Citation: suPER_DUEper. "Scary Yet Nurturing: An Experience with 4-aco DMT (exp102714)". Erowid.org. Mar 14, 2020. erowid.org/exp/102714
Although I'm reporting this experience two or three years after it has happened, I remember almost every second of it with perfect detail.
My younger brother has a rich ass friend who got kicked out of high school for having weed on him, so his parents sent him to a school in Boston where other rich kids, involved in a similar situations attend. Well, I get a text from my brother; informing me that this particular friend had just flown back in (from Boston to Indiana), and had '4-aco DMT' in his possession. Apparently, some kid on campus had whipped it up, himself- and I was told that my brother's friend got it straight from the source, which kind of reassured me a bit. At the time, I had no fucking clue what this was, and was skeptical about ingesting some unknown drug, however I spent the entire day doing research online, and came to the conclusion that if it was a variable of DMT, then it must be relatively safe, as long as I personally don't make stupid decisions; while tripping.
I ended up going to my friend's house that night, and my brother came to deliver the 4-aco DMT, which was in capsule form. I was not used to ingesting hallucinogens in pill form, so this kinda caught me off guard. Not only was it capsule form, but there was VERY LITTLE powder in it at all. Literally 1/20th of the capsule was filled with this tannish powder. At first, I thought I had been ripped off, and some of the powder had been taken out, but upon tripping, I soon realized that all 25mg of this drug were, indeed there lol.
Now, my brother and his friend had taken their capsules the previous night, and had shared a little of the experience stories with me. It sounded very intriguing- I just didn't like the idea of being the only person tripping. I fucking hate being the only person tripping balls, no matter where I am, or who I'm with. It's just a lonely feeling; knowing that I'm the only one in the house/room perceiving things in a fucked up way.
Anyway, I got to my friend, Blake's house, and took the capsule. We sat it his 'designated smoke room', had us a few nice bowls of some high-grade cannabis, and listened to some mellow tunes. For a while, I almost forgot that I had taken this substance, but about at the 45 minute mark, I was struck with a sudden 'funny' feeling. A mischievous, little trickery had washed upon me, and all I could think about was how I felt like, what I imagined the Cheshire cat feels like. A smirk slowly made its way on my face, and I sat back with a nice, in-control mindset. I felt like I was about to take myself to 'wonderland', so to speak, and have absolute control over it, however, I couldn't have been any more wrong.
For the first 3-4 hours, It felt like I had taken a mild-high dose of shrooms. My pupils were huge, colors were jumping out at me, everything was funny, and I kept 'chasing' the rabbit, so to speak. My mind was, metaphorically, asking the drug itself, 'What else can you show me? Keep going. Don't stop now.'. The more I let the feeling take over my mind, the more intese the trip got, until I took the wheel of a part of my brain I shouldn't be behind. I went waaaay too deep into a part of my brain that I shouldn't have been in, and once I got there, it felt like something was trying to push me out of it- like it wasn't my time to experience this yet.
I remember sitting on my friend's couch, as we watched YouTube on his Xbox. As I was staring at the Tv, I saw the drawer below (on the entertainment center) slide open about 8-10 feet, which was obviously impossible. But THE INSTANT I looked down to confirm what I had seen with my peripheral vision, the drawer would close again. So fucking fast that I barely could comprehend it. I shook this off, and continued to watch YouTube, until it did it once again.
At this point, I started to get a little freaked out, but the more, and more the trip took over me, I stopped questioning things. I had reached a point where these strange things no longer seemed out of the ordinary. I didn't think to question them, because I was just going with the flow. It was like I was experiencing life for the first time.
What led to my breakthrough/peak-
As we sit there, watching Tv, I heard a strange noise that I wasn't familiar with. I began to look around the room, trying to pin-point where this sound was coming from, and then realized that the weird, sound was coming from a wooden-wick candle. I then started to stare at this candle and hone in on the noise so intensely, that soon, the noise of this wick burning, overpowered, not only every sound in the room, but every fucking sound that was going on outside of my mind. The noise became a physical vibration, and soon the couch I was sitting on was vibrating violently, as well as the entire house that I was in. BUT like I said, I didn't even think to turn to my friend and say 'Hey, why is your fucking house shaking like crazy?!'. I didn't even question it. As soon as the house starting vibrating, however, a sense that something was about to happen popped into my mind. Something big. Something that I wasn't familiar with. Something that was very scary, and I KNEW it would be impossible to use words and elaborate about the place I was about to go. I told myself to hold on, and braced myself for impact.
