Citation: Wiccan_Seeker. "My Five Day Retreat To Powder Mountain: An Experience with Methoxetamine (exp102783)". Erowid.org. Oct 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102783
Now not a meticulous account of how much was taken at what time but an account of the events surrounding me running through a bit more than a gram in five days. I'll try keep it from becoming this huge wall of text, buy I just know it will. Sorry for that.
The most commonly used dosage was 30mg orally on an empty stomach, but higher doses in 10mg increments up to 70mg oral were used to a total of 1 gram in 5 days. No other drugs were consumed, daily amounts varied between 150 and 300mg. Reasonable dissociative tolerance was in place, my responses were approximately half as intense as they would have been when I had no tolerance, if I had had no tolerance I probably would not have exceeded the 30mg increment.
On day one I took 20mg methoxetamine for breakfast, something I had done regularly during the 2 week stay of my father and his second wife at my house. The day was to be an important one, in the afternoon a female friend was gonna come by and we were going to embark on a MXE session together. Methoxetamine is really at its best in the morning, its at its strongest and most sparkly shortly after sleep for me.
She arrived, an hour late cause she had to work unexpectedly in the morning (she's a nurse) and we dug into our doses, 30mg for her and 40 for me, as I had some tolerance. Her previous session had been uneventful for her, more a mixture of experiences than something conductive to growth. She said she hoped it would either turn out to be a session where she processed some social problems she had at work, or a kind of 'chemical holiday', something thoroughly relaxing to give her a breather. She ended up taking two 30mg doses orally, and it turned out to be both for her, she worked through the biographic material and had a super chil chemical holiday, lying on the couch under a fluffy blanket with a pillow while I sat in my comfy chair under an authentic Masai blanket I had imported from Kenya.
I had other plans, I was going for the spiritual. I sat there with eyes closed, listening to my thoughts and deliberately, as I called it 'opening my heart up to God'. Out came feelings where it was clear I felt very unworthy and small, clearly more than I should. After she stopped dosing I carried on with her permission while she chilled on the couch. Then, it happened! I felt the familiar turmoil, and the expansion of neural activity into synesthesias. And the Hole opened wide and engulfed me, with her right next to me in the living room, a first time I went in the Hole deeply with someone present.
I gazed upon ancient walls with patterns and hieroglyphs, I sat completely motionless, more THERE than in the living room, but aware of my bilocation and her being in the room with me. She got busy, took out her lenses as she always spends the night when we trip on MXE as the afterphase is very long for her and she likes the company.
I felt her be busy in the earthly realm but was mostly absorbed in the Hole. Later I told her what I had seen and how it was. I explained: 'those rooms and walls feel ancient and as real and tangible to behold, but I am overcome with a sense of importance, that seeing this place is important.' I explained it was like being in there and the act of gazing upon those ancient walls and patterns, which were a part of me, was a religious service to God Almighty, who is the essence of all things. She told me she saw I had become totally still and solemn, making occasional gestures like crossing the arms over the chest and she had the sense I was 'being all holy and solemn while she was half knocked out on the couch fighting with her boss' my talk of the Hole made her decide she soon wants to have a MXE session where she doesnt take her early affairs in the picture but rathr open up her spirituality there, as she was keen on 'Finding the Hole' Like I had found it years ago.
She stayed the night and left in the morning, we both felt right.
I dug into my stash again and retrieved the lab vial with MXE again, preparing what was to be the first dose of a full day of MXE.
During that day something truly magnificent happened: I entered the Hole again that had the day before been still and solemn, and now, in my Inner Temple I connected with my inner dialogue there, and it started to talk to me in the name of God himself, thats at least how it felt and how I was to take it, even though I knew at the time that it might all be symbolic.
It asked me, amidst the splendor, to make a declaration of faith and asked me whether I did, truly believe in God. And I up to that point always hads been a bit reserved about that with a 'yeah kinda' sort of answer but now it was loud and clear: 'Yes I believe in God, I beleive in You for the full extent that anything can be believed.' and with that it was sealed, I crossed over from 'kinda believing into full-on Believing, in being a True Believer not in the sense of being some kind of elitist but in the sense of actually believing up until in the core of my being, true as in 'genuinely, fully'.
