DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 hit	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 1:00		vaporized	Salvia divinorum	(extract)
T+ 2:00		smoked	Salvia divinorum	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

67 kg

Consciousness merging with Waves and Branes of the Universe [hard trip, long story]

Dose
T -7:00h | small pinch | smoked in glass Bong | Salvia Divinorum | 40x extract
T -2:00h | a pinch | smoked in glass Bong | Cannabis
T -1:00h until -0:30h | several times fractions of a pinch | tried to vaporize | Salvia Divinorum | 40x extract
T 0:00h | a pinch | smoked in glass Bong | Salvia Divinorum | 40x extract

Intro
In the preface I will tell a bit about in my story going back a good decade. For the trip report just skip the preface.

Preface
Since I was 14 or even earlier I had always a big desire in finding out the myths and truths behind why adults behave very strange when certain topics arise. Like when talking about drugs. Nobody seem wanting to talk or really know about them, but everybody was very hard trying to insist on the badness of drugs while at the same time nobody having the will to go into an open discussion about it. That was true mainly for my family members. But teachers seemed not to have a more professional way of dealing with that field except that they kept calm and not started to shout like my father when it comes to topics like cigarettes, alcohol abuse or illicit drugs. I even remember myself when I was 11 that our primary school class had an excursion to a place for teaching young people things which were not taught in class. Some kind of youth club. I am not sure anymore if the purpose of the whole day was about getting kids aware of the dangers of drugs, but I remember very clearly, that there was one dark room with a movie projector and one of the social workers explained to our teachers that this room would be for kids up from the age of 14. So clearly this was not allowed for us. As my interest immediately sparked for that room in which answers might be given which we were not entitled to hear I managed to get in that room later that day. And there was shown a kind of drama / documentary about runaway kids at about the age of 13 to 16 who were living on the street, being addicted to and injecting heroin.

It became very clear to me that these kids were experiencing some very strong and different reality on the drugs and that our teachers didn’t want us to know this obviously. My interest was piqued at that day and it never vanished again. Even I didn’t know anyone of my friends or classmates taking drugs I was open to anything I could hear about it. It started with movies on that topic and later went to reading on the net. When I was 14 I started to have a little more serious friendships with older teenagers. One girl introduced me into clubbing and MDMA. The first MDMA experience was a total blow on the head and after that I was doing it for about a year, but limiting me to a few times a month. I was always wanting to ensure my control on my ‘medications’ and not becoming limp or addicted like other people I met at that time. A few weeks after the first MDMA I tried LSD and that was pretty much of a new universe, with big skies starting to open slowly. At that time I also did my first Cannabis which at the beginning I totally didn’t like because of heavy nausea. Pretty soon I found out that this nausea was avoidable if I do it without tobacco (what many of my stupid “friends” thought was really weird). Later I was doing amphetamines (only for clubbing), trying shrooms, and some other stuff. But nothing could really impress me till this year compared to acid or one mixed shrooms and hawaiian baby woodrose trip in Amsterdam a few years ago.

Preparation
It was in Amsterdam as well a few years ago when I was able to acquire some 40x Salvia Divinorum extract. Since then I just did it a few times (not more than 3) because I didn’t find the trip pleasant at all. I always had experienced heavy tingling sensations on my skin, some light kind of head-movement-nausea and heavy mental stress. So a big part of the trip was always having some negative energy. The good thing was, it never lasted long. In the last 10 years I didn’t do much at all, especially after getting my driving license I was totally abstinent for a few years. Later just occasionally some weed and very rarely acid. After watching the ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ two weeks ago and reading a bit about Lemon 714’s I was kind of thrilled again and the thought of ‘I should do more drugs’ manifested in my mind. I still had the Salvia 40x, almost full bag and I read a bit on the effects that Saturday afternoon. That weekend all my family members were moved out to someone's birthday, so I had the chance to do whatever I wanted. Nobody would care. Before the dinner I plugged together my little PA sound system, which I didn’t use for a while (and I cannot use when other lame people / family members are in the house). I am quite crazy into deep house, tech house and micro house (also minimal techno) and I am quite crazy about deep and pure bass reproduction. So my subwoofer for example is a 180 Liter, 15 inch long throw bass reflex system with an 800 W RMS stage. That is ‘quite sufficient’ for a room less than 10 sqm.

