DOSE:

400 - 500 mg

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

So let me start off by saying this (and don't laugh) but I'm the biggest Miley Cyrus fan there is. I've looked up to her forever, literally. So I got the chance to see her on her Bangerz Tour which is completely drug induced. She has a huge screen displaying psychedelic images and a bunch of craziness at her shows. And I am a huge fan of rolling so I picked up a bit for the concert.

I have rolled over 10 times. I rolled for the first time about 7 months ago. I did it twice a month for 4 months straight. I took a small break from january to march to give my brain a break before this show. Molly has done so much for me. She gave me a beautiful outlook on life. I use to be extremely insecure but she helped me fall in love with myself. I thank MDMA for that. Its such a therapeutic drug and it can be very useful if used the right way.

So the day of the show is here and I'm pumped. I took about a .2 in the car, and after about 20 mins I already start to feel it because I didn't eat that day. EVERY other concert I've been to (I've been to ALOT of concerts), the doors open at 7 and the main act doesn't go on until 9-9:30, so I thought we had time. WRONG. Miley decided to go on stage at 8. We got there at about 8:15 and I had already missed 3 songs which killed my roll. Like completely shot it down. I was looking forward to seeing her slide down her inflatable tongue to one of my favorite songs off the album. I could cry at this point.

So I get there and go to my seat and I'm rolling like crazy. But its not the same as usual. There was no happiness. Just anxiety. And dry mouth. I ended up taking another .3 or so during the show. At one point the lights were going crazy and I was having crazy intense eye wiggles. Like left to right superrrrr fast. I literally couldn't see straight for a while. And the music was making me dance like crazy. But, no happiness.

I realized I had completely lost the magic this drug use to bring me. It was actually depressing. I probably would have enjoyed the show more if I was sober. But the show was fucking awesome, she had some crazy visuals I couldn't stop staring at in amazement. And I wore pasties to the show that lit up, and everyone wanted to take pictures of me and it was easy because I felt extremely social and it was a lot easier to talk to people. But I just kept thinking in depth about things, it was weird. It felt like I could see things they way they actually are, like LSD/ other hallucinogens do. Life became bland. Miley appeared to me as a regular girl. I use to almost worship this girl but in a sense everything was transparent. It hard to explain. I just became really depressed on a drug that use to bring me so much love and happiness. It didn't make sense. This one night I was looking forward to for so long was ruined.

The hangover was one of the worst I've ever had. Depression hit me so hard the morning after. My brain was super fuzzy. I felt so unmotivated to do anything and I felt so extremely hopeless and I almost didn't wanna live anymore as crazy as it sounds. I felt my life had no meaning and I was living for nothing.

I think I'm done with mdma/mda for a while now. At least a year. I've seen people say they restore the magic by taking a big break. Its so depressing because rolling was my favorite thing, EVER. Hopefully one day I'll get it back.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 102986
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Feb 18, 2020	Views: 774
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MDMA (3) : What Was in That? (26), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Loss of Magic (34), Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)