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My First Time Was a Nightmare
LSD
by Mq
Citation:   Mq. "My First Time Was a Nightmare: An Experience with LSD (exp103867)". Erowid.org. May 28, 2018. erowid.org/exp/103867

 
DOSE:
1 hit oral LSD

BODY WEIGHT: 83 kg


I had read a lot about acid trips on beforehand, at least I wrongly thought so. I just recently had discovered MDMA, and it had been a great experience. Now I wanted to go a step further.

My girlfriend and I had spent the afternoon with my family on a family meetup and left in the evening to join our partners in crime. We met in the house of a childhood friend of mine, in the outskirts of a big city. We were: My girlfriend and I, my childhood friend and three further couples. One of them would not take anything and watch over our trip, as well as watch over a baby sleeping in the same building, using a laptop and Skype.

I didn't feel very comfortable in my friend's living room as it was full of things and lighted really brightly. I had read that messy surroundings could be really overwhelming when tripping. The lights were turned off and replaced by candles, which improved things a lot.

I told Vee, our experienced trip instructor, that I'd be up for 2 hits, and that I didn't want to combine the trip with MDMA, as I wanted to experience the real thing. Both tips that I had read online. Vee told me that was a bad idea and gave me only one. She also said it would take maybe an hour and a half for me as a first-timer to notice any effects, longer than for the others. I was sure that I wasn't going to have a bad trip as I am an emotionally stable person. Also my girlfriend had some LSD experience already, all only positive.

My girlfriend was the first to feel it, about 20 minutes in. Vee said that wasn't possible, it would take longer. Shortly afterwards she felt it, too, and so did I. Things started really nicely, my perception changed. Patterns started to move, things seemed to breath. It was fun to watch myself in the mirror. I saw my girlfriend morphing into herself at the age of 17 (as I knew her from pictures) and then even younger, at around age 13. Incredible. The birds on my t-shirt were dancing.

My girlfriend and I moved upstairs, into a dark and empty room with a balcony overlooking the garden, where the others had lit a campfire. Everything was weird, new and exciting. My perception was tilted in unexpected ways.
Everything was weird, new and exciting. My perception was tilted in unexpected ways.
I was able to *see* the smell from the fire on the balcony and the smell of the wooden floor inside. I could *touch* that smell. The blinking light from a charger seemed to talk to us. I had read about focus problems during the peak of the trip and focus problems I had. I couldn't keep a thought for longer than a second. So this was the peak of the trip, I assumed.

Our tripsitter visited us to ask if everything was ok. My girlfriend told him she wanted to take MDMA. He said, he would 'pass on her request'. I imagined what impression we must give to a sober person and told her I was sure we were not being taken seriously.

We walked into the bathroom and found a universe of its own. Everything was moving and had strange forms. The floor seemed to be wet and dry at the same time. Really weird. Then we went downstairs again. The atmosphere had changed. The living room was dark and in it sat a group of completely black figures, laughing a little when we arrived. We went into the garden and sat down at the fire.

I was increasingly confused and tried to make sense of the state I was in, and trying to find out if the others were in the same state. What they said didn't make much sense to me. They laughed and discussed the option of taking another hit. That confused me even more, as I was feeling mine very strongly. I looked around and noticed we were sitting close to the fence. I imagined what some neighbors or passers-by would think if they could hear our drug talk. They could certainly hear that. The others just laughed at my thought. What if they called the police? A car passed. I thought I saw somebody hiding behind the fence.

What freaked me out was that the others started using the exact same sentences over and over again. Maybe somebody was pulling my leg here. I felt bad and touched my girlfriend's leg, as I assumed she must feel bad, too. She didn't seem to.

I went inside again. The figures sitting on the sofa looked scary, with big, black eyes. I went to the toilet. There things started to get crazy. The room was turning upside down, the dead fly on the floor was the size of a rat, tiles started to move towards me and back.

