Citation: Delta Mike. "The Secret Sessions: An Experience with MXE, NBOMe Series, LSD, Cannabis & Sleep Deprivation (exp104136)". Erowid.org. Oct 13, 2016. erowid.org/exp/104136
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I have always been something of an insomniac and most nights I stay up until around 4am playing computer games and smoking weed while my fiance and flat-mates sleep. I have a basement room ('The Den') with a projector, Playstation 3 and no windows which is perfect for doing this.
Recently I have become a little bit bored with this but haven't found it any easier to sleep so I started experimenting with mixing in a little Methoxetamine with the weed to see how it alters my perceptions. This has led to increasingly larger doses being taken of MXE and increasingly bizarre nights in which I feel as if I am actually taking part in the games I am playing. This culminated in the experience I am about to share. I am soon about to re-enter education and have decided that once the MXE and weed ran out I wasn't going to buy any more as I was finding myself staying up until 2pm the next day and then sleeping until 9pm.
I am a relatively healthy 25 year old male. My previous experiences include LSD, Ketamine, MDMA, Speed, 2CB, DMT, Mushrooms, Cannabis, Cocaine, Salvia and a bunch of other assorted things I'm forgetting.
12am: Have my first joint. I only have some sativa weed which makes my mind race a little bit. I stick on 'The Last of US' one of my favourite games of all time and start playing through it. I check how much MXE I have left and realise I have reached the end of the bag; about 100 mg left. My normal dose is about 2-3 lines totalling between 50 - 80 mg so there is only really enough left for one more big hit.
12:30: Decide to take a tab of NBOMe. I haven't tried this substance yet since I have a lot of acid and am a little wary of this new chemical. Apparently it is around 900ug of a combination of 25I and 25C NBOME. I place one tab under my tongue and leave it there.
1:00: I look at the time and It's at this point I decide to finish off the MXE. It's now or never, due to the very long onset of MXE and very long duration (compared to ketamine anyway) I need to do it before it gets any later. I place the remaining fine powder in two huge lines and snort them both using a straw. I'm not feeling anything from the NBOME yet.
2:00: Departure from baseline. The MXE is definitely kicking in. I can always tell the onset by the sense of wobbly confusion and my hands and lips feeling weird and alien. Slowly the familiar setting of The Den becomes more and more unfamiliar and the events unfolding in the game take on a new significance as my mind becomes disassociated and starts drawing alternative pictures of what's happening. The game has strong horror elements and violence which becomes increasingly shocking and jarring in my current state. I briefly consider changing what game I'm playing but decide to press on as the intensity of this experience is a real rush.
2:30am Start feeling myself being drawn into a K-Hole. Normally I try to avoid going this deep with MXE due to its long duration. I am now no longer focused on the game at all but am still playing on auto-pilot while my mind wanders down increasingly bizarre corridors. I also now feel something else as well that must be the NBOMe. It's something that is counteracting the sedative effect of the MXE and instead of the usual dulling of colour I find common with Ketamine/MXE they are now a more vibrant and fuzzy colour. It's hard to explain and its subtle but it felt like something underneath the MXE propelling me forward which I was enjoying.
3:00 K-Hole. I begin spinning the camera round and round in the game so it feels as if I am on a really fast carousel. I don't know why but it makes sense and is what I want to do. My head tilts back. Whenever I enter a K-hole I always feel as if I am being laid back by something as if to go to sleep. The light in the game throws a criss-cross pattern of shadows across the in-game ceiling. I start looking at the criss-cross pattern and then suddenly I enter the pattern. It is no longer just a pattern but now a series of cells, like biological cells. I start imagining the people I know being organised into these cells as well as other things. I can't remember much else but I remember being deep in a K-hole for a few hours after that. My main thoughts were how everything has a need to become one, to achieve singularity, but how this is impossibly because there always seems to be two opposing things in nature, in society and life in general. As with ketamine, people I know are presented to me, friends, colleagues, family etc. There presence is always significant and as usual I feel like there is a big answer to a big question there but just outside my grasp
as usual I feel like there is a big answer to a big question there but just outside my grasp
6AM: Emerge from the K-Hole. Can still feel strong MXE effects and still notice an underlying NBOME effect as well which is welcome. Vision is distorted and broken. The game sits in front of me idling. I have another joint.
