Citation: C-MAN. "A Weight Lifted: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp104258)". Erowid.org. Jan 13, 2021. erowid.org/exp/104258
I just got back from my Ayahuasca retreat in Iquitos. I did 4 ceremonies with a Shaman and drank Ayahuasca each time. Each session is like a year's worth of psychotherapy.
I kept a journal of my sessions.
First session of Ayahuasca
Don Luis knocks on my door 'It's time'. A group of us walk to the temple to do our first session of Ayahuasca at approximately 8:00pm. I am excited and nervous at the same, knowing I am about to ingest one of the most powerful psychedelics known to man. We enter the temple which is shaped like an octagon. There is a table where the Shaman and his apprentice sit and mattresses spread out evenly along the walls of the temple. I choose the bed closest to the Shaman for peace of mind. The ceremony starts and the Shaman throws strongly scented fluid of some kind on the temple floor and begins to do a whistle. The whistle had a magic quality about it and set the mood for the evening. The Shaman then uses tobacco smoke to smoke his hat, his shaking leaves and the ayahuasca cup.
The first cup of Ayahuasca is poured and given to another participant. I am last to receive my cup of Ayahuasca and I watch as the Shaman pours my cup. Glup gulp gulp it fills, he stops pouring for a second and says 'Ohh hahaha', then shrugs his shoulders and pours until the cup is about to overflow. I receive the biggest cup of Ayahuasca out of all of the participants for this session. I trust the Shaman and do not question how much has been given to me. The apprentice shaman approaches me with the cup and hands it to me. I set my intention by closing my eyes, holding the cup in my hands and I said in my mind 'Dear Ayahuasca, I surrender to you, I trust you know what is best for me'. After I set my intention I announce 'Salut Maestro'. The shaman replies 'Salut'. I drink the bitter brew of ayahuasca quickly and pass my cup back to the apprentice. The taste was quite bitter but I have tasted a lot worse so it was okay. We do a 5 minute meditation after ingesting Ayahuasca and then the Shaman begins singing the Icaros. It sounds beautiful and about 20 minutes after ingesting I begin to feel the effects start.
First I started feeling a tingling sensation in my head that was pleasant and then my body started feeling it all over. I started to become a little more warm and the Icaros were beginning to start feeling magic. My body became quite heavy and then a feeling of nausea set in. I began to start seeing a psychedelic pattern in my vision, eyes closed or open it did not matter. The nausea became more powerful and I started to throw up. Purging is expected during Ayahuasca and is a very powerful cleansing process. You not only throw up vomit but negative energy which you have been carrying with you for a long time. The purging was absolutely gut wrenching and exhausting. The ayahuasa session seemed to go in waves of thought or purging but I was mostly purging during this session. After every time I threw up there was a brief moment of relief as I could breathe and euphoria rushed over my body. I had visions of me standing still in space and time and everything was just going by me. Night and day would pass quickly, good and bad. I did not quite understand what it meant at the time but now that I think back I think it was showing me that all things will pass in time. I had a vision of a devils face and it did not scare me, I suppose my experience with psychedelics may help with seeing things that would usually scare someone. I zoomed into the devil's eyes and as I got closer it turned into a black cat and I went into its eyes and was shown a beautiful moonlit lake.
My visions did not last long before I felt very sick and continued my purging process. About one hour into my session I needed to go to the toilet and I mustered all my will to look in the direction of the toilet. I hesitated as I was feeling very heavy and very dizzy and a voice in my head that I have come to believe is mother ayahuasca told me I need to go to the toilet. I followed her advice knowing if I did not go to the toilet I would go to the toilet where I was laying and I stood up and immediately threw up. Standing up was not an easy undertaking. Fractals were taking over my vision, my balance was no where to be seen. The apprentice shaman showed me out of the temple and performed a protection spell on me before I went to the toilet. After finishing on the toilet I stumbled my way back to the temple, spewing multiple times on the way. I walked to my bed which was next to the Shamans table and just stood facing the Shaman hunched over with both hands on my knees. Swaying backwards and forth and shaking uncontrollably. The Shaman stood up and approached me and performed a few things on me. He doused me in some king of fluid and the smell was extremely overpowering. It was like strong cologne but I could not escape the smell because it was all over me. It begun to burn my skin. He sung an Icaro to me which calmed me down and blew tobacco smoke on my head.
