Memory Retrieval
Citation:   Shazbok. "Memory Retrieval: An Experience with Butorphanol (exp104290)". May 7, 2019.

5 mg IM Pharms - Butorphanol (liquid)
I am not an experienced drug user but I work in a job where I have access to drugs and I figure not trying them is like working in an ice cream shop and not eating ice cream. Plus trying them myself gives me an insight into their clinical effects, so it's, like, for science.

It was a Friday evening alone in my apartment. As I am not hardcore, I started off tentatively, injecting 0.1 ml [10mg/ml] at a time into my thigh. When nothing terrible happened, I ended up injecting 0.5ml incrementally over about 20 minutes and lying down on my bed.

The overwhelming effect was sedation. Ultimately, this knocked me for about 20 hours. Unfortunately, I had to go to work the next day looking and feeling seriously fucked up and having to catch some sleep whenever I could and with very tiny pupils. So if I do it again I will be setting aside the entire next day to sleep it off. Thankfully I don’t drive to work– that would have be 100% out of the question. I had enough trouble trying not to get run over crossing the road.

The most profound and surprising effect however was on my memory. The butorphanol seemed to ‘irrigate’ the dry soil of my memory. All of these memories—not important ones, just random snapshots of say, some Wednesday afternoon at 15:09 when I was eight--appeared to me. It was like I had hit upon a cache of temp files. It was vivid and absorbing. It’s quite possible some of the things may have been invented rather than remembered but I found it curious how there was nothing recent – nothing beyond early adolescence. And nothing bad, which was nice. That said, I recognised that my mind was so open that I could have brought it anywhere at all and it would have had a field day so I made a decision to stay away from anything dark.

I had tried ketamine previously (admittedly not enough for a K hole experience) and found it mindless and unpleasant, though interesting for the way it distanced me from my body. However, butorphanol seemed to have much more hallucinogenic potential for me. As soon as I closed my eyes the images were coming, both complete and detailed scenes from memory as well as in the blackness in front of my closed eyes--this was like a mental doodle pad. My mind felt very much more open and malleable than usual, like I had access to parts of it I don’t usually. Annoyingly whenever I said anything out loud it brought me out of it, which would make it difficult for me to record my experience ‘live’. It required a sort of concentration from me, it didn’t ‘take me over’; I had to want to go there.
It required a sort of concentration from me, it didn’t ‘take me over’; I had to want to go there.
It was quite like lucid dreaming—maybe it was that.

The one thing that would put me off doing it again was the respiratory depression, which was profound. I took my respiratory rate at one point and it was two breaths a minute. They were fantastic breaths—deep, long, slow, filling my lungs to capacity—but still, two. Two is not good. Also there were a couple of times when I found myself suddenly gasping. It didn’t distress me and I didn’t feel oxygen starved but obviously I needed more than I was getting.

I was feeling smug about my lack of nausea and dysphoria until I got up and ate an ice pop and instantly felt like puking. I took some oral metaclopramide which I had obtained for the occasion (actually for some fentanyl which I haven’t had the guts to do yet) and that sorted it. Then I went back to my memories.

I imagine I will do this again, it was too intriguing not to.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104290
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: May 7, 2019Views: 922
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Pharms - Butorphanol (307) : Health Problems (27), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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