DOSE:

1 capsl

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

225 lb

I was attending a regional burn event. I had attended one smaller event previously, but this was my first larger burn event. It was a Thursday through Monday event at a remote campsite.

My lover asked whether I would want to do mushrooms or MDMA. I had never taken psychedelic drugs previously , and I wasn't sure. I did research on both over the several months before the event, as well as having conversations with my own lover about his experiences and expectations. We brought both substances to the event, and decided that we would gauge the mood that Saturday and decide if and what to take then.

I was quite relaxed and happy at the event, spending time with friends and enjoying the outdoors. After dressing in our outfits for the night, we decided to take the MDMA. I was finishing up a round of antibiotics for a sinus infection, and my lover said mushrooms can sometimes lead to nasal discharge, which might make the experience less enjoyable for me. We each took one capsule filled with MDMA powder which had been tested to ensure it contained no other substance.

We started to walk around the campsite, since it would take some time to feel the effects. We were exploring the area around the effigy and a ways from our encampment when I started to feel dizzy. My lover was not yet feeling the effects of the capsule, so he helped me walk across the empty field back to our camp. I almost didn't make it.

He got us set up with some pillows and I laid there with him holding me with my eyes closed. When I felt I could open my eyes, I couldn't look him in the face because it seemed like his face was moving back and forth really fast. Above our heads there was a purple ceiling and some pretty Christmas lights, so we turned around to face that way.

I laid there alternating between having my eyes shut during the most intense part of the experience and opening them to look at the pretty lights when I was feeling closer to normal. The lights seemed to be shining more brightly. My lover would make sure we were both drinking water and reminded me to not grind my teeth. I do remember feeling a bit overheated, despite it being a cool-ish night. The water felt very cold and delicious, and he reminded me not to drink TOO much.

My lover and I had a loving and heartfelt conversation about our relationship. I admitted that this was the longest relationship I had been in. He ended up telling me some of his sexual history, including some of his first sexual encounters. We are both kinky and poly. When we met, he was in a Daddy/girl relationship with another woman. I had recently had a few dreams about being Little. As we talked, he said he felt he had healed enough to explore age play with me, and we decided then to do so.

I felt the need to be touching my lover the whole time – not in a sexual way, but I just needed to feel him and to hold onto him. I felt very distanced and far away from everything, and if he let go of me, it almost felt like I was alone in the Universe, especially since it was still hard for me to open my eyes at times. For a while, his skin felt soft and malleable, almost like putty. At some point, he needed to go to the bathroom. The nearest port-a-pottys were adjacent to the theme camp main structure where we were lying, but it made me feel scared to have him not touching me. He asked what he could do, and how he could help, ensuring he would be right back. There were a lot of pillows around, so he gave me two soft pillows to rub, one for each hand. I ended up keeping one of the pillows which had long strands of furry fabric which felt very nice to touch.

At some point I thought I had to pee, and he walked with me to the port-a-potty, holding me up, but it was a false alarm. The next time he went, I tried again, since we had been drinking water.

The sensations decreased over time, and eventually I felt well enough to move and stand. We took a few pillows back to our tent. We laid there talking and eventually fell asleep.

I did take 5-HTP daily for several days before and after this experience. I have a history of depression, so I had been afraid that I would suffer a detrimental mental drop in the days after, but I did not. The event as a whole was quite healing for me, and I retained a light and hopeful mood in the weeks after the event.

I cannot remember the dosage of the capsules we took, but if I took MDMA again, I would only take half as much. Even my lover who has taken MDMA in the past said the experience was very intense for him. I would like to know what the experience would be like if I could stand, though lying together in the pillows and talking was also quite nice.

It was important that I felt safe at the event and free from the judgement of others. It was also important that I knew if I did end up in a bad mental space I could go to the Sanctuary and there would be trained individuals to help care for me. My lover had taken psychedelics on a few occasions and assured me he would be able to care for me even in an altered state, which was true to my experience. But having the safety net made me feel more brave in trying it. It was also important that we had the next two days together to recover – I would not have done this if I were leaving the next day to go home or if I had to work the next day or something of that nature.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 103285
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Nov 7, 2019	Views: 591
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