DOSE:	1 hit	vaporized	Cannabis	(extract)
	1 hit	vaporized	DMT	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

210 lb

Time: 9:00 A.M

Substance:
.1g Cannabis wax/concentrate
~75mg n,n-DMT

I had slept for four hours. I have no responsibilities at the moment, what would entail me to be up at 7:30 when I slept at 3:00 A.M? I had ran a total of 15 miles the day before, with an endurance run in the morning and basketball at midnight with friends...

'What was wrong with me?', I wondered in pacing frustration. It was not uncommon for me to feel this way at times, a more or less 'emotional catalysis' that I attributed to anything from being awake past midnight ('The feels hour'), to experiencing romance, to the position of the moon and planets, and even the notion of 'the male period.' (which holds some scientific merit)

Long story short, I had a problem.

The location we played basketball at last night had a piano in the same auditorium. Playing that instrument drives a passion in me...allows me to channel the emotion and frustration with it that I hold in my head and heart. I realize that my heightened emotional state was going to start eating me. I can't allow that, and I needed guidance. People have been advising me when I have sought it. I can't love them more for who they are, and for whatever problems I have brought to them I can't thank them enough for their support.

This morning...it was time to communicate with the spirits.

As I said before, I was awake since 7:30 A.M...I was contemplating...seeking solace. A calm sea within my psyche from which to see further than I ever have before. I sat with my sister. I shared sentiments of the day's feelings, and talked with her at length of our troubles. We shared some dabs, as all siblings who imbibe will well tell you, is pretty awesome. After this, around 8:55, I asked that she leave me alone for a while...I had a journey to take...answers I sought.

Within the confines of its small amber vial, the elegant child of spirituality and man's ingenuity sat, letting off what seemed like an almost faint sheen in the shade of the morning sun. With great caution, and a certainly shaky hand, I portioned out what seemed plenty for my questions. The journey I was about to take, I have taken with others many times before and even once alone! But not this. Not this size of a dose, not this mentality, not from my bong...many knots, that became undone.

Upon the dabber was already held a small morsel of amber shatter, whose color did very much resemble the glass from which I had taken its partner. Whereupon I finished shaping the base, I rolled it upon the spirit molecule, and pressed it down gently to form my vessel. I put my headphones on. I heated my nail, and pressed play.

In with the good shit, out with the bullshit.

I held my wind for what seemed like ages, releasing only when I felt I could no longer contain my coughs. Do you know that sound you hear, when you switch on an old T.V? That 'click' followed by a sharp zap of the monitor switching on? My vision went black for a moment, only to be replaced by what looked like 'The Universe: HD edition.' Within the next moment, my head instinctively hit the wall I was sitting lotus upon, and *sssstttttrrrrrreeeetttcccchhhhh........KAPOWWWWW*

Off I flew, or so, I felt. =]

My heart began racing, and it was losing the competition haha! Breathing was as rapid as the shapes dancing within my vision, the brick wall directly ahead of me had become a canvas of every pattern, shape, color, and orientation.

The ground beneath me felt foreign, as if I wasn't truly touching it, simply hovering over it. I was clearly still in the world. I didn't take so much to send my mentality as far as my physicality, but that in no way shape or form denounces the coming experiences. This was the head of the journey. As my heart continued racing, and my breathing at a fevered pitch, I had begun to feel this emotion...this same emotion I was struggling with before the hit, as I now was catching my bearings.

Again, I didn't exactly FLY through the spiritual barrier, it felt as if I simply got launched over the line, and slid back down the carnival slide to our plane within the next minute.

I began to feel panic... I began to feel death incarnate, or so I would describe it... I felt pity, anguish, despair, destitution...akin to something of a nervous breakdown. My heart and breathing were even more intense now!

And suddenly...without any call...without any other way to aptly put it... I hugged myself. I bent my head forward, sitting lotus position, and wrapped my arms around my chest and shoulders. I embraced myself and held myself. I began crying. I felt in that moment, the child I still feel like inside, but the man I became. I was my own best friend. I loved myself. I-LOVED-MYSELF. WITHOUT FEAR OF DOING SO, WITHOUT ASKING WHY, WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT TO FEEL EGOTISTICAL OR SELF ABSORBED....I gave myself the support I denied.

In my head I even told myself it was alright, 'This is what love really is... what I seek.' I began laughing amid my tears. I had reached a moment of such intense beauty, and emotional clarity. A moment that I feel will truly make me smile, every single time I think of it.

I opened my eyes, the world was just as peaceful and yet vivid and wild as I felt inside now. I hugged tighter, this is what I wanted. This is the advice I sought. To appreciate myself for who I have been, and what I am capable of. To appreciate my world, body, mind, and how I am in it, because I work hard to do so. To appreciate the blessings I've received, and the challenges I've overcome, as much as I seem to appreciate the obstacles I haven't quite surmounted yet.

I took my glasses off (I had sunglasses on) and took a deep breath. After this, I stood up and looked to my left, and saw the sunlight emanating out from the backyard of my home. I decided to walk over and bask. I nearly fell unto the wall (still was pretty lethargic due to the dose), and as I stared down at the concrete floor beneath me, I thought once more of the experience I just undertook. The world was slowly coming back to normalcy visually, but this was the last and most beautiful thing I can say I remember.

I looked upon the floor, and as I was once more overcome with the same tears that I felt pulled pain from my body, the ground beneath me changed! The stolid and hard gray that had dominated my field of view, morphed into the most beautiful aquamarine... then to a royal navy, then to an electric blue... I can't much describe how THE ENTIRE FLOOR was but a color, in such intensity and vivid hues that I wording it may simply become a repetitious attempt at a proper description.

I don't know what to make of the color, it could have had to do with my emotion as well, I'm no expert on colors and emotion, but blue would represent 'sadness' or 'anguish', and in a sense, as my tears fell, I kinda feel like they took all the blue with them, and colored the floor for me. I took a step, and as if a shockwave had echoed from my foot, the whole entirety of the ground returned to its urban simplicity in a rolling motion. I walked a lap around my house to get the kinks out of the wiring, and oh, by the way....
This was all-
in fifteen minutes.

Peace and love, I think I'm gonna go do another just for the fun of it now that I feel straightened out internally. =]

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104062
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Apr 20, 2021	Views: 464
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Cannabis (1), DMT (18) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1)