Citation: LucidSky. "Hospitalizing Myself: An Experience with LSD (exp103417)". Erowid.org. Apr 19, 2018. erowid.org/exp/103417
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 7:30
Lately I've been experiencing with drugs a little. In the last months I did cannabis, MDMA and mushrooms. The most fascinating drug of them all however, was LSD. Before taking LSD this day, I have taken LSD twice, all by myself. These were very pleasurable and insight-giving experiences, so I was not afraid taking it once again, also by myself. But I really didn't know what I was in for this time.
Instead of using the weaker blotters I had used in my previous trips (about 80 µg), I managed to get my hands on stronger ones of +/- 120 µg. But I was sure I could handle these stronger blotters. So I took one, put on some music and waited for the trip to begin.
At first things started out really good. The trip was gradually building to its peak at which I was having some great insights, wondering about the definition of time and feeling like I was the king of an alien race invading earth, to make humanity better and blessing them with the gift of psytrance (which I was listening to at that moment). During the first hours of my trip, I drank a lot of water, eventually leading to a full bladder. So at + 3:30, I went to the toilet. That was when things started to get really nasty.
When I was at the toilet, with no music surrounding me, I picked up a conversation between my neighbor and a friend he had over. At one moment one of them said the word cancer (which is sometimes used as a curse word in my country). This was the turning point for me, since I watched my grandpa suffer and dying from cancer a few years ago. Since then I hated it when people used the word cancer as a curse word. All of a sudden I became very afraid and had the idea that when I would flush the toilet, I would get sucked into it. I don't know why, but I flushed it anyway. I held on to the doorknob and got out of the toilet as fast as I could, running back into my room as fast as I could.
Back inside my room I tried to turn my trip back around into a good trip. This was not working, so I took some vitamin C and decided to eat a tangerine because I believed it would stop the trip earlier. But while peeling the tangerine, I became even more afraid, believing that if I wouldn't eat it, I'd die. It all happened in a flash, and after eating the tangerine it felt as if I had gone into a coma.
At this moment, it was as if an alternate me was watching this happening. He was frightened to see me almost dying, but he somehow got me into my bed and told me this was the safest place I could be right now and telling me it would all be over in a few hours. In my 'coma', I saw my parents and sister standing around the bed. They were all very sad and this really scared the hell out of me.
I 'woke up' after what seemed to be an eternity, even though only a few minutes had passed in reality. I felt like I was in a hospital fighting to stay alive, surrounded by a lot of horrendous visuals which I was afraid I'd never lose even though I told myself I would. During my 'hospitalization', it was where I really learned to know LSD, contemplating life. But one thing really stuck during these hours: I would never take LSD again.
It was at + 6:30 when the LSD had worn off enough to do other things, even though the tormenting visuals were still all over the place. I ordered a pizza and ate it, but I did not enjoy it. In a desperate attempt to get me 'back to earth' again, I decided to smoke some pot at + 7:30. It helped for a second, but the high of the weed had soon disappeared into the still present LSD trip and got me only more paranoid.
At + 8:00, I decided to take a shower. In the shower I continued to trip really bad, and it even got me into a short-lived acute psychosis. I had the feeling that nothing made sense and not knowing whether things were real or not.
I then put myself to bed, all I wanted was to sleep. But the visions continued to haunt me for four more hours, after which I finally fell asleep.
Looking back at the trip, I really underestimated the power of LSD. In the past it had helped me to build more self-esteem and I was convinced a bad trip would not happen to me. I couldn't have been more wrong. The next day, I threw all my remaining acid in the toilet and swore to never use it again. This experience has erased all the fun and benefits from LSD for me. From now on, I will deal with my problems in real life and not while under the influence of psychedelics.
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