7am: Go to bed and lay next to my fiance. I am wide awake and only feeling some residual MXE effects but know I need to go to bed otherwise she will come looking for me in The Den when she wakes and she doesn't know that I take MXE down there by myself and I don't want her to as I'm not sure how she would react. In the morning after an MXE binge I always feel in remarkably good spirits and when she gets up I chat to her happily about our upcoming wedding and our dog, Jake, who is staying with her mum for a couple of days.
9am: My fiance and my flat-mate leave for work. I go back down to The Den but the lack of windows feels oppressive when it is light outside. I realise I have a window of opportunity to take some acid I have as I have the place to myself until that evening and no commitments or anyone to bother me. I take two tabs as I know from experience they are not very strong and keep them under my tongue for an hour until swallowing them. I listen to some music and tidy up the flat a little. I am in very good spirits. My mind keeps imagining conversations with people I was talking to at the weekend, they ask me questions or challenge me in some way and I answer them. This seems to be so I can conceptualise my thoughts more clearly or something.
11am: Starting to feel the onset of the acid as I realise that my flat-mates boyfriend, G, is home. Try to disguise the fact I am starting to trip hard as it would be opening a real can of worms to try to explain why I am tripping at 11am on a Monday morning. We sit down in the living room which is filled with sunlight and start playing Mortal Kombat. I'm aware that I'm saying some slightly odd things and am struggling with whole sentences and thoughts. I'm hoping he doesn't notice. I am loving the visuals I am getting, fractals and patterns everywhere which fill the room and cover every surface.
13:30 G leaves and I am left to my own devices. I am now tripping seriously hard and am loving it. My thoughts are racing as I have 3 or 4 different trains of thought at once. I try to tidy up the flat some more but keep getting distracted and caught up in something else. I have about 4 or 5 different tasks that I am trying to complete at once and realise I am only making more mess as I keep picking things up to put them away but end up putting them down and leaving them in random places.
15:00 Realise I need to phone my college to find out details for my enrollment day. Spend an hour trying to find the letter with the information I need as I know that a phone-call about this kind of thing will be very difficult, but give up after going through drawer after drawer of paperwork while tripping. I make the phone call but can't articulate my thoughts properly. The woman at the other end asks which courses I am doing and I can't remember. I panic and hang up. I call back again after practicing what to say but it is another train-wreck as all the words come out in the wrong order. I make the third phone call and although I must have sounded quite unhinged I get the information I need and write it down. During all this I get very frustrated with my inability to complete this simple task. I start talking to myself in an effort to concentrate my efforts and focus on what I am trying to do, which does help a little and I continue to do this intermittently throughout the day. I realise this must be what it to be mentally insane as I wander around my home muttering and moving things around randomly.
16:00 Happy that I managed to achieve the task at hand I go to the shop to buy some cigarettes. The woman in the shop asks for my ID which freaks me out a little and then she wants to talk about the the ID policy of the shop. I do my best to make pleasant conversation but am aware I may have walked away a little abruptly. I go for a walk around the block. I live in a very vibrant but poor neighbourhood with a lot of immigrant families and ethnic minorities. I enjoy walking around and taking in the sights and sounds and people-watching through my sunglasses. I keep thinking how great everything is and how pleased I was that this was all going well. I go back to my flat.
18:00 I have finally finished most of the tidying in the flat with some considerable effort. I'm not tripping so much now but I always find with LSD that after the strong tripping (fractals, patterns etc.) goes away I am left with a sense of wonder and everything still looks great. I still have some closed-eye visuals.
19:00 My fiance comes home and she drives me through to her mother's house to pick up the dog. We have a great chat on the way there. My head is a bit scrambled but I find articulating my thoughts a lot easier now. She doesn't notice that I have taken anything and I don't tell her. At her mother's house we have dinner which I actually really enjoy. I hadn't eaten anything all day and LSD and MXE don't suppress my appetite an awful lot I find. I am impressed that I am actually pulling this off and the day has gone ahead without a hitch or without my being caught out taking drugs in the daytime by myself.
