Citation: IBStudent. "PTSD Caused by My Own Mind: An Experience with LSZ (exp104187)". Erowid.org. Oct 10, 2015. erowid.org/exp/104187
5 Months ago I decided to drop acid for the 2nd time. The first time I tried LSD it wasn't a completely a pleasant experience but it intrigued me enough to try it again now that I had a better idea of what to expect. This time I tried LSZ which is an analog of LSD. Mainly because it was easy to acquire and legal to buy (at the time, may not be legal now). There weren't many differences between LSD and LSZ, I say LSZ did have better closed-eye visuals though it also didn't last as long.
Anyway it was a weekday, I woke up early (so I had enough time to stop tripping before parents got back), I also ordered some benzos which were suppose to arrive that day, so I had the peace of mind of taking a chill pill if I had an unpleasant experience again. I planned to take it in my room which I felt was the most relaxing place in the house for me.
So I took 1 tab and laid in bed with some headphones, also put a movie on to watch. I started off a bit anxious because of my previous experience and was constantly checking if I was tripping or not. After about 30 - 45mins I would say I noticed things get 'trippy'. I went a bit for a walk around the house to try to ease my anxiety because I was constantly subconsciously thinking about avoiding a bad trip, it helped a bit so I decided to just lie in bed and enjoy my music to ease the anxiety even more. As I got more into the music the visuals got way more intense, I was enjoying this for a while and my anxiety cleared itself.
After a while I started thinking to myself 'what if my parents come back unexpectedly', I got those thoughts out of my head and went back to my music. I started replying some songs that I was listening to, and then again I was having the same thoughts about parents coming back unexpectedly, fast forward one more time I realised I was constantly thinking the same, I realised I my thoughts were looping and I panicked. I threw the headphones off me to break out of it and tried to concentrate on the movie instead, but it was useless and I had to go for a walk so I went in to my garden. Yet again my thoughts were looping, everything I did triggered another loop, I was circling back and forth between my garden telling myself 'I'm fine now the loops broken, I'll go back' I got scared as I walked back to the entrance of my house, turned back, calmed down, 'I'm fine now the loops broken, I'll go back'. Panicked again, this time my neighbours intervened and asked for some help next door, I obliged and went next door.
They asked for help with their laptop, I couldn't see a thing because of the visuals, navigating the computer was a mission, I was still looping I'm fear, told them I had to rush back to get something, went back to my house couldn't go upstairs because of the fear of where the loop started. This is where I freaked out and started thinking I was stuck in time, I walked down my street and it seemed like every step I took lasted an eternity, I kept looking back to make sure I was actually moving. Had to keep checking my phone for time to make sure it was moving forward, every time I checked it seemed only seconds had gone passed even though it felt like minutes to me. I tried to call a few friends to help me out but it was useless I was just non stop looping in fear and paranoia, whatever questions they asked I took the wrong way. I just felt trapped in my own mind, realising I can't escape my own mind drove me even more insane, I kept having an urge to run away to escape it all but I knew I couldn't. Anyway, Long story short, I got my neighbours to take me to AnE [accident and emergency department]. I tried to get some benzos there because I was too insane to realise the postman had actually delivered the ones I ordered...
Once in AnE, still looping of course, after I don't know how long, I got some Diazepam, but by the time I got them the LSZ had pretty much worn off. (Lasted about 6-8 hours not sure) Called my neighbours to pick me up, I was still shaken by the whole thing so I just got in bed and took another 3mg of my benzos to knock me out.
The next day, it just felt like a bad dream, I felt fine. I was still a bit shaken by it all but nevertheless I was no longer looping or paranoid, I just felt embarrassed and guilty about going to AnE. Skip ahead a few days, I realised I could not listen to the same music I was listening to when I first panicked. I would get incredibly anxious whenever the song got to the part which I was listening to when I panicked. It was hard to force myself to sit through it.
Maybe a week later I ate a weed brownie, it induced a panic attack and from that point I suffered a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, with recurrent flashbacks of the trip. LSZ gave me PTSD which has almost disappeared 5 months later, I no longer get panic attacks or constant anxiety but certain things can still trigger it. I spent the first 2/3 months in constant fear and depression but it slowly got better. I went through about 40 benzo pills in that time, I would have been crippled without them because there were times when I couldn't leave my house because I was so anxious.
Don't make stupid mistakes like I did, always have a sitter and benzos and never underestimate how important set and setting are. I will probably never touch psychedelics again, I have been through a lot of experiences since that trip and have realised I don't need drugs and they are not worth the risks. An acid trip however good it is, is not worth risking developing chronic mental health problems.
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