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A Most Horrible and Wonderful Experience
by maynard
Citation:   maynard. "A Most Horrible and Wonderful Experience: An Experience with 4-ACO-DMT (exp103892)". Sep 13, 2014.

T+ 0:00
20 mg oral 4-AcO-DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:00 20 mg oral 4-AcO-DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 5:00   oral Alcohol - Beer/Wine  


I will preface this by saying I have struggled with drug addiction for the past two years. I have been forced into 12-step programs and found them to be tolerable, but overall, very robotic. It was as if every person was the same.

My addiction has led me to this experience. I previously had a very positive experience with mushrooms and did a lot of research about compounds that gave a similar experience. After a lot of searching 4-ACO-DMT is what I settled on. I mistakenly went into this with the intent to use this drug recreationally. I would soon find that this was not its intent.

I initially experimented by insulfation and utilized a dose of 15mg. I found that the experience was intense, but neither pleasurable nor negative. It only altered perceptions and gave me a feeling of slight euphoria after about 2 hours of nothing but visuals and an odd body buzz that I cannot relate to you.

The following morning, I wanted to experiment with oral dosing as I hypothesize that I was bypassing first-pass metabolism required for this drug by insulfatting. I first ingested 20mg. I waited about an hour and felt slight effects, but nothing much. I assumed this was due to tolerance and bravely measured out another 20mg dose. This was both one of the worst mistakes and best decisions of my entire life.
This was both one of the worst mistakes and best decisions of my entire life.

I initially found the effects to be disappointing and felt slightly sedated to the point where I just wanted to take a nap. I attempted to nap with The Office playing in the background but could not get to sleep. This agitated and annoyed me. I slowly felt this anxiety creep up on me which was similar to a withdrawal I had previously felt from SSRIs. I simply could not be comfortable without moving.

At one point I finally realized, I might be having a 'bad trip' that I had always read about but never experienced. I tried multiple things to alleviate the anxiety and the feeling that I had to keep moving. I got online, I read about positive experiences and a few bad ones and wondered why mine was so bad. Looking back, it was because my brain was poisoned and my life was a mess.

I cursed myself and wondered why I kept trying these substances to improve my mood. I thought about my relationships with people, including my best friend and my ex-girlfriend. I looked around at my room and the mess it was and felt like it was a metaphor to the mess I was and the mess my life was.

I finally decided, from reading, that my best option was to just lie back in silence, breathe and look around. I began to look at my ceiling and the white paint began to glow a deep forest green. ďGreen is my favorite colorĒ I thought and the longer I stared, the greener it became. I was uncomfortable and agitated and wanting the experience to end this entire time. I began to realize how I could alter my visual perceptions by simply thinking ďmy favorite color is greenĒ. Itís so difficult to put this into words now but simultaneously Iím going through this introspective look at myself, all my faults and every horrible thing that has ever happened to me. All I want is for this to end, and this is roughly 2 hours after my second dose.

Finally, after looking at the mess everything is in, I decide that the best thing to do is to just get up and clean. I begin going through my room throwing things away, picking up dishes. Then I proceed to the living room and the kitchen. Nothing is pleasant about this. I feel all the hatred I have for who I am and what Iíve done.

Finally, I reached a point where I was feeling better. I had at least begun to clean my apartment and I didnít feel nearly as anxious. I decided that some wine might help to calm me down just a little bit. This was approximately 5 hours after my initial dose and 4 hours after my second dose.

I admittedly chugged a few glasses and the wine helped to bring a euphoria that Iím not sure Iíve ever experienced and which I am still experiencing as I write this approximately 6 hours after my first dose and 5 hours after my second dose.

I immediately had to message my best friend and my ex-girlfriend and share the experience. This writing does not come close to explaining what occurred in my head and the change I experienced in my psyche.

I DO NOT recommend using this substance. It was an EXTREMELY unpleasant experience for me. On the the other hand, I feel like I left it with a level of insight into myself that I could not have achieved otherwise. This was a truly life-changing experience. The ONLY time I will ever attempt this again, is when I find myself in the depths of despair needing for something to raise me out. Truly, this has been one of the greatest experiences of my own life.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 103892
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 31 
Published: Sep 13, 2014Views: 5,155
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5)

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