I was deeply moved. Without sobbing, streams of tears ran down my cheeks in pure joy. My Intuition channeled on: 'You are not unworthy, you are as sacred and holy as anything. I am the God of Mars, Venus and Andromeda and you, *name* are MY SON.' This wasnt an ego inflation thing, I wasnt over all others or anything but right at the same level, but to be under the impression God Itself speaks to you and calls you Their Son, I just overflowed with emotion and utter bliss. It was my conversion moment, I now finally had it. It said 'I will live in your heart now, and it will no longer ache for me like it has before.' As a cardiac patient, this is good news. It was a scene straight out of the Bible, this was a one on one between me and God like its written in the holybooks.
It was a scene straight out of the Bible, this was a one on one between me and God like its written in the holybooks.
Throughout all of it I knew it was subjective experience but hoboy it felt SO GOOD.
Then 'God' made a promise to me. It made the promise that if I would do my best to stay on the righteous path and 'follow the golden thread through my life' that, before the decade was out, something very specific which I shall not name will happen as a gift vto me thats been a lifetime in the coming, and not just that, it would serve to prove to me the correctness of the teachings I have been receiving in The Hole. And I would remember and know that it indeed came as foretold and not randomly. I will not say what it is but will absolutely tell you guys when it occurred. Its nothing at all remarkable in the world as it happens to many, but to me it would be a Godsent, literally. So, wish me luck guys.
The other morning I took 20mg MXE for brekkie again, and later went on my morning walk. I felt changed, and all people who crossed my path greeted me, something that just doesnt happen in the city. I went to get some groceries on my bike. I was minding my own business, listening to [a video of] the Resurrection Surah of Islam that was being recited in my mind. I was a bit withdrawn in myself, when an elderly Muslim threw his arms up at the sight of me and said out loud 'Greetings brother!' I startled and greeted back. My intuition told me 'He recognizes you as a Man of God, he is one too, that is why he greets. Don't worry this won't last forever.'
I came home and thought 'I gotta tell my best friend what happened!' so I called him, he's a Christian, and he was all like: 'In a bit I'm done working, I'm coming over and you gotta tell me all!'
He came, and I did. He was impressed. He was rolling a joint and I said 'You know what? If you don't mind I'm going back again.' I got out the methoxetamine. My buddy had had two experiences with MXE, both trainwrecks, the latter experience ended with him begging Jesus on his knees to deliver him from Hell in a monstrous bad trip.
He said 'hold it.' He put his joint away and thought a moment. 'I'm coming with you! Your talk has made me thirsty for God and it feels right to do this. Let's go together.' That was just epic. He had said he'd never try it again. I just knew that it was going to be groundbreaking.
It was. He took 2x 20mg oral with about 1:15h interval. I put out a mattress, pillow and blanket cause he's too tall to lie on the couch. The first 20mg floored him. He spoke of feeling astray from God for many months now. I told him to do what I did:
'Close your eyes, listen to your thoughts and upen your heart to God'.
It was like a divine nuke went off, he was wiped out, I just knew it was Good and said 'Ain't it great that God blows peoples mind personally, like in olden times?' It was spot on. He had a tremendous experience of Oneness, that the Microcosm and Macrocosm, and All are One and he got the exact reconnection with God he had been yearning for while his whole world came apart and back again.
I had at the same time the overwhelming sense that MXE was showing him the exact same things as I had been shown and that the Intuitions that fed us were one and the same. He was in my mind and I was in his and he felt it too. We were two fingers of one hand. This very strongly validated the experiences I had as the exact same happened to him, right beside me, in realtime.
His mind was blown so he kept it at 2x20, I kept topping off with more MXE throughout the night which he was perfectly fine with, knowing what Force was driving me. He insisted on making a walk and getting groceries to cook us a pasta. He went, and did. He was still very much out of it and had prepared way too much pasta, which I kept. Late that night he was fit to drive home and did. I hit the MXE and entered the Hole where my intuition greeted me with 'You didn't think I'd not have you enter the Hole on a glorious day like this? He did it all himself but you have been the facilitator. You have been doing My work and I am Very Proud Of You.'
The Hole was epic :)
The next day it was breakfast MXE again and subsequently the rest of the day was spent in the Mextroverse. In the evening I had 230mg down the hatch and committed an activity that only superficially resembled 'making Dinner'. I chucked the leftover pasta in a pan with butter and poured a jar of sauce over it, then stirred it up with a spatula while flopping around fish fingers in a frying pan, completely messing them up. I ended up dumping the pasta/sauce mess in a plate and chucked the molested fish fingers on top, then got to eating.
