Citation: Manic Mamba. "Energy Emotional Lessons: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & Mimosa hostilis) & Various (exp102825)". Erowid.org. Mar 2, 2019. erowid.org/exp/102825
So okay where to start. Iím a pretty new to drugs. Iíve experimented with MDMA, Amanita Muscaria, and LSD. I smoke weed off and on. Adderall is my drug of choice. Iíve been using Adderall almost every day for about 4 years. Iím an undergrad student at a state university studying psychology.
While I tried ayahuasca, I was on Abilify, and Lamictal for my Bipolar.
I was on Abilify, and Lamictal for my Bipolar.
Iím telling you about my bipolar because thereís supposedly some risk with bipolar and drugs like this for a risk of a manic episode. I turned out okay.
I wanted to try this because I sought feelings of psychological healing and I wanted to gain a sense of direction. AndÖ I also thought it would be really fucking cool to talk to a spirit!! And it was. It was great.
T-1:45 At 10:30 at night I began my adventure. 20mg Adderall. Intended to study all night. Adderall of this dosage usually lasts me about 5 hours. Some might say that Aya is a jealous spirit and would be upset by me combining Adderall with it. On the contrary, she told me she was mostly indifferent to it, but slightly happy because I could pay more attention to her teachings. I think I will use Adderall again in the future on Aya.
T-1:00 my roommate and friend came home. The friend weíll call him R, told me he wanted to try ayahuasca. So we decided to try it together. I had tried the ayahuasca about 4 times before, and was unable to produce results. I figured it still wouldnít work, and I could just go right back to studying.
T + 0. Syrian rue crushed seed taken in capsule form. Iím not sure if this method of taking the SR worked. I bought it from an online dealer and the seeds were already pre-crushed. I think boiling them works better.
T+0:45. MHRB 5 grams capsule form for me and R. I heard about using this capsule form and it appealed to me because I didnít have to make the brew for hours and use messy pots and pans. It also conserves more of the mimosa as it takes less to feel the effects.A friend and I had a horrible trip one time on just 6 grams capsule form and he ended up having to go to the hospital to calm down after vomiting and hugging the toilet for about an hour.
T+1:15 I took 5 more grams of MHRB in capsule. Again, it would have been better to do this slowly since I was new. Then we each had a few cigarettes. I could feel my head start to pulse. R and I both felt like it didnít work, we just feeling a little drunk from it so far. R walked to a close by separate party while I stayed home.
T+1:45 Still feeling a little drunk and now buzzed presumably from the cigs. Feeling a little frustrated now and in desperation to feel real effects from the MHRB, I made a tea from 10 grams of pre-crushed Syrian Rue seeds. I boiled 10 grams of SR for 6 minutes, filtered and drank the water. Immediately after, I repeated the same process with the same seeds. I was feeling determined to feel something that night, I had every intention to take other drugs if the Syrian rue didnít work. I had some weed, amanita mushrooms and some molly I would have taken if it didnít work.
T+2:00 R came back from party and reported feeling really different, he said the weed (just normal weed) he smoked at the party had a weird effect it doesnít usually have. So I smoked a bowl of cannabis to see what would happen.
T+2:15 Hyperspace. I could see DNA like patterns all over the space. It looked like someone had set down DNA themed wall paper everywhere. No need for other drugs at that point! It seems like the cannabis catalyzes the MHRB and SR. Lightheaded and full of excitement, I told my friends something was happening to me.
Soon after, I felt like I was telepathically communicating with the ayahusaca spirit. Without a shadow of doubt this was a feminine spirit. Eager to begin conversing with her, I started to think of questions to ask. But as soon as I would even begin to think about constructing a question, she would answer it for me! I lost sense of time and had a general disregard for the physical world that I knew.
Iíve read reports of people saying that you are a guest in the ayahuasca spirits house and you need to respect it. Oh my god, no kidding! For me it was like we were in a room not bound by normal dimensions of space. This room gave me a sense of connectedness to everything in time and space, it was impossible to not respect it. I could temporarily understand things about time and space I couldnít communicate in words. For example, I could understand how the ayahuasca spirit could be omnipresent, it blew me away so much that she quickly retracted the information and emotional rise until I felt more grounded. I donít think I would have been able to carry the information back with me to the normal world anyway because I was only capable of understanding it when I was with her.