I was focusing on breathing and when I was standing I had a vision of what I will become after my Auahuasca sessions. She said I was a warrior and it gave me the strength to fight on. After standing up for about an hour I sat back down and continued throwing up. Sitting up made the nausea slightly more tolerable but I was unable to lay down a majority of the time because it was make me throw up immediately. I was absolutely exhausted from throwing up and it felt like 7 hours had passed. Before I knew it the ceremony was over and I was like 'What?'. I was still throwing up and tripping so much I could not walk. It took me about half an hour before I could muster the strength to stand up again and return to my hut. More spewing continued when I returned to my hut and the shaman and his apprentice stayed until I stopped. They said I had a lot of Karmic energy and trauma which is why I was purging so much. It was a lot of work and I felt like I did not have the energy to continue anymore. It felt like the nausea was getting worse and they gave me some sort of juice to hasten the end of the trip. The throwing up finally ended and I crawled into my bed, absolutely spent and passed out. It felt like it was only 2 hours until sunrise but it wasn't until two days later that I found out that the ceremony only goes for about 4 hours. Time dilation was crazy.
The next day after I woke up fairly early in the morning and felt pretty tired but felt fairly normal. Just like a big night out on the town. I was thinking a lot about past things in my child hood. After talking with some of the other participants the day after they said it's part of the process to think about past experiences. I felt like I was thinking my way into a negative state again but relaxed and allowed the process to happen.
Second session of Ayahuasca - Black Ayahuasca
The second session of Ayahuasca was performed in the same way the first session was only this time we were drinking a stronger brew of Ayahuasca called black ayahuasca. Black Ayahuasca is made from the base of the vine and has a higher alkaloid content then the rest of the vine. The shaman tested my pulse to determine how much of the brew I would be ingesting. This time I received just over two mouthfuls. The two mouthfuls of this brew were just as strong as an entire cup of the anaconda ayahuasca which would be like 8 mouthfuls.
I started my trip laying down this time which helped a lot of with the nausea but it wasn't kept at bay for long. As with the last session I was purging a lot. I had visions of what I would call evil entities that were controlling the world with their supernatural powers. I had visions of America and nuclear destruction of anyone who they deemed unworthy. I had visions of America's citizens being totally under control from these evil entities, eating junk food and being brain washed by television and media. Unable to escape the grasp of these evil entities. I seen entire cities obliterated by nuclear weapons. I was just observing these things and it was not scary. I was a lot more calm this session and trusted things will be okay. I was using light to protect myself from the outside world, creating a light sphere that my entire body was contained in. Nothing but positive energy could penetrate its outer layer. I had a feeling that I would no longer experience anxiety in my life. I was saying to myself, 'I am not afraid of death' and that I cannot be anxious about it.
Every time the anxious feeling would start I could recognise it very early on before it started getting out of hand and said 'NO!, you are not welcome here!'. It came back a lot of times throughout the session but in the end I said 'No!' once again and used light to explode the dark energy. If I could give an example of how it looked I would say that Dragon Ball Z is your best bet. Pure white light, rapidly and explosively controlled by me entered the spirit until it was obliterated. The realisation that I was a warrior was strong now and that nothing was stronger than me. I had a lot of quick visions that I am not able to recall during the ceremony. After the ceremony had ended Philip the apprentice shaman performed an icaro on me and poured some liquid on my head which smelled terrible. It made me throw up immediately. It felt like he was ripping dark energy out of me, it was good. We stumbled back to our hut and layed down on the bed. I had a lot of quick visions that I am not able to recall when I was laying in my bed. When I woke up in the morning I feel a lot more positive, like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. I have a nice afterglow now. I am looking forward to my following two sessions.
Third session of Ayahuasca
Third session was with black ayahuasca once again. This ceremony I only had just over one and a half mouthfuls in my cup but even that small amount was hard to drink. This trip was very positive and light compared to the previous two trips. I had to use my imagination to start the visualising process but once it started it was good. I was seeing everyone I cared about in my vision one by one and saying 'Positiva Energy'. I thought about my mum a fair bit and how much she looked after us kids. Always giving us a nice house to stay in and food on the table. I appreciate the amount of energy she put into it. I think she has done a marvellous job considering the circumstances. I did not throw up during this ceremony which must of let the Ayahuasca move into my digestive tract and start processing there because after the ceremony we went back to the hut as per usual and 2 hours later I started traveling. It startled me a little because it was so long after the ceremony but it felt nice. It was like going down this psychedelic tunnel of waves and light. I realised that I am a warrior and a healer. I was doing a hum that would vibrate my whole body and everyone around me can feel it. I was healing Tina by humming and visualising white light emanating from her whole body. I pretty much finished the night by purging on the toilet and I had a restless sleep afterwards.
Fourth session of Ayahuasca
This session I received one mouthful of Ayahuasca. Whilst it was such a small amount it was no less difficult to drink. I did not think I would trip on this session but I ended up having a very vivid recollection of my life. It started with my earliest memory and worked its way up to my current time in chronological order. Things I have never thought I had remembered were remembered and it was a cool experience. I think my life would be an interesting book to read so far. There was no nausea or purging in this session. This was my last session of Ayahuasca for the time being.
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