Citation: Rondu. "Trans-Dimensional Stage Fright: An Experience with LSD, AL-LAD, 4-AcO-DMT, Clonazepam, Cannabis & Blue Lotus Clonazepam (exp102950)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2017. erowid.org/exp/102950
I swallowed a pill with two crammed pieces of paper, one packed neatly with a bit of Shiva's eye on it (the one dosed 220 micrograms), and a larger, more crammed piece, with the words AL-LAD in plain, Arial-looking font. I had on me some clonazepam, in case if the experience was getting out of control and I needed to halt it.
I began painting. MY mood had been creative and active, I had finished some labs after a grueling day of high school, and I felt that it was an optimal time to unfurl and do some introspective exploration. I was mixing oils and acrylics, which I found tough. I am not too great at painting. Regardless, I attempted to focus my energy on painting a blue dragon with swirling scales in oil, and to then wrap it in some thangka looking clouds in acrylic. Over the time of the come up, my gradual making sense of the image, guided by my spatial intuition, demanded that it become a seahorse instead, and that it have chiaroscuro and rear out from a dark sea. This began to give my perception feelings of darker colours and moods, and so the fantasies became focuses more on things rearing out from the shadows--not intrusively, but with familiarity.
By the 50 minute mark, I could sense the trip was already becoming significantly more intense than AL-LAD alone. In my excitement and rush, I opened a bag of 4-AcO-DMT, and brought it to my side. I eyeballed half the small pile of powder (the pile itself was weighed on a milligram scale to be 50 milligrams) and I ate it. Immediately after I smoked bowls of cannabis, and of blue lotus, which felt very earthy and ancient, although the harshness on my lungs was amplified. At this point, while my heart-rate was unaffected, I had strong physiological sensations all over my body, as if the axons of my nerves were rewiring themselves. Overlapping nervous stimulations led to intense erotic fantasy and pleasure. I took advantage of this and masturbated. Despite the vasoconstriction getting in the way of full release, and the overwhelming cognitive stimulation clouding my fantasies, I led myself to exasperating climax. At this point, things began to become overwhelming--well, not that they were not already.
I felt the strong kick-in of the 4-AcO-DMT, intermingling with the lysergamides and re-configuring itself for this 3 main-way combo. I was not painting anymore, simply lying down. Fungal mandalas splashed and whirred all over the ceiling. Arabic scrolls dripped down. Internal caverns were forged. I heard the sounds of whirring CD drives coming from within my head, like strange alien signals being beamed directly to me--not through some physical medium like a tangible sound, but some internal frequency that sounded as if it were emanating from inside my own ears. Did this ever wig me out, man! I was thrown into a thought loop, questioning the basis of nature as desconstructed sound kept on being wired to me. As reality started playing tricks on itself, I was questioning what reality ever was in the first place. These were never in the realm of psychosis, but they were certainly difficult material to work with, especially since I have had depersonalization issues from early experiences in my childhood that were really hurtful to me. This trip did not directly deal with that, but I felt as if it were being circled around. At this point, I was considering the clonazepam.
Suddenly, I was started to be pushed into what I would consider a '++++' state. In the periphery of my vision, complex, Antonio Gaudi-like architectural designs, formed from crystalline ruby and cyan hues, emerged from the ground. Large crystals were hurled with great force from the fabric of the room. The stimulation was overwhelming and at points I could not tell if my eyes were open nor closed. The experience would shift, almost deceivingly, between ecstatic recreational joy, and dark introspective underbelly. Especially due to the stress of past thought loops, I felt tossed over and over again between the same scenarios in my head, and the power of the visuals, I felt, was not being fully appreciated, due to the calamity of my thoughts. Realistically, I was just shy of embracing the madness of life and exploring the dark side with equal enthusiasm as I did for the recreational 'parts', and perhaps then I would have found the self-assuring value I was looking for. Instead, I began to fear the discomfort of riding out a trip I was not on the same page with. And the visuals were climbing and climbing!! I saw thangka like radial patterns, delicate balancing acts of fractals stacked upon celestial strokes of light, beaming out with apparitions of indescribable creatures--almost animal in their movement and aura, but perhaps too clockwork in shape and structure to be immediately recognized as such. They mended the room, and soon I saw mirror replicas of everything, unfolding atop of one another.
By this point, my heart rate was getting pretty fast. It had been 3.5 hours, I believe, since I took that LSD and AL-LAD. I got stage fright in front of a seemingly infinite audience of maddening lifeforms, leading me into a dimension I was not ready at the time to experience. The past hour I had been thinking vaguely and distantly about the clonazepam in the back of my mind. I decided I would take it. I felt like the ultimate salmon swimming upstream, getting upstairs to my bathroom. Fortunately, I had the pill already laid out on a book, with a plastic cup of water beside it. I clumsily threw the pill in my mouth and gurgled it down.
Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, the experience deflated dramatically. Post-clonazepam, about 30 minutes in, the deflation leveled off, leaving a strong ++/light +++ trip, which felt akin to previous experiences of a tab around 120 micrograms LSD. The hallucinations were present but wholly manageable, and I found myself talkative and stimulated, rather than quiet and introspective. This ran counter to the fact that benzo's are downers. Although, they are also anxiolytic. However, the more the trip wore off over time, the more I regretted cutting it off early, rather than just attempting to ride it out. However, I am incredibly grateful for what it was, and it taught me a lot about myself personally (as all my trips do)--and I guess it taught me not to get ahead of myself when dosing! I still am holding onto LSD and AL-LAD and I hope to try just those two alone soon.
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