough oxycodone that I could be active and sleep at night. The dose started at 5mg, once a day, but I eventually got her to agree to 15mg twice a day. This was perfect for me. I didn't want more than this.

Oxy is a great painkiller, leagues ahead of anything else I've tried, and believe me, I've tried just about everything in my desperate attempts to find relief and be able to live a normal life.

Anyway, for a while, everything was pretty good. I could take oxy to enable me to leave the house, have fun, and sleep at night. I was happy, and I was not even thinking about abusing my meds, as they were so intensely beneficial for me I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardise my use of and access to them. Plus my doctor was always very concerned that she would create an addict, so I really had strong reasons not to abuse them.

This 'golden period' lasted for about eighteen months. I should add that throughout this time, I, on my own motivation and suggestion, began to detox from oxy for 3-7 days once a month. I started doing that when I noticed I was building a tolerance. I knew that I couldn't just up the dose, because that leads everyone to being in a place that they can't always get back from. My doc was really happy and proud of me, and so was I. I admired my own willpower for so easily controlling what is such a powerfully addictive drug. I wish that's where my story ends, but it doesn't.

I have always been very careful about researching every drug I've ever been prescribed, and I always make sure to go to hard reduction websites so I can get the story from people who have run into addiction problems.

As I learned more and more about oxycodone, I grew more and more interested in finding out why so many people abused it and became full-blown addicts. Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me, and I started to experiment with taking more than I was prescribed.

As I said before, my prescribed dose is 15mg, twice a day. So one day, I decided I'd take both doses at once, for a total of 30mg. This resulted in a very strong, very enjoyable state of apathetic euphoria. It was great, it was fun, and it was a VERY bad idea. Because oxy got its hooks in me quickly.

After my first recreational experience, life went on. I double dosed every now and then, but maintained my monthly detox regime to keep my tolerance down and ensure I didn't run out early. As time went by, I became curious as to what an even higher dose would feel like, and that brings us to the present day. Well, yesterday, actually.

I decided to take 60mg, on a near-empty stomach. I took the 12 pills at about 5:15pm, then proceeded to restring my guitar. By the time I was done, maybe thirty minutes after taking the dose, I could really feel it. I wasn't at the peak yet, but I was climbing fast.

I started playing my freshly restrung guitar, nice and loud, nice and forceful. As my fellow musos would know, one has to break new strings in. I would play a song, retune, repeat. After a couple songs, I was really high, but still not quite at the peak. At this point it was roughly forty-five minutes after dosing.

I then decided to go outside and play guitar in the wind, as it was a very pleasant environment. I got to my backyard, it was cool, the breeze felt amazing on my skin, then I realised I was starting to feel a bit nauseous. I walked over to a plastic outdoor chair and sat down. At the time, this was the most comfortable piece of furniture I had ever been blessed with sitting on.

As all experienced users know, closing one's eyes and lying/sitting down are the two things that will sort out nausea. So I sat, and I closed my eyes. At this stage I could barely play guitar because of how fucked up I was. If I opened my eyes or played too vigorously I would start to feel very ill. So I sat there, closed eyed, gently strumming my guitar as my long hair blew in the wind, whipping into my face, which felt amazing.

I was at the peak, and I was loving it. The music I was making sounded more beautiful than anything I'd ever played before, my hair felt so soft as it blew about my face. I could no longer feel the chair I was sitting on, I had my eyes closed so I couldn't see anything. To me, at that time, all there was, was the wind, me, and my guitar. I felt as if I was flying, I felt like a God. I wasn't smiling like an idiot with euphoria, I was just so.....content. It was like everything was perfect.

From the outside looking in, I was just sitting there with closed eyes, playing guitar. But to me, I wasn't sitting on a plastic chair playing guitar in the breeze, I was flying through space by the power of music.
From the outside looking in, I was just sitting there with closed eyes, playing guitar. But to me, I wasn't sitting on a plastic chair playing guitar in the breeze, I was flying through space by the power of music.
It was a feeling so amazing, that I knew I was going to have to work hard to control my use of oxy from then on.

Unfortunately, years of smoking weed has really weakened my resolve, not that I can blame anything other than myself for that. So here I sit, about twenty-four hours later, writing a report about my biggest dose of oxycodone to date, while I wait for another dose of the exact same size to kick in.

I know I'm in trouble here, and that's why I'm writing this. Because maybe someone else will see this and understand that they should never take that first step into drug abuse. And maybe I'll be able to read this in the future to help me walk away from oxycodone.

So there, that's my story. Well, it's a chapter of it anyway, and hopefully the darkest one.

The following is a note to myself, to help me in the future when I'm struggling to control this hook-handed demon:

Jason, you know what I'm going to say. You know what those who love you would say if they knew the real you. You know what would happen if your doctor ever found out. I know you're in pain, but you have to find a better way to deal with it. I know you used to think you can use oxycodone for legitimate pain relief, and maybe you can, but only if you NEVER abuse it. I know you don't have anyone to talk to about this, but that's why I've written this now, so that one day, you can read this, and it will give you the strength to rip the hooks out, no matter how much it hurts.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 102630
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 23 
Published: Aug 5, 2018Views: 5,978
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Oxycodone (176) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Glowing Experiences (4), Medical Use (47), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Not Applicable (38)

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