And just like that- GONE!
At this point, I'm in, what I perceived to be space. There was no evidence that I was even a 'thing'. I didn't know I had a conscious mind. I didn't know I existed. I didn't have any thoughts. I was just experiencing infinite nothingness. Then all of a sudden, there's a door in front of me, and that's when I realized that I was, indeed, a person trapped in my mind. A green mist was spewing out of this door profusely, and I noticed that I controlled the amount in which it did with my thoughts alone. The more frightened, and scared I got, the mist would go back under , to the other side of the door- where it came from. But if I just remained calm, and went with the flow, it started to come back out towards me. It was almost like it was trying to comfort me. I know that if I had've remain entirely calm, the door would've opened and something which the potential to blow my fucking mind, maybe even kill me, would have been revealed. All while this is happening, it felt like my soul was being continuously ripped out of my body at a thousand miles per hour, with no end in sight. It reminded me of when magicians pull a handkerchief out of their sleeve, and tied to the end, is another, then another, and another, and it just never ends. Picture that, but instead of a handkerchief, it's my soul, and instead of coming out of my sleeve, it's coming out of my chest, constantly... Continuously, as I'm just stuck in this place.
Eventually, I became completely uncomfortable, and BOOM! I'm back on my friend's couch. I sit up to re-position myself, and use my sense of touch, to reassure myself that I'm grounded, and back at the place I'm familiar with....but the trickery didn't end there. As I sat up to re-position myself, I looked down at the coffee table that sat in front of me. And some fucking how, all the random ass junk that layed on the coffee table, made a PERFECT mirror image of myself. I felt the movement on my face match the reflection that I was seeing. I saw myself, and I looked terrified. So once again, I try to re-position myself and begin to look for something else to focus my attention on because this scared me, pretty bad. I look up at the recliner that is in front of me, and ONCE AGAIN, I see another perfect reflection on the fucking chair?! A fucking chair is making a perfect mirror image of myself, and I see myself scared, yet again. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
When I opened my eyes, I started to see my own set of eyes every where I looked. It didn't matter what the object was that I was looking it, I was able to create the imagery perfectly. It was like my eyes were already there, hidden within all these objects, but because I was tripping balls, they were able to stand out. I recognized the eyes to be mine instantly. I recognized my eyebrows, and the brown iris that I see daily when I look myself in the eyes in a mirror. They were my own eyes, BUT they were pissed off. They gave me a terrifying glare. Everywhere I looked, I'd see my own eyes staring me down, pissed the fuck off.. I just couldn't understand why I would be upset with myself.. I couldn't comprehend that I was seeing my own eyes, and they looked as if they were angry to be seeing me. What did I do to myself that would project such an angry illusion?
After about 30-40 minutes of this, I become overwhelmed, and started thinking 'ok, I don't want to be tripping anymore. I don't want you to show me anything else. Go away. Go away. I wanna feel normal again.' I got a glass of water, and by the time I was done chugging it, I could feel the come-down taking place, and I began to feel more and more comfortable and content. Although I was coming down, I still heard a voice in my head that kept saying to me 'Do you get it now?...Do you? Do you get it now?' And instantly, I had realized that I was controlling the trip the entire time. I stopped tripping because I WANTED to stop tripping. I was seeing my angry eyes staring me down, because I was upset with myself for letting it get so out of hand. Like I said, I took control of a wheel that night, that I shouldn't have had access too, and as a result, I felt the most terrifying feeling I have, and probably will EVER experience. But at the same time, I also felt the most welcoming, and comforting feeling I've ever experienced.
But now that I'm back, I have such a great appreciation for the way the world is already. Wherever the fuck I went that night... I don't plan on going back. It's not my time yet.
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