Citation: weathered. "Everything Pulsed: An Experience with LSD & MDA (exp102897)". Erowid.org. Aug 24, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102897
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 1:35
| T+ 1:35
| T+ 1:45
||(powder / crystals)
Around 18:45 my boyfriend, E, and I cut a 150 ug tab of LSD in half and each placed one under our tongue. I had done acid previously three times and E had taken it on four occasions. Due to previous experiences with semi-bad trips and the fact we planned to mix additional substances, we decided to stick with this relatively low dosage of about 75 ug each.
After the tabs began to dissolve we left our apartment and took a fairly brief bike ride along the Missouri river. Perhaps an hour or so had passed and we decided to turn back. On our return we passed by an old friend of E’s whom he hadn’t seen in years, A. As the LSD had not set in fully, we invited A and his girlfriend back to our flat. E and A smoked a couple bowls of mj and A left soon afterword. The full effects had still not set in. Anxious to hurry along the process, we each measured out about 100 mg of MDA and mixed the powder into orange juice. This was around 20:20. About ten minutes later we each bumped an additional 50 mg.
We left the apartment and began to walk throughout the nearby neighborhoods. Less than two blocks from our flat I began to perceive the vastness of the sidewalk. I realized we were walking down the center of the road rather than the side. Everything expanded and almost pulsed. It felt so insanely good to be walking, to be outside – to be alive. We realized it would be a good idea to head home. The LSD body feeling was overwhelming. My teeth ground and my skin stretched. My whole body seemed to be shedding, replacing itself with a newer, and fresher outer layer.
On the way back we passed several piles of bricks and an area where it appeared a wall was being rebuilt. I sat on the bricks and felt waves of reality and disassociation rolling through me. I began to clutch two small bits of bark and rock. Clinging to them, turning them over in my hands, unable to set them down.
We had had plans to finish the night with a small bump of ketamine; however, the feelings of the MDA and LSD were so overpoweringly stark, that we decided to hold off. When we first returned to the apartment, it was like a different world. Bright and shifting, strange and wonderful – I began to run in circles about the room, feeling an overwhelming exuberance of “running on happiness.” It felt good to hop, to pace, to spin. Everything felt new and exciting.
We returned outside and began to walk in circles around our courtyard. We paced around and around. Talking rapidly, cautiously following a cat that was wearing a brightly blinking collar. I several times found myself accidentally approaching the cat, which promptly yowled and trotted backward. Still, even when we stopped following the animal, the cat began to follow us – keeping a safe distance. My mind felt very much like the mind of a cat. I watched other humans warily, edging away from anyone accept E. Uncomfortable and off guard by their distinctly foreign consciousness. There were other animals in the courtyard – more than I ever remembered seeing before – rabbits and squirrels darted about me in an endless perpetual dance.
Finally we returned to the flat and turned on a black light and music. The ground and walls lost all texture. I was in a purple cube with nothing on the floors or walls. The area rug and ottoman seemed to be floating islands in the middle of a vast emptiness. I lay on my back and seemed to tread water timelessly. Music – usually a definitive part of my life – seemed strangely distant and uninteresting.
At one point I felt as if I was watching myself in third person.
Time lost all definition and distinction. Deep into my mind I soared, and then, bolts of pure adrenaline and fear shook me. Someone was knocking on the door – unfriendly voices were calling my name. In an instant all lights and music were off and I was crouching on the cold floor shaking in dread. Desperately trying to choose a method of action, we dashed to the bedroom. Then, I recognized the voice. Astonished to hear my parents, who had never been to our apartment, nor even knew the address, outside the door at nearly midnight. Startled, I flung the door open. They demanded to know why our phones were off, if we were all right, and why we hadn’t checked in. E remained in the bedroom and I mumbled something about having been asleep and my phone breaking. My mother mentioned the music and lights she had seen from outside. Unable to speak properly, I hugged her, and somehow managed to reassure her of my safety. Immediately after closing the door I sank to the floor in panic. The people knocking – the outside world, suddenly seemed unfriendly and hostile. The flat was our oasis of safety and other people had nothing but evil intentions. I had a horrible feeling as if I was hiding out and had been discovered by the police or Nazis or something. I refused to turn the lights or music back on for another 45 minutes. I felt convinced we were unsafe. My parents must have noticed my grinding teeth and saucer plate eyes. At last E managed to calm me down and we settled down on the couch. At last I relaxed and as the most extreme affects seemed to be waning – we began to discuss life and death and everything in between. Our conversation delved and rose to levels of wisdom and ludicrously beyond my normal comprehension. The world – money, humans, history, society, knowledge – it all rolled around my mind clearly. I saw everything objectively – I felt above it all.
Still I clutched the bark (a memento of my first LSD trip) and rock (actually a shard of meteorite E once gave me) desperately. E rotated meditation balls in his hands. The rhythm of the objects infused our conversation and it felt like I was powering my mind and altering my perception in a controlled way using these ancient objects – tree and meteorite. I felt their age and weight, their density and breadth.
I experienced nausea off and on – but attributed it to the large quantity of orange juice I had drunken that day and the fact I had fasted much less than I normally would have.
The realization that E had work in the morning finally dawned on us. We debated for nearly an hour whether sleep was conceivable. It had been nearly nine hours since we had taken the acid and the affects were considerably milder. Eventually we lay down in the bedroom holding holding hands – feeling more bonded than ever.
I don’t remember drifting into sleep. My dreams and reality were forever intertwined in a jumbled tumbling mandala. I woke up that morning with a jolt. I was hyper aware and sore, but more content than I had been in months. To this moment my teeth still clench and I can rarely stop pacing – but everything is good and whole and I’m ready for my life to begin again. I’m ready to face school and work and family and responsibility in a new light. LSD is a beautiful experience, although it can take me to levels of darkness unimaginable – the light is what fills me and changes me in the weeks following. I am driven by a desire to be alive and an acceptance of inevitable death.
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