Citation: Psychedaniellia. "The Merits of Metaphor: An Experience with Banisteriopsis caapi & DMT (exp103459)". Erowid.org. Mar 27, 2019. erowid.org/exp/103459
What follows may just be the most informative, communicative and direct-line message / experience that I have ever received on DMT. I have used DMT many times before and have outlined all of my experiences
, in case anyone would like to read some strange experiences such as the job position offered to me in hyperspace, the 'inter-dimensional food' I ate, and the gift of the icaros.
Dose: 40mg of DMT after/during 3 bowls of dried Banisteriopsis caapi leaf
I smoked the DMT right after smoking two bowls of dried caapi leaf, and then I put a small piece of weed in my bowl as a filter and then some more dried and crunched up caapi, then a big crystal of about 30mg DMT on top of that, then more tiny caapi pieces, and then sprinkled about 10mg more DMT powder on top.
I had some DMT in the morning for guidance, to try to help with my fears and trust issues and whatnot. I've just gone through a major life transition (left my boyfriend of five years, moved, kicked an addiction, and just generally done a whole lot of cleaning up of my life). However, I felt like I really needed some guidance, as DMT always seems to provide such a direct line down to my intuitive self. If I am ever not following my intuition in life, DMT doesn't work well for me. If I am following my intuition, it usually works rather well. I have noticed this to be *extremely* reliable, therefore a valuable tool for insight.
The experience I had was silly in some ways, yet quite serious and reverent at the same time (maybe this was because of the caapi that added to it). This experience told me basically that yes, I am indeed in the 'right place' in life, and always am. It strengthened and defined furthermore the same life philosophy I already have
It strengthened and defined furthermore the same life philosophy I already have
(that we are all intent manifestors and create our own realities; that we are capable in our own minds of making heaven into hell and hell into heaven) except in an even more extreme way than usual. It was inferred to me that everything was and is always 'okay' no matter how bad an issue is in life... But that didn't mean that personal action shouldn't still be taken to try to be as good of a person as possible and not hurt others. The importance was stressed to me to be honest about the way I feel always, and if people can't handle my honesty then they can't handle me. (This issue was pertinent to me because as of late I have been confused about my feelings towards certain people [romance? friendship? love? nothing but potential for hurt?], and I had been feeling that by leaving them hanging I was hurting them… but I have been completely honest with them.) I was also given the message to *really* flow with life, but like I said, to try hard at the same time to make positive change if I can where it is due.
I seemed to be in direct contact with 'The DMT plant spirit' (and probably the caapi teacher as well) rather than a bunch of separate entities (and this entity contact happens to me often on DMT). This larger and more profound entity proceeded to tell me that we (I and that larger entity) were essentially the same in our abstractions. I was reminded of my fascination of dreams and hypnagogic states, which I've had since I was a young child… I was reminded of how fascinated I have always been by creating realities for myself and for others. I was reminded of how creation is my favorite thing in life. It even pointed out our 'negative' sides, such as that we are both 'trickster entities' in a sense (especially as far as creating realities for other people). Most of this banter was telepathic, but a couple of times it would talk in a super weird voice… At one point, it even spoke in a weird typical Terence McKenna voice. At first, this confused me, but then I knew that the voice was a big part of the experience's meaning (that is, the accentuation of the Divine Joke that encompasses us all in this thing called Existence) and I knew not to take it (or anything it was saying) literally. In fact, it seemed to be pointing me in the direction that it would be much more useful to take everything in a metaphorical sense, and to pay close attention to metaphor *always* in life because it's all around us; especially in dreams, synchronicities, serendipitous events, and psychedelic experiences. Occasionally, I would ask for advice about a specific issue in my life... but it seemed that the entity was saying, 'Silly! You know that you'll do what you think is the right thing... and this life wouldn't have it any other way.'
I also felt a really really intense body buzz this time for whatever reason (on the come up and come down when I was in-body), and it was pretty orgasmic. I was making some automatic hand motions or mudras (this happens to me often on psychedelics), but nothing crazy or central to the experience. I was told at some point that I had to accept *everything* in life, even the darkest things. I was told that if I now had more DMT (I knew that it would work and add on to the experience because I had smoked caapi before and with the DMT), I could proceed to see and accept the 'darkest' parts of life if I dared, and if I could accept and love them for what they were then all would be okay. This prospect scared me at first, but then I thought of all the bad things in the world... But instead of being scared, I saw them as unliked, crying children in the corner. I felt bad for them and realized that while I (and most other people) don't welcome them enthusiastically, I should still accept them.
I had more DMT then (about 20mg), despite the warning of having to accept the darkness in the world. After I had it, I was expecting an explosion in my face and to be confronted with all of my worst fears. Well, I *was* confronted with my grandfather's grave first but I think that was dependent on what had happened during my day (my grandfather had just been taken off of his blood, hence his life support).... But I was also shown a boring nothingness. It was then that I realized that boredom really is my worst enemy, and inactivity or unwillingness to participate in existence is probably the most dangerous thing in life. I found that stagnancy was probably the worst to me out of everything when I really thought about it. The entity or whatever I was communicating with told me that since I had taken the next hit even when 'knowing' that I would 'have to' confront the darkness of the world and accept it, that everything would be okay and to trust in it, and apply that across all of life through metaphor and intuition… the exception being that if I had a really bad feeling or survival instinct that something could kill me in a really extreme situation… But the beauty was in the metaphor between the physical realm and the realm of ideas; between this 'reality' (which I like to call the Collective Memory Reality) and dreams and psychedelic experiences. The beauty was also found in subjectivity and by how it can be harnessed and used to tailor and fit into and make all situations and living *okay* for each individual. And of course, the ultimate beauty was found in the accepting of all... and I mean ALL, IN EXISTENCE.
That entity I felt to be in contact with seemed to embody every aspect of DMT and the experience it provides. It basically told me and allowed me to feel that the entity or essence and I are one and the same in every 'positive' and 'negative' way. Everything I live my life by is basically a theme central to the DMT experience as well as the dream experience in different ways. That direct line to the subconscious is something that I have always had and lived my life by ever since I was a child, yet I had never felt as strongly as this time, and now, that I have such a wonderful ally or allies. I mean, it makes total sense… but to have that kind of affirmation is so beautiful. Everything was, and is, OKAY. ^_^
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