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Hi Self, You Came Here With a Purpose
by acidcat
Citation:   acidcat. "Hi Self, You Came Here With a Purpose: An Experience with MDMA (exp103030)". Erowid.org. Jul 22, 2020. erowid.org/exp/103030

T+ 0:00
1 capsl rectal MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:00 1 smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  
  T+ 3:00 1 smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  
  T+ 3:30 1 capsl rectal MDMA (powder / crystals)


A Grand Experiment

Dosage: ~240 mg in two gel caps [~120 mg each / not weighed]. Administered one at T + 0, another at T + 3.30.

Time for a grand experiment! I had been dealing with some anxiety and various distressing thoughts in regards to my life
I had been dealing with some anxiety and various distressing thoughts in regards to my life
and had a three day weekend coming up. Upon my trip home, I began exploring the idea of finishing up some MDMA in gel caps that were tested and of a reliable source (and pretty damn strong). I'm not a frequent or heavy consumer of molly in its various incarnations and could still count the number of times I've hung out with her on two hands. As I pondered my evening, I recalled a conversation with a friend who had toasted quite a number of serotonin receptors already and was experiencing the loss of magic that often makes an appearance. We discussed the possibility of plugging as a way for them to get a stronger experience again, but neither of us had attempted it, and there was/is a bit of stigma it seems attached to the point where you need to start administering your recreation as a suppository.

But, what the hell. Off to the internet I go when I arrive home to hunt out the method. I eventually touch upon the fact that the gel caps themselves work out fairly well as they are plus a lubricant of your choice. So after a bit of laughing at myself before and after in the bathroom mirror, here is how the night proceeded:

T + 0.00 : at 7:18 pm I am seated at the computer pondering mild levels of gastric distress, and go outside to sit on the porch and smoke my last cigarette of the pack I have. Damn... This means I must go get more at some point. I usually smoke like a chimney.

T + ~ 15.00 : a mild burning sensation makes itself known. I consider this and imagine this is the point where the gel cap has started to dissolve. One of my housemates emerges on his way to his girlfriend's house. He comes over to sit in the outdoor living room that is our porch after giving me a hug. We go over some of the things that have been concerning me and causing anxiety and he tells me a bit about his recent trip to the dead sea and points beyond.

T + 30.00 : first alerts already, preliminary rushing sensation, I'm smiling a lot more. I tell my housemate about my experiment tonight and he laughs (not derisively at all, but out of amusement and respect for my intentions this evening). We talk a bit more, I tell him I'm starting to come up pretty hard and he says that I suddenly looked a bit more flushed than the sunburn I got that day. He gives me another hug, tells me to enjoy my night, and continues on his journey.

T+ 45.00 : the gastric distress is gone, or completely subsumed in my sudden disconnect from full function of pain receptors. I have headed back inside to take the best damn shower ever. After nominal wandering and brain spacing, I eventually navigate myself around the difficulties of gathering clean clothes, towels, sweeping up cat litter in the bathroom, and finding the perfect temperature for the water. I hop in to clean off a day's worth of grime, paint, sunscreen, and the sweat that has made a drastic and sudden appearance. Must get water afterwards.

T + 1.15 : I don't know how long I was in the shower, my sense of time is gone. I come to the realization that this is the hardest I have ever rolled. I have difficulty focusing my eyes probably due to dilation and nystagmus. I emerge from the shower a cleaned soul and wander into my room. I have to write my intentions down before I go any further into the night. It is now maybe 8:30, so I wasn't in the shower terribly long.

I find eventually a small notebook to write in. Here is the entry, mildly edited:
- so, plugging MDMA. Wow. Shit. Hardest I have ever rolled. Only been an hour since dropping @ 7:18. Lots of heat, feel great. Took most amazing shower.

So, hi self. You came here with a purpose. Let's make sure you work on it. 1) trusting L. Just do it. You need to believe his words because he actually does mean them. 2) it's okay to get dark as long as you come back. Specifically, think of the good. Force yourself to change these thought patterns. 3) loving yourself.

