Citation: Bent Razor. "The Worst Evening: An Experience with Lorazepam (exp10313)". Erowid.org. Feb 12, 2004. erowid.org/exp/10313
It was the spring break of my senior year in high school. Our Jazz Band, in which I played the less-than-important auxillary percussion parts (Remember the corrugated fish in grade school music class?) went on a trip. Recently, I'd experienced a stress-induced insomnia and resulting psychosis. After a visit to a local psychiatrist, I went to K-Mart with my grandmother to get my prescription filled: Lorazepam, 1mg dosage.
I had taken three of the capsules with me in case I had trouble sleeping. The first night passed without incident. On the second evening, three friends and myself were hanging out in our hotel room watching the Simpsons. We were supposed to leave to watch another Jazz performance. I'd had enough of Jazz for one lifetime already, so one of my buddies said he'd stay behind with me. Good enough.
After the Simpsons concluded, I felt an impending sense of boredom. I decided to cut the evening short by taking all three of the Lorazepam tabs, a triple overdose, and dedicate my evening to nothing but a deeply medicated sleep. I asked my friend if it was cool if I just crashed for the evening (It was only 5:30 at the time). He had no objections, so I dropped the pills and waited patiently for my well-deserved escape from the day. Funny how plans can change...
Right before I slipped into my placid escape, a knock came at the door--It was our band teacher.
'Everybody downstairs; We're leaving in ten minutes.' My eyes widened.
'Wait, can't we stay here?' I asked, unsuccessfully trying to hide the panic in my voice. He simply shook his head and dissapeared into the hallway. Uh oh...
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that taking three times the recommended dose of a sedative and then venturing out into a public place against your will can have some unwelcome effects. This, in combination with the fact that I was emotionally depressed to begin with made for one deplorable evening.
The most noticable effects took place about a half-hour later when we arrived at the festival. When trying to step off the bus I nearly fell. My balance was so off that I couldn't walk without stumbling. I'd once drank seven ounces of scotch on an empty stomach in school and still been able to walk a straight line, so this was a very frustrated development. My vision was distorted; It looked like I was watching the world through an ancient home video, only getting every third frame. I felt drunk and disoriented, a unique feeling for which I can provide no comparison.
We arrived inside the concert hall. The up-beat music echoed from the stage, pounding in my ears and only adding to my confusion. When I felt I couldn't take anymore, I got up from my seat to take a walk and collect my thoughts. This, too, did not go as planned, since I just ended up getting lost on the wrong floor. After walking circles and getting nowhere, I finally sat down on the steps. I felt so overwhelmed that I began to sob openly and uncontrollably. An on-looking good samaritan witnessed this pathetic act. She walked over and sat down right next to me. Not what I needed.
'Are you okay?' She cooed. I made no response. Just a little side-note: If you see a teenage male crying like an infant with diaper rash, chances are he's not okay.
'Is it about a girl?' I shook my head slowly.
'Do you want to talk about it?'
'No,' was all I could muster.
She finally got the hint and returned to her group of friends, who were staring hard at me by this time. How utterly humiliating.
After several more lost minutes (as well as odd glances from security), I finally made it back to my seat. I spent the rest of the evening wallowing in suicidal thoughts and despair. All in all one of the worst evenings I've ever had.
Upon reading this, do not assume that Lorazepam has no value as a recreational drug. I once took four mg in my house and had a great trip, with lasting euphoria and excellent visuals. As with any drug, stay in a controlled environment, take your current frame of mind into account and be careful.
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