Amanitas - A. muscaria
Citation: Giselle. "I Am the Universe Experiencing Itself: An Experience with Amanitas - A. muscaria (exp104308)". Erowid.org. Jun 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/104308
This was the first time I tried Amanita muscaria. I don't have much experience with psychedelics in general except for Salvia divinorum and Cannabis but this was really something amazing beyond any of my expectations. I didn't prepare extensively for this trip mainly because we stumbled on the mushrooms while hiking. As we found only 2 specimens, we decided the dosage was only enough for 1, and so my roommate agreed to be my sitter for this trip, and take notes on anything interesting I said.
I picked 2 orange Amanita muscaria mushrooms (1 large -22 cm height -10 cm cap, 1 small -5 cm height) that I found under an old pine tree in a forest opening where the ground was covered with pine needles. The forest was very humid and wet as it rained the day before (beginning of September). I sent some pictures to an expert mushroom hunter to have them identified by someone trustworthy.
I sliced them thinly while they were fresh and dried them overnight on a heater in my house. The next morning I dried them further in the oven in the lowest setting for 5 minutes to make them crispy dry. I ingested an anti-emetic drug (metoclopramide HCl) to help with the nausea at this time. Then I sliced the mushrooms into smaller pieces and brewed them in 1 mug of water at 80-90 Celsius for 30 minutes. I waited for it to get cool down, filtered the mushrooms and then drank 2/3 of the liquid. The taste wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. It tasted like a mushroom soup that definitely needed some salt. While waiting for the effects to begin, I started watching a Louis CK stand-up show to pass time and to lighten the mood and elevate my anxiety about the trip to come.
t+25 min: I started to feel the initial effects
t+25 min: I started to feel the initial effects
(increased focus on things I didn't even realize before, tingling, twitching and a tiny bit of nausea)
t+30 min: I realized I can't focus on the show I was watching anymore as I was perceiving everything happening all at once -the leaves moving, the bug on the window, how the sunshine is penetrating into my room, the movement of my friend's finger on his keyboard, how the screen was flickering etc. At this point I thought I needed to watch something interesting and I decided to go with Cosmos. It can easily be the best decision I've ever made in my life.
t+45 min: Within just 15 minutes of watching it, I realized that what I'm watching is not just an image anymore -it was expanding before my eyes and soon enough it encompassed me and became the universe. Not image-wise, but as an understanding. I thought I didn't even need to watch it anymore (I've watched the full series before while I was high and already got that level of understanding) and started explaining how I saw the universe. Here's what we could save: I was living and perceiving everything at that point within tiny time intervals that had no meaning in the real-time. I could perceive everything all at once, and if my intervals had a unit it would be something much less than seconds. What I was seeing thinking and experiencing was happening and changing infinitely in just one second, and I found it exhilarating. I tried writing it down but my fingers were somehow not up to the task, they were too slow to follow. I tried to explain my sense of time to my friend and he took some notes:
- The universe works in the speed at which the ink touches the paper. If that is approximated to one second in real-time the speed of the universe would be 0 and infinite.
- The speed is not faster or slower; it flows in an infinite speed yet it's stationary, it is 0.
- I am everywhere, I am infinite and I am the universe.
It was around this point I realized I was seeing colorful threads, lines and dots in an extremely arranged manner in my own room. It was on and through the walls, ceiling and floor, it was everywhere. I perceived this to be the universe and I could set the center of it wherever I wanted: When I fixed to a corner of my room where 2 walls meet with the ceiling, I could see strings coming out of this point towards all directions with equal, tiny spaces in between each thread. When I positioned myself accordingly, I could see these threads as dots, as they were 2 dimensional. From a different angle, they seemed like threads. At first I thought the overall shape would be something resembling a pyramid shape, then I was convinced it was a sphere. A sphere with all the beautiful colors of the spectrum, shining and pulsating, a dot at the center, expanding it's threads to infinity. It contained and was everything, all the people, everything ever created, every thought, every song, every living and inanimate thing was in there and I could see it all in my own room. It was breathtaking, I was in pure bliss being able to see and understand it all. The rhythm to which these threads were pulsating was in total harmony with my version of time, everything was flowing amazingly and made perfect sense. My friend took a couple more notes but sadly, I don't remember exactly what I meant when I said these.
- There is a synthesis in everything, talking and happening is in synthesis.
- We exist as separate entities and at the same time we are one. We don't realize this state of being one when we are living in real-time.
- To see everything you need to see nothing. I see this universe filtering through the web of colored strings that is the universe.
t+2 h: I got up from the couch I was lying on and I was still talking about how I see the universe and explaining these to my friend with that state if mind. I knocked up a few stuff lying around and started laughing as I realized I was capable of perceiving, thinking and understanding such beauty and my body wasn't really responding to my commands. I tried to hold my phone, my pack of cigarettes and the ashtray but my fingers couldn't keep them. After a couple of seconds, I dropped them all against my will.
At this point I wasn't feeling nauseated anymore so I drank some water and ate a sandwich and it felt amazing. I was laughing and in complete bliss. I was thinking about duality and how no matter how different two polar opposites are in their nature, they come together as one. There was really no such things as opposites anyways, these forces weren't fighting for a victory over one another, they simply were and it was beautiful.
t+3 h: My friend asked me if I wanted to go out. I was still in bliss, but I was also curious to see what would happen if I saw different things. At this point I was thinking everyone is an atom in a different reality, or a choice made in another person's life that existed hundreds of years ago, or an object in a different place at a different time. I thought everyone had been and will be different things throughout time, and there will be nothing left that is not experienced. I thought when I'd die I'd be a thought in someone's brain without him even realize it. Then I'd be a river or something else. So truly, I felt immortal. I would never disappear into nothing. I felt like I contained the whole universe and it was too much. I was still happy though.
t+3.5 h: I was fixating on how I want to stay within this state but I also wanted to finish the rest of the liquid. I was afraid it'd be bad but I did it anyways. Immediately after drinking the remaining 1/3rd of the liquid we went outside. After approximately 10 mins I lost nearly all control of my legs and started to stumble very badly. Walking was extremely hard
Walking was extremely hard
but then we sat under a tree and everything was good again. I couldn't get back to my thoughts about universe and bliss, but it still felt nice.
t+ 4.5 h: I was intrigued about curiosity. The need to understand everything had to be the most important thing, as I understood that all the inventions and creations of mankind sprouted from the need to understand the universe. I couldn't understand it at this point though, but I was at peace with that. Even though I couldn't see the colorful strings anymore, I thought I still contained them and that was enough. I got up desperately trying to keep my balance. I fell down and got bruised all over. If I was alone, I'd probably lie down somewhere till the trip was over as I fell down again and again maybe 50 times in 20 minutes, it was a good idea to have someone around to help me get my bearings straight. If it wasn't for my friend, I definitely wouldn't made it back home (he said he had to carry me for a while). I screamed a few times as I feel down, and I remember screaming the number 3 for a while, though I have no idea why.
t+8 h: I woke up in my bed totally sobered up. I don't remember going to bed or have any memories regarding my dreams. I remember entering my home with the help of my friend but nothing after that. I guess it wasn't such a good idea to go outside or drink that last bit, but the experience overall was amazing. I will definitely attempt Amanita again but be more careful with the dosage.
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