While in the unfamiliar space, I felt so helplessly lethargic but so taken care of, so loved.
While in the unfamiliar space, I felt so helplessly lethargic but so taken care of, so loved.
She had full control over my emotional state of mind, energy level and she could even conjure up flashes of memories. She knew ahead of time what I wanted from her and she had an agenda of other teachings for me as well. Itís important to note I was so incapacitated that I could barely read, or hold myself up for very long. To illustrate: Finding headphones to listen to music was difficult. And then I had to find some music on YouTube to listen to which was really difficult since my vision was all messed up. To further illustrate how lethargic I was: on another trip I had I was unable to open up a prescription bottle of anti-anxiety pills because I couldnít physically muster the strength to open it. I donít know if others experience that intense of lethargy or not, but it was crazy.
Back to the story. She felt very positively about me. And she wanted me to teach me to love myself. She was inside my head and knew everything about everything to do with me. Itís amazing to feel like someone understands you so well and feels so positive about you. She was very prepared for my attendance in her home, like a school teacher ready to teach her class. Okay I know this was a little immature, but she was so nice that I had to ask. I asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said Ďnot every woman whoís nice to you wants to blow you, you know. And itís not physically possible eitherí. I asked at least like 5 more times that night, got turned down each time.
We discussed a very wide range of topics. I had multiple epiphanies. I wrote as much as I could down afterwards, so that I could tell others what Iíd learned. Most of the time people write about their insights, Iíve noticed they seem to have been mostly personally meaningful, rather than insightful for others. My case wasnít really an exception. But if youíre interested, Iíve included a general summary of what I learned at the bottom.
I stayed in my room the entire night, mostly laying on my bed. Or laying in front of my desktop so I could listen to music. But I didnít dare travel to the kitchen or something, walking was too difficult. But yeah, I was so happy and euphoric at times that I was crying. And I was certainly more happy than sad, but it wasnít all good. Honestly, it was the weirdest roller coaster ride of emotional states of mind Iíve ever experienced. It made me appreciate the control I normally have over my emotions and my ability to regulate attention/energy. And at other times I was shaking, cringing and begging for her to stop talking to me and let me go. Which was terrifying because I realized I wasnít asking for her to let me physically go. I was asking for her to release some other part of my being, which I can only imagine was my spirit. The emotional roller coaster and lessons she taught me about broke down my ego for sure.
Aya was deeply disappointed in me for not comforting my mom after she had recently gotten laid off. I said ďwell sheís a grown woman, she can handle herselfĒ. She told me that it couldnít hurt to go over there, it would be the considerate thing to do. Aya was very persuasive, and when I woke the next morning, I packed my bags and took a 4 hour trip to go visit my mom who lives in a different city. I bought my mom flowers, a necklace, a card, some chocolates, the whole deal.
T+3:30 took 3mg of Lunesta about an hour and a half after I started tripping. The Adderall was wearing off, I figured I had enough of the trip and it would be a good time to go to bed. It didnít have much effect at all. The spirit scoffed, amused at my assumed level of power in the situation. I laughed too, but I was soon to realize that the spirit was controlling the switchboard to my emotional and energy levels, not me or prescription meds. It was exciting, fun and terrifying at the same time. So yeah. The Lunesta didnít touch me. It just made me feel more helpless because I didnít have any energy. The lessons went on for about 4-6 more hours.
T+8:30 I could finally walk. I took a walk around the block and sobered up with some cigs. I took 20mg of Adderall.
T+9:30 I was able to drive, somewhat deliriously for about 4 hours to another city to visit my mom. The whole car ride I sat and thought about what I learned. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
The craziest part of the experience was how she kept showing me different perspectives I had manifested from specific situations at over and over again. It felt like a chiropractor for my mind, it was very manipulative how she did it, but it made sense and it really rocked my perspective. She would show me specific memories in addition to just general discussions when I was at a different energy or emotional levels to demonstrate how differently I would view certain matters based on these factors. She talked with me about every issue I knew I had, plus some other issues I didnít know I had. I kept cringing at times and saying ĎI donít get it, can we please be doneÖI just donít care anymore!Ē But she wouldnít let up, she kept pushing it and as a result I learned more with Aya than I learned in months of counseling.