21:00 Back home, watch TV with fiance and flat-mate.Have sex with my fiance which is great, the only down-side being I finish too soon which is extremely unusual for me. I decide that if that's the only negative effect of the day I'm not doing too bad. Feel very positive about life in general.
23:00 Fiance is going to sleep. I lay in bed but find I am unable to. Realise I have been awake for about 48+ hours but still can't sleep
I have been awake for about 48+ hours but still can't sleep
. I am reluctant to go back down to The Den as I am worried that this will start the whole cycle all over again and I know I can't pull off another 24 hours without sleep and with more drugs without some serious consequences.
12:30 Give up on sleeping and go back down to the den. Roll a very strong joint to make myself sleepy and turn on the game 'The Last of Us' again. I suddenly start feeling panic creeping over me. I feel really stoned but it gives me this weird sinister, dark feeling. I try to concentrate on the game but it is very intense. I start getting into it. I am hunting monsters and humans with a bow and arrow and a knife. I enjoy the feeling of killing people in the game. I start worrying about the secret drug-taking sessions I have been having and the fact that I can't talk to anyone about the weird feelings I am now having as it would mean telling all. As has happened with previous sessions the word 'Junkie' and the question 'Why are you doing this?' becomes prominent in my brain. I start worrying I have a drug problem as I am taking increasingly harder drugs now by myself for no real reason. I start thinking about how this could lead to a split-personality disorder of some kind as I lead two different lives, one very secret, and exist in different mind-sets.
1:30 Annoyed by these feelings I go back upstairs to go to sleep. I lay in bed awake in the dark next to my fiance. I am still having closed eye visuals which are surprisingly strong and are now frightening. I remember the worst trip I ever had when I accidentally took a huge dose of pure psilocybin thinking it was ecstasy. I remember how I felt I was going to die and start worrying that I will die this time. I keep trying to tell myself that I am just having a comedown, that this was inevitable and that none of the substances I have taken are going to kill me but the CEV's are incessant and the darkness and silence are making it worse. I feel real panic creeping over me as the impossible shapes and visions I am having terrify me. I feel the urge to wake my fiance up and tell her how I'm feeling, to cry, to admit all and beg for forgiveness. I am put off the negative repercussions and the selfishness of waking her up at this time to do this.
2:30 I go back down to the Den and put on a podcast to listen to. I laugh a little at how bad it was upstairs in the bedroom and say out loud 'Fuck that shit!'. Everything feels better in the light and having something to listen to takes my mind off things. I decide to sleep down there. Eventually I get some sleep and when I wake up I feel very tired but no longer feel any effects of the LSD.
This experience was one of the most intense I have ever had for various reasons. I have so far managed to not buy any more weed and MXE as that tends to lead to me taking it by myself late at night and I have decided that this is not a healthy habit to have, especially given the potentially addictive nature of these substances. I also realise it is only a matter of time before my fiance finds out about these late-night drug sessions and that it would be better to avoid that issue altogether by not continuing. Although she is also an occasional drug-user I don't want her concerned about my new tendency to take them by myself.
I have written this report as it is the only way to vent the feelings and thoughts I have had and I decided during the experience that I had to do this in order to avoid any negative psychological impact. I feel better for doing it, I appreciate the different perspectives it has given me but as with every time I take acid I always make a mental note to take it at a more appropriate time next time
every time I take acid I always make a mental note to take it at a more appropriate time next time
and to stay off it for a while before doing so. With regards to MXE I am not buying any more again. I find it calling to me when I'm not taking it and compulsive dosing and re-dosing seems to be an issue. Me and my friends call it 'Devil-Ket' for this reason. I am also surprised and pleased with how I was able to carry out a relatively normal day even while under the influence of these substances. With my new studies ahead I am pleased I have had these experimentations but know I need to nip it in the bud as it could so easily de-rail my life. I have seen the doctor about my insomnia and am now on course to resolve that issue which should negate the desire to take drugs all night long.
Thank you for reading.
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