T + 2.15: I hang out in my room for a while and listen to music, lay on my bed with my eyes closed as the sea of sensation washes over and through me. It's almost too hard to keep my eyes open, my vision is wandering so much. I eventually watch some porn (like ya do), and actually have an orgasm while rolling for the first time ever. Usually it's something that always remains just out of reach. Once that's over, I'm suddenly Done like a switch has been thrown and feel like wandering around. It's time to rectify the cigarette situation.

T + 2.45: things are noticeably less wander-y, I can focus a bit better.
T + 2.45: things are noticeably less wander-y, I can focus a bit better.
Chewing my lips has calmed down, and I only freak out mildly about what if the gas station attendant notices my eyes. I stroll the two blocks in the blustery evening, occasionally running a contact juggling ball I've brought through my hands. Cigarettes are acquired without issue, and I take a slightly different path back to the house.

T+ 3.00: this feels pretty distinctly like the come down period at this point. I'm still in a wonderful mood, but not as overwhelmed by music and sensation. This is the point where I begin pondering the second tab in the house. I sit on the porch and smoke another cigarette as another housemate gets home. He hangs out with me for a bit, and I only tell him I'm rolling after he starts to wander in. Another chuckle. Of the housemates I am the most likely to be altered at random times (mostly due to my erratic weekends via retail schedule). It's also a tenet of the household that anyone who cares to explore should be completely comfortable doing so.

T + 3.30: I have reached a decision. I head back to my room to administer the second capsule in the same way. Back outside to wait for things, allow the mild burning sensation a bit later to pass. The rush is about... More than half as strong. Maybe 2/3rds. Sensations amplify and vision gets wander-y again about a half hour later, so it follows the same time frame.

T + 4.00 to T + 6.00 : more music listening, lots of getting lost in thoughts I currently don't fully grasp or remember (but all in the pattern of my intentions that evening). During another smoke break, the housemate who wandered in earlier asks my why I was rolling tonight, but answers himself with, 'squirrels?' squirrels is our way of saying anxious or fearful thoughts that distort the reality you live in, typically for the negative. All those uncomfortable, confusing things. I nod and say, 'squirrels.' I wander into my room afterwards and lay down on the bed. Drowsiness or something like it has started to kick in and I float in and out of consciousness for a bit before finally passing out around 5 am.

Next day:
This particular MDMA is very gentle in the come down the next day, which has not been my experience with all certainly. I'm sure it's still dependent on the person, but only mild lethargy, soft fuzz of optimism, that kind of thing. Got up around 10 in the morning, had coffee, considered my previous evening, decided to write an account of it for the curious.

Impressions: when researching plugging on the wide world of the intertubes, I encountered conflicting reports of 'very strong, shorter duration almost by half' and 'very strong, same duration'. My experience was the former - the peak was much, much stronger, and the drop off and come down sooner and sharper than oral administration
the peak was much, much stronger, and the drop off and come down sooner and sharper than oral administration
. In considering ways a person could maximize effect, I have a number of ideas I will probably test at a later point.
- if plugging, I would administer a smaller dose next time. The cap was probably in the ~120 mg range and the peak was almost too much for me. I would halve that.
- gel caps administration isn't too bad, but those with a tendency towards gastric distress may be more uncomfortable. Other options besides the cap include dissolving the molly in water or saline, sucking it up into a 3 mL syringe (no needles of course!), and giving myself... For lack of a better term... An enema. This can potentially allow one to be more precise about multiple dosing if one knows the concentration of the solution.
- for longer duration, or a different nature to the peak and come down, I would take a typical oral dose first, and save any plugging for later in the roll at maybe a half dose, or the same amount.

Keep in mind that all measurements are approximate

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 103030
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 27 
Published: Jul 22, 2020Views: 2,936
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MDMA (3) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1)

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