Topics discussed: my use of Adderall, doing comedy, seeing my counselor, existentialism, male/female energy, roles, personal strengths and weaknesses, my relationship with my mom, self-compassion/love, time/space, relationship to my brother, trust, respect, vulnerability/helplessness, schoolwork, porn, sexism, and ego. SoÖwith all the topics discussed I was very surprised she didnít recommend a career/life path for me. That was just kinda weird I thought.
with all the topics discussed I was very surprised she didnít recommend a career/life path for me. That was just kinda weird I thought.
Here goes, this is the gist of what I learned in about 7 hoursí time. I made this somewhat condensed so please donít try to analyze to death or understand really deeply everything here, just skim this honestly. Be considerate of others. Have a collectivistic mindset. Women are people too, and not every time one is nice to you do they want to have sex. Porn is bad. Establishing your uniqueness and self-esteem too much builds an excessive ego that detracts from your ability to contribute to others' lives. You need to love yourself before anyone can love you too. Sheís with me all the time. Spirits can give you ideas in addition to the ideas you come up with anyway. Iím really weird and a bit of a dreamer. Also, itís important to do well in school because in some way or another Iím serving to help others one day with the education that Iíve acquired. Men have always been drawn towards a feeling of power and understanding things. But this male energy can be corrupt and inconsiderate towards others who are helpless to the effects of male dominance. And related to that, itís important to help others avoid pain. Life doesnít have to have a point, thatís mainly a male concept, always trying to describe things to boost a sense of understanding and inflate the ego. Just be. Itís not that complicated, for example just using your strengths in some way that helps others to avoid pain is a life worth living. Sometimes things are meant to be simple, and itís only if you want to dig into it that it will be complicated. Save your energy and allocate it appropriately to contribute towards othersí lives.
Okay. Have music ready for yourself. Have a sober sitter who is willing to wait the experience through with you. Itís very stressful to have basic needs like warmth or physical comfort when you are too tired to get it yourself. So itís nice to have someone help comfort you.
Treat the experience with the highest amount of respect. On another trip I had, I was so lethargic and burdened with anxiety that I experienced the worst psychological pain Iíve ever had. At least entertain the possibility that there may be another spirit talking with you. I doubted the existence of the spirit and Aya sensed that, and she was angry. So angry. So at least entertain the idea that you are experiencing contact with an entity, and in this way you will be more able to channel the energy, visions and memories you feel into something constructive. Try to imagine that everything has a reason and a point, seek that point, concentrate, and you will learn the most that way. Know what you want going into it. The longer you prepare and anticipate mentally, the better. Be organized with topics you want to discuss.
I had a profound experience overall. I plan on doing ayahuasca again, but Iíll be isolating the experience to just different amounts of Syrian rue first to isolate my understanding of its effects from that of the MHRB. Then Iíll carefully use small doses of more MHRB on different nights. I expect that after some experimentation, I will feel more comfortable giving this to others. Like my dad for instance, who struggles with addiction and depression. I think this will really help him.
On a side note:
I also believe that earlier that forces from another realm conducted a glitch in my online game play to test me and demonstrate a point. You donít need to read this lol.
T-7:00 While playing a video game called Halo 4, I got trapped in center of a virtual gaming map. I know this doesnít seem significant, but I believe the ayahuasca spirit set up this event because anticipated my arrival into its world. You can certainly skip this paragraph if you donít believe me. She knew I would later experience the trip before I even planned on having the ayahuasca. Iíve played thousands of hours of gaming and I have never, ever had a glitch like this one. After a close quarter combat duel, I was knocked into an inner wall of the map where no one could see me, but I could see everyone else. I couldnít exit the area or participate in the battles to support the team, I was completely stuck. It was really exciting because itís an extremely rare event. In retrospect I should have left match and started a new one so that a new player could join the match and contribute to the team that I was unable to support. During the trip, Aya told me that she had set the event up for me, and wanted to see how I would respond. This analogy supported a consistent theme in the ayahuasca spirits teachings for me: I should have more collectivistic values, and a general attitude of being more considerate towards others. But it also raises the question, what would you do if suddenly found yourself in a different physical being, trapped in an unfamiliar space? How would you react?
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