After the soundcheck I was happy that everything was playing properly and I went to my neighbors house to have dinner. He told me that he was just starting to cook in the kitchen and that it would take a while. In the meantime I sit down in the living room and tuned up some easy micro house music and smoked a small pinch of the salvia extract in the bong to test it prior to the night. The head I have on the B is about 5 mm in diameter and the bore is about 10 mm high. I filled it up with the extract about 2 mm I would say. Smoked it. Put away the glass bong. Hold it for about 15 seconds. Exhale. That was about 6 PM. The tingling started. A mild body flush. Gravity strengthened. I had to lay down on the floor and put up my feet on the couch. The music got a bit more intense and enjoying. I was busy in stretching my neck muscles as I became an awareness of its pain. The sensation and the whole trip was a bit uncomfortable like I was used to, but the thoughts and especially senses of the body became more strong, which was a welcome change. Then my friend came back to the living room and asked what am I doing on the floor. I asked him why he didn’t stay in the kitchen as he told before. I just wanted to relax on the trip. I did not want to have negativity on here. As I just smoked a little bit of the Salvia I was quite sure its not gonna be that strong, so I didn’t feel the need to tell him before what I was going to do. He knows me quite well and that I can be quite weird, especially, but not only, when I do psychedelic drugs.

He went back to the kitchen and I was trying to enjoy the trip, the music and my thoughts. After maybe 20 minutes most of the effects were gone and we had the dinner. For the whole evening I felt a bit displaced and it was hard to stay focussed, as it seemed that my cognition still was busy in digesting the salvia experience. Later that evening about 11 PM I took a small hit of weed to prepare for the next salvia trip, as I hoped that a very tiny hit of weed might give me a bit of a soft basis for the upcoming salvia trip. I was concerned that too much weed would alter or even amplify the salvia trip. So the weed hit was very small. So small, that all of the regular weed users I know, would attest the amount to be without effect at all. My friend was going to sleep soon and I was then heading back to my place.

The Ultimate Hit
The sound system was already set up, so the music was. And in about more than a half hour I tried several times to get some hits out of a glass pipe like vaporizer. Each hit I was a bit scared of getting too much as I know that this sh*t could be very powerful. But it didn’t get thru. The extract did not work with this kind of vapo pipe. At about 0:30 AM I was feeling a bit exhausted and decided to move to the bed and going to sleep. On the way to the bathroom I realized, that I had taken the glass bong here which was waiting for me in the corner. I was totally surprised as after the last salvia from 6 PM I was still lacking in concentration and forget that I bring the bong back. After a few minutes thinking what I gonna do, I decided not to go to bed and try one last time the salvia with the glass bong. I had the whole night alone. Why waste this chance?

I prepared one pinch of the x40 into the tiny glass head, chose the room84 Lustprinzip podcast as the name seemed to fit for that purpose and there was one track which sounded bright enough to enlighten the otherwise possible dark trip. I seeked-in one track before that one having enough time for the smoking and onset. Then I lit up the sage very very slowly and thoroughly. The 40cm Bong was then filled with smoke about just 5 inch. Inhaled deeply. First thing after that - (always) put back the bong in a far corner to not drop it or break when the trip arrives. Done and safe. Then I wanted to hold my breathe for about 20 seconds. The smoke didn’t seem to scratch at all, so this should be possible. But after about 5 or 10 seconds the tingling started and I realized that it come so fast it might be a bit much. I decided to exhale. That was the ultimate hit what I was going to realize very soon from now.

Transcendence and Fear
Prior to smoking I had turned on dim RGB LED ambient light to some kind of deep blue purple color. But this color, nor the room, nor anything my eyes were able to see before were absent now in the time of seconds. Nothing I was used to see in my room was there anymore. Including me. My consciousness and all my sensations were gone to a place more far than any physical length specification could measure. It hit me so hard that I was not aware of me or my body, my room, the place I am, or even myself anymore. I think at that time I was moving on my bed with my arms, my whole body from left to right, touching my head and my face, but all this was not really clear at that moment. Instead my cognition was experiencing something far beyond visuals through all my senses. It went thru my body and my mind; both became indistinguishable. I was seeing bright flashing lights, white and golden, all in front of a totally dark background - so dark like it be the universe without stars. Everything was moving and transforming very quickly. It felt like a silhouette, a bright gold glowing outline of my body was moving and that was spanning all of my view. It was moving and transforming. It felt like I had the chance to see in the future, foreseeing the transitions it is going to make before it happens. And it came exactly like that. Everything was so fast, I was not able to stop it. The window in which I could see in the future might be only a half second, but was enough to get into the illusion that I had the chance to control what was going to happen. A transcendent state of mind come in place. Waves from the universe came and multiplexed inside of (my) the head of that glowing silhouette. All the waves were purely bright and they formed a borderless connection between the inside and the outside (of the silhouette). I was not there anymore. No me.