During my high dinner my inner dialogue voiced in the voice of the chef Gordon Ramsey his hilarious utter dismay for this abomination of a dish resampling words of his and making it his most flaming critique ever in the most rude way imaginable, saying things like 'I don't know whether I should toss out this complete waste of food and kitchen utensils or you for defining my kitchen with slapping together this utter garbage. God is love but He himself would turn you down for this. There are hungry kids in Africa right now who would look at this and go 'well no, thank you very much you complete wanker!'' I was just hooting with laughter trying hard not to choke on my food as I ate the surprisingly tasty plate while listening to that utterly entertaining tirade which was completely in jest.
I spent some times browsing forums and then decided to take a final dose of 70mg to top off the day, as I didnt want to exceed a day total of 300mg.
And then.. Right..
I made an incense sacrifice and my intuition asked me 'Theres not going to be danger and its not going to be horrid but, do you REALLY want to do this? This is going to be good, but VERY intense.' I asked: 'Do you see any objections?' 'None, but you really got to want this so thats why I ask.' 'Then it's go time. Bring it on.'
I sat down, a single candle lighting the room, getting comfy under my Masai blanket. I felt effects coming up, nothing remarkable and then..
I didnt feel in The Hole, I felt very high and lucid. But I felt several presences gathering behind me and committing an act that made my skull, and this felt absolutely authentic pop open by stretching out about a foot to either side, and a device being placed on my head that felt so real it was there. Alien brain surgery commenced on my brain, with me feeling my skull folded open and encased in a device. This had happened before, and I was completely calm and let then do it. I asked my intuition: 'The body mechanics again?' 'Yes a regular checkup and adjustments to your brain, some adjustments must be made to make you ready for the coming times. Normally this happens while you sleep, it happens to all humans, but its overdue and they decided to go ahead with you watching, don't worry, its all YOU and it can't go wrong.' So, I let them at it, they made their adjustments, closed up my skull after several body image warps and the device was lifted off my head and they dissolved.
It was total matter of fact to me, not a concern in the world. It happened, and yet it didnt, and that was fine. The realities could coexist and each happened in thgeir own realm, I was im my chair in the Earthly Realm and in the Realm of Dreams I was receiving brain service maintenance.
I received some more information. Apparently, your Spirit body adheres to your physical body with ties that grow stronger through childhood, are in full effect in adulthood and a gradual detaching takes place in old age which completes in the dying process. Children and old people are not fully connected, thus not 'all there' in the stages of adhering and detyaching and that makes for the incompletions of childhood and the 'defects' of old age, which are really sumptoms of incomplete adherence which show itself in the physical world as development and decay.
I went to bed blissed.
DAY FIVE - TODAY.
This morning I woke up and felt lighter, ever since the 'surgery' if felt more together, but I had a small localized headache on the spot they had mostly worked on. I decided for MXE for breakfast and took 60 milligrams.
To my amazement the effect felt very much like MXE felt in the first year of my use, I felt reset and indeed, as if my brain had received a maintenance round.
Tolerance was GONE. The effect was pristine, and I was happy as a clam. But suddenly, something happened. I felt as if, in another dimension, something very large and living detached itself from me. This caused a sense of loss and anxiety. I asked my intuition and it said 'You know how I tell you what you need to know? Right now its best I don't tell you but soon I will'.The sense of loss and anxiety was great, and I decided to go to bed, while my intuition was refusing to tell me what just happened. My dreaming self knew it was related to the surgery, my awake self knew it was subjctive.
In bed, the word came out. 'What detached from you is a great desire. It is a desire that was weighting you down, whih had adhered to you strongly and was making you unhappy, as it is desire as in 'the root of all suffering'' 'But why do I feel it as a great loss and get anxious? Shouldnt it be a relief?' 'You have depended on this desire and now you are deprived of it, its this deprivation you feel as a loss. I couldnt tell you earlier because it was still nearby and would adhere to you again if you wished and invited it back. You won't really miss the Desire, because it will no longer be there. I won't tell you whaty ity is but in a few days you will now. And now, you must sleep.' I didnt feel sleep descend at all, I just crossed overv from high to sleeping.
An hour and a half later I woke and I felt SO GOOD. For like 5 minutes I rolled arounds in my bed exclaiming over and over how great that nap had been. I never had that good a nap in years, no Sir! My high self, I was still high, knew that this was because the separation was complete, and that the Desire, which in the dream realm felt as a big round living thing about 2 or 3 meters (7-10ft) across, had left and was gone.
I felt absolutely refreshed and had breakfast again, then decided to write this. I still feel great, a bit high still, and feel like I'm done taking MXE now.
So there you go, theres the account my Five Day Retreat To Powder Mountain.
Gosh darn, thats a $10 gram of MXE well spent ^_^
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