Citation: earthspirit. "Madre Medicina: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp103012)". Erowid.org. Jan 23, 2016. erowid.org/exp/103012
Last year, during my year off from graduating High School, I decided to embark on what remains the biggest, most impacting journey of my life.
I had first heard of Ayahuasca through my brother, who had gone to Peru for a work exchange and ended up partaking in the historical indigenous brew of the Amazon. The stories he had brought back home with him were unbelievable, and I could see the healing that had taken place not only physically, but mentally, spiritually and energetically.
Upon much consideration, I decided that this would be a good opportunity for self-discovery, that would help facilitate in the choosing of my future, as at this point, I had no idea the direction I wanted to take in my life. Before I knew it, I found myself sitting on a Motocar in Iquitos on my way to a healing centre.
I had multiple Aya ceremonies... the following is an account of my first.
At the centre, there was a very old Quetchua Shaman who lead the ceremonies, and also a Gringo Shaman (who I will call J) who sat in on ceremonies and helped relay communication between us and the Ayahuascero. At around 7pm, we all gathered in the moloca to begin ceremony; it was J, his wife, The Shaman, one other participant and myself.
We all chose our mats, and patiently waited as the Shaman blessed the medicine and the space with his Icaros and tobacco smoke. I was called up first to drink. I told J that I wanted a bit of a smaller dose to start, so I was poured about 1/3 of a cup. I drank it slow, with intention, and made my way back to my mat. The taste was very strange, like bitter, salty wine mixed with soil, not as foul as I had anticipated.
The taste was very strange, like bitter, salty wine mixed with soil, not as foul as I had anticipated.
Once all the medicine had been administered we waited in silence for the effects to arise. I sat and smoked my Mapacho cigarette, I felt it clearing any negative energies I was feeling; anxiety, fear, doubt... I was very thankful to have it.
After about 40 minutes, our shaman began to swish his Schacapa and whistle a gentle melody. The Icaros had an extremely comforting feel, and I felt tension in my body release as I relaxed, lying down on my mat, eyes closed. I began to notice my imagination running a bit wild. I did not feel these were visions, I was seeing things sort of dance around in the back of my head. I'm normally a very visually imaginative person so I dismissed it as me simply receiving the song. After a while, I began to question whether I had drank enough Aya to pass my threshold, so I went over to J to ask for more. He poured out about a half cup, I drank it down and returned to my mat.
About a half hour passes, my 'imagination' is really starting to run, and I realize I need to take a bathroom break. I stood up and as soon as I left the moloca I realized I was not in a normal state. I felt slightly lost and had forgotten where the bathrooms were. I noticed it was raining pretty hard too. I just took off down the main pathway hoping it was the right direction. As I ran, I took notice of a drunkenness in my steps, and a very spacey headspace. To my relief, I reach the light of the bathroom and while I sit in the stall, I observe slight neon outlines around everything.
At this point I am quickly becoming more disoriented, and the sudden rise of my come-up seemed to spark feelings of insecurity. I had transitioned so quickly from feeling quite normal to the very opposite. Questions layered with self-doubt began to fill my head. 'What are you doing here?' 'Do you even know what you're getting into?' 'Are you prepared for this?' I did not realize it in this moment, but this was a part of my detox. Ever since I was a kid, I have struggled with my confidence, and Ayahuasca was bringing this to surface. These thoughts were making me feel very negative so I finished up as fast as I could and ran back to the moloca, still with that drunken body sensation.
When I got in, I was soaked from the rain and freezing cold. I got back to my mat and wrapped myself in a blanket, trying my best to ride out these uncomfortable feelings. I crouched in fetal position as more and more emotions began to arise. I felt a whole spectrum from anger, frustration, sadness, self-doubt... to joy, peacefulness, and calm. I am, by nature, a very internalizing person, and all of these energies being released were ones that I stored in myself, not realizing the true effect of this. Some of the feelings became too much, and when they did I simply shifted my focus to my family, and immediately felt the loving energy between us, and it would help me get through it. I felt very nauseous through it all but I did not want to force myself to puke so I waited, although, I was constantly yawning, shaking my body, and my nose was running uncontrollably and there were tears running down my face. This was all a part of the purge.
Visions also accompanied this process. I saw spirits of the jungle, plant life constantly flowing, growing, changing. I saw countless animals and insects. Lots of eyes, some were spirits just peering in on me to check me out. There was also a frequent humming sound that when I would focus on it, my energy vibrations would increase intensely.
Finally, at some point, I went outside and puked. I puked up a large, solid chunk... which was very strange, because I had not eaten in over 8 hours. It emptied something heavy in my body, and with that, all the negative emotions left.
For the remainder of the night, I was surfing through inter-dimensional worlds, endlessly beautiful colours, encountering spirits of creatures that would put Pan's Labyrinth to shame. I saw the vastness and infinite space of this universe, and saw the importance of the smallest molecule. Everything. All connected. I felt the strength in the ties I have with my family, the sheer love that exists between us, and I cried at the magnificence of it all. I felt in complete synchronicity with everything around me. Floating blissfully through new dimensions in full knowing that I was a part of the whole.
There is nothing I could possibly put into words to adequately describe this feeling. It is simply something that has to experienced.
All throughout my journeys, Ayahuasca was there with me. I could feel the spirit of the plant flowing, working on my body, mind and spirit. I could ask questions, and she would answer. She would guide me through it all. She showed me everything throughout my life that had caused the self-conscious energy, and explained to me how critical it is not to feed into it, to instead nurture the light and love that is in my spirit, and it will come out victorious. I was also shown the need this world has of the same love. The importance of a kind gesture, even just a smile. She made me see the beauty and power that love has, and the potential inside of me. Inside of all of us.
I believe that working with plant medicines allow us to learn to be like them. Plants are tolerant, generous, peaceful... in constant symbiosis with their environment. Ayahuasca is a very strong plant spirit, which for some unknown reason is here to simply rid us of our pain, our suffering, our blockages. To allow us to see our true essence, and feel the pure love that exists all around us.
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