There was just left my cognition. Left with all that what was happening, but without me, without my control, without any knowledge or memory. Everything was so intense - not only that I was not there - but more like my mind was so occupied with all that senses being a 100 times stronger what I was used to when taking acid, that there was no place anymore for something in my consciousness what you could call ME or I or myself. (I) was totally lost in time and space. Everything was just now. All those waves and frequencies and energy flow into here (me) and the feeling of looking into the future resulted in a huge feeling of responsibility. Whatever I was before, it didn’t seem to have a meaning anymore. This was so much more strong, that I totally could not relate it. The visuals got more vivid. The visuals started to move to the music. My senses were so occupied that I couldn’t realize the connection between the music and the visuals anymore. Even the music itself I was not able to hear anymore. Everything was just flushing bright lines thru my cognition (long before I was not there anymore, but my senses were so close into connection with all that happening). The lines had all colors, especially blue and yellow and red, but also grey, a very plain but at the same time very vivid grey. The lines were moving like a spectrum analyzer. Everywhere. The presence was so intense that I could not catch my thoughts from a second ago. I just could experience what was going on without connecting it. I guess I was still moving on my bed and that this sensual body experience together with the music and the colorful light merged together to all that sensations. The lines of the spectrum analyzer start to fall down. New were coming from above. The “camera” was flying over the lines which fell down already. New lines were falling from above. More and more.

At some point it was an enjoyment of being a witness of all that power, force and life which was at that place. But then fears were coming up. It felt like the lines which were falling down keep sticking to the ground, unable to ever change them again once they got stuck. Still as new lines were coming up the old ones felt like they were written forever. It was a feeling of becoming glued to a flat surface with your whole body unable to move. The thoughts of the universe came back. The (myself) was connected to all the waves of the branes of the universe. The power of everything came into (myself). I repeat. It didn’t feel like what I thought would be me was still there. But my thoughts and my consciousness were still able to exist after that point. Thats why I write “myself” into the (brackets). I could feel it, but it was not me in a classical sense anymore who was feeling it because I had become something else. Something more big. Something more powerful. Something connected to all existence in the future and in the past. I had the transcendent feeling of all the evolution of 14 bln years and all the souls I have met in my short life focussing now in one point. It felt like the power of the universe would be travelling through that 14 bln years from entity to entity. Giving the power of all to one entity at a time and letting it go. Letting it decide. And then moving on. And now it has come to me.

The problem was the feeling of transcendence with the universe in this moment meant that there were no borders anymore. Everything was one. The power came to me. I had not only to feel it - no much worse - I had to decide what would be going to happen in and with the universe with all existence from now on. I didn’t want to believe it. As I was not there it was hard to question it otherwise. Also the visuals proved me that it was like this. That those lines sticking to the ground could never be changed. Everything was transforming into this one point where now is here where now is (me). I had the responsibility to decide into whatever transformation the universe and all the souls, science, knowledge and sense in there should go and what should happen to it. It was so shocking to me that I screamed (possibly inside me) that this cannot be true. It cannot be true. YOU (all souls) cannot do this to me. But then all the souls touched me and my soul - I could feel them how they were reaching to me, trying to tell me that is was of greatest importance what would be my decision, that everything, all the fate and destiny would be into my responsibility now. All their love and their hope were with me at that moment. They were not angry. But they were full of hope and trying to touch my heart for enlightening that awareness of all beings and things so I can understand it right for choosing the right decisions. All of them were there. All of them were about to transform into one. My mind and my decisions were together with the power in being responsible to transform all of this to the next level. It was on me if it would become something great or something very dark. The power had come to here - to myself.

I was so scared like I never was before in my life. (I guess my heart ran up to 180 at that moment). I totally was not prepared for such a trip. The stories of pink elephants coming to you. Forget it. This was a totally different dimension. Deepest transcendence and fear. The visuals kept going on, they were starting to “glue” my transcendent body onto that ground where all that other lines already got stuck. More and more of (myself) was unable to move with the time and waves passing. It felt like I had chosen the wrong decision. I totally wasted the power and existence of the universe. I just knew that I had to slow down the transformation in order to get some clear thoughts and controlling it. Stopping the lines from falling to the ground. Keep them up. Keep them up!