I tried to figure out what had happened. This clearly had nothing to do with anything I had read online about LSD trips. I remembered stories of people enjoying the beauty of nature, stories of sex on LSD. This was something entirely different. Suddenly a strong diarrhea kicked in. I heard laughter outside while I shat.

Back in the living room everything had somehow changed. The house and the room had stopped existing, it was more like a black hole. What people said made no sense to me. Their eyes were huge, covering half of their faces. One face consisted just of eyes and teeth, and grinned demonically at me. Some phrases were used again and again. My childhood friend came inside and looked like a frog. He laughed loudly, opened his mouth and issued a gigantic burp. People were talking about MDMA. My girlfriend looked scary, like a maniac drug addict with huge eyes. I tried not to look into anybody's face anymore. I was scared to death.
I tried not to look into anybody's face anymore. I was scared to death.


Something clearly was going wrong here. Our tripsitter said incredibly strange things and stuck some herbs under my nose. Two big eyes in his face were staring at me at close distance, one some centimeters higher in his face than the other. He was clearly on drugs, too.

The laptop with the Skype babyphone made a noise. Somebody made a joke about it. The laptop became the center of my universe, with everything around collapsing. How can somebody be so irresponsible? We were on a gigantic drug party, having taken God knows what, with a baby in the middle!

Everything was going downhill from now on. My thoughts centered around the baby my girlfriend and I were planning to have and my parents who I had seen just some hours ago. Now everything seemed to end in a drug hell with no escape. I was terrified. 'Irresponsible!' - the word popped into my head a dozen times. I considered how I could save everybody from this collapsing world. How I could save my girlfriend.

People around me were laughing. I went to the toilet again. I shat and then suddenly threw up. Everything I had eaten and drunk landed in the toilet in front of me. Then I fled to the garden. I felt the wet grass under my feet and looked at the trees. I remembered trip stories praising nature on LSD and understood. Nature gave me some comfort. The voices around me terrified me. The same sentences again and again. Some evil things to my ears. Sometimes somebody would come and hug me. I enjoyed the touch but avoided to look into their devilish faces. Every word they said was wrong. A woman came and touched me and said in an ice-cold voice: 'I don't care about you at all, you're nothing.'

I started to think that maybe I was hallucinating, that all the mean things they said came out of my head. I tried to ignore the voices but I couldn't. I noticed that my girlfriend was hugging me. I don't know for how long already. I felt the cold, wet grass and laid down. Many hands were on my back, this felt good. I started to vomit again, into the grass. My stomach emptied and I continued to vomit air and spit. I stood up and noticed that the garden door was open. This terrified me even more. The fence looked smaller than before, the outside world dark and scary.

I fled inside, on the sofa. There I tried to think what to do to prevent the worst. I decided that not doing anything and not going anywhere was the only way. I laid down and looked outside of the window, to the sky. I stayed like that for hours, trying to ignore the evil voices and faces around me. My girlfriend's hands on my body gave me some comfort but I was scared like never before in my life. She stayed with me for hours. Somebody suggested to go for a walk. This sounded like a big menace to me.

After sunrise Gor's and Vee's voices around me suddenly changed in tone, sounded human again. I said 'Maybe this was really you who said that'. 'That was me' said Gor and I believed him. The horror trip seemed to have ended, the voices were not coming out of my head anymore. The faces still looked scary, with huge eyes, but things had improved. I slowly realized that my universe had not ended but I had simply had a bad trip. And the trip was ending.

My girlfriend - who thanks to me had had a hard night, too - and I took a taxi home. The picture on the taxi driver's ID moved and grinned at me, and at home all things looked really different. My girlfriend still had big eyes. Only after some hours of sleep everything looked normal again, and the terror in my bones had left me.

I am still trying to figure out what went wrong and what this night tells me about me, my urge to control things, my judgemental side and my thing with 'responsibility'.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 103867
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 39 
Published: May 28, 2018Views: 1,518
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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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