I tried to focus all my powers and somehow a bit succeeded in keeping all those waves up and not letting them fall into the immutable archives of history. For a few seconds the stress was not rising, it was stagnating. I knew as long as the lines would keep moving the existence of everything would not be over. Still this was very stressing and I believe I was still moving at that point. One unconsciousness part of me managed to put my finger on the switch on the floor for my LED light. The light turned off. I cannot tell how it was possible to see the switch as full of my cognition was into that vivid and engaging visual and sensual transcendent experience. Later when I reflected on the trip I was even able to remember the images of how my hand reached out to the switch - so it was stored in my brain. But at that moment wherever I was this was absolutely not what was happening. The realization that my fingers just switched off the too vivid, too colorful light, which was stressing my senses was not apparent at all. Instead I was still at the same battle trying to save the existence and the power of the universe. But that was a failure. Because in that right moment, when I was just for a few seconds getting successful in preventing the collapse of everything, the light went off. (I did not realize that I was the one who just switched it off.) Another wave of shock came into that part which was left of me. I did the wrong decision again. I did not stop the collapse of the universe. The light was gone. All the light in the whole world. It would not be possible to get it back. It was the ongoing, unstoppable way of the world. That seemed to be the destiny. The same as when the light started to exist at some point, the point where it vanishes was come now. I was so shocked that I got into a state of praying. Even I don’t consider myself confessional or religious (in a classic way), the only thing what could stop it now was believe. Believe in that wherever it goes. It will be fine. But this not really made me feel better. The collapse of all being, together with the fact that I was the one being responsible for it, did not feel nice.

Rise of Rational Thoughts
Funny - in some way - my thoughts didn’t stop. As long as my thoughts were up here, something must still exist. Beyond the light. I let it go. See what happens. I failed to change it, so just lets accept it. The next day when I was listening again to that podcast I realized that this moment, when the interlude came, where the bass stopped and a voice and a lot of atmospheric tones occurred saying “YOU ......” - “YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE …” that this was exactly the moment when I understand all that responsibility on me - just me left - and I did not doubt it anymore. Even more funny when the music continued to have the rhythm and the bass again, it felt like everything was not over and I might have a little chance to take back control again. Seeing like that from a distant perspective I can tell that every aspect of the music was forming a part of that “reality”. Strong stuff!

Back to the experience. In that moment I was not aware of any of those reasonable thoughts. All the music was forming me, but without being aware of it. I never had something like that on acid. No matter how high I was, I still was in knowledge that I had taken something and that no matter where I would go, I would come back after some more or less hours anyway. This was different. The “reality” of the sage trip came so quick and was so intense, strong and present that there was nothing else than that. No me, no I, no controlled memories or thoughts.

As the trip continued, the feeling of control came back and my thoughts were kind of: “As long as it lasts, its not over”. Among the first rational thoughts coming back there was one important which had the chance to make the fears go away. The thought sounds really simple, but in that moment all was about this questions: “Could that experience, as I just smoked a bit of a green plant material result in having effects on the entire universe?” “Or is everything just in my head?” Even it felt so real and present, there was a possibility that everything was just inside my head, and no matter what was happening to me, the consideration came up that it probably will not going to affect the world outside of me. I thought about that for a while and tried to approach the thought from different directions to be safe, and as the trip with all that sensations started to loose a little bit of its intensity I was slowly able to rationally accept the truth of this statement. This relieved a lot from the fear and it made the way free to recure from the shock.

I still was in an extreme awake state as of the shock, and tried to not let this unbelievable ‘thing’ go what came to me. I tried to hold it and to get an understanding of its meaning to me. I tried to focus on the experience and the visuals again and my body sensations while having the safety now, that my decisions in that moment do not have an effect on the entire unity / universe (anymore). Some minutes passed while longing after meaning of that experience. My visual sense came back in a familiar way. After the effects vanished and my thoughts begin to exit that certain “reality”, I - together with some of my ordinary powers - came back into the room. I was able to see the notebook which was connected to the sound system and playing the tracks. I was wondering why my room was dark. Later I realized that it was me, while on the peak of the trip, who turned off the light.

I chose another ‘soft’ track now from my playlist and enjoyed the still very fractal and hardly orderable kind of enlightenment which came down to me. More and more I understand that the powers and all waves which came to me, especially together with that responsibility were an illusion and I was happy in one way. On the other hand I had the slight feeling being a bit disappointed that at least one aspect of this so intense experience was meaningless or at least super overrated in some way.

20 minutes further, at about 01:30 AM I decided to call one of my friends. That one who had experienced some acid and trips with me in the past years. He is kind of a professional philosopher, though still a student. Good chance that he is still awake. I could not believe what just has happened. I must tell it someone! I called him. He answered. I asked him first if he was sleeping already. He said he is in the bed already, but not sleeping yet. Good. My speech was very rapid and everything else but clear. I was kind of fast mumbling and moaning because of this powerful experience I just had which still left me super alerted and displaced. I think I prepared him that I was going to tell him some ‘crazy sh*t’ what just was happened to me. Then I think I talked for 5 minutes without a stop. He said it sounds really spaced out what I was telling him, but at the same time he could hardly understand the words, because I was talking way too fast and merging words together. We continued to talk for a total of about 15 minutes, I was so fluttering - unable to talk slow. I wished him he shall have good night and sleep and we will talk about that in person soon again. Despite the night time I was calling him he was thankful as of the new perspective I was trying to let him be part. He said it was giving him a good vibe and that he probably could have good dreams now. Sure, he didn’t feel the fear on me from minutes before, he had the luxury to watch it from far. I guess he was kind of amused, something kicked me so hard out of the world, as he knows me otherwise from the “normal world”, being some kind of a stable personality, in a way, normally not freaking out while dealing with problems.

The Aftermath
I continued to read on the internet about the term “Ich-Auflösung” (german, means like self dissociation) and transcendence. I have heard of those often before. But I never was more aware of its meaning than that night. I have experienced some amount of depersonalisation a few times on acid and mushrooms, but this was uncomparable, basically because of the intensity and the connected fact that I was not aware of myself, nor that I have taken something, what induced the effects. I was still very awake because of the hard hitting trip and continued to read until 4 AM. After I managed to have a good sleep. The next day I was still feeling a bit misplaced and also enlightened at the same time. In the afternoon while I was driving the car I was feeling like I could not see fast moving objects in the periphery very early. That felt a bit scary, and I concluded to not drive much that day. The salvia was long out of my body. But my mind and my perception was still in an altered state of consciousness which did not allow me to have that oversight you need when you drive a car. It was more focussed on certain aspects, especially inside my mind.

The afternoon before that experience I was reading online about salvia effects among other negative effects “difficulty in integrating experiences”. I tried to imagine what that could mean. I could not. I was laughing about it and had a funny imagination of people smoking way too much sage and not finding back on track after that. It was hard to imagine. And I totally was not successful in imaging it. But after that night, after that trip I f*cking know now what it means. The effects can be so strong that some of your emotional programs in your brain might be altered or even reprogrammed. This might result in seeing or feeling things totally different than before. The more hard you trip, the bigger the shift. Even after the effects are completely gone this shift in perspective can persist. It becomes less strong after days, but it still can be strong enough to stop you from doing whatever you were doing before.

About two weeks after the trip I am still thinking often about it and about its meanings. The next day after the trip I ordered about 5 books on the internet as I feel I have to dig deeper into this “virtual reality” our mind creates for us everyday, enabling us to fulfill social conventions and recurring task in everyday life. When I listen to music those days a little bit of that feeling and tingling from the trip comes back occasionally. I have the feeling that my inner senses became more sharp. There came up an awareness of the unity, of how short everyone's existence of us - as a human body - here on the planet - in history - is - compared to the billions of years of the just proven existence of the unity. How short is that frame of time given to anyone of us, making a change. I have the serious wish now, not to waste my life like so many other individuals do, by watching nonsense in TV, spending all their money on nonsense products and finally not making a difference. Not loving the people who deserve it, but hating the people who also not deserve it. So many people going so wrong directions of hate, greed, envy, violence and war. I don’t want to waste my time. I want to do something good. Something big. I want to give love and knowledge to the people. I know I have to work hard for that. But as everything starts becoming so clear, it seems it could become easier to stay on track.

This was an extreme experience. I succeeded with more enlightenment than I was expecting while encountering powers and fears I could not imagine before. I definitely will examine that field of study more in the future. But that salvia experience I am not going to repeat soon. It was intense and frightening. At the moment it looks like a clever idea to just do a smart dose of acid and try to enjoy the trip and its beauty next time. But I am sure, when one day I will come (back) to the boredom or depression, not having a clear direction to go, that I will have the chance to come back to salvia land, to free up my mind. Though I have now even more huge respect of the importance taking a proper amount of this little dark green plant component to not have a “reprogramming” which might be more drastic than one could desire.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103879
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Oct 22, 2020	Views: 524
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Music Discussion (22), General (1), Alone (16)