DOSE:	1 g	oral	MDMA
		smoked	MDMA
		smoked	Cannabis
	1.5 g	oral	MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

8 st

[Erowid Note: The doses described in this report are potentially life threatening. The amount taken is beyond a heavy dose and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Doses such as this have been known to cause hospitalizations and/or deaths. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
I've been taking pure mdma and ecstasy tablets for a year now, at the beginning about once or twice a month but for the past few months (since April 2014) I've been taking a Half gram of mdma every weekend, plus pills sometimes as well. I do not smoke weed at all. I have tried it in the past before ecstasy but never enjoyed it.

Towards the end of the summer I decided to take as much as possible to try get the same buzz I felt from when I first started taking E. On a Friday at the end of august I took half a gram and also smoked a bit of a joint. As I got the bus home that night I noticed the trip starting to turn very strange and nearly came close to an acid trip. (I have taken acid a few times the month before this, so I thought they were flashbacks from it.) as I walked down a road to get home it was like even though I was walking forward, the walls and trees and everything were moving in the opposite direction and going very fast too. I felt no connection to reality at all, my vision (even though it was clear) felt very foggy and circular, very dream-like and not real. This had never happened to me on mdma before. I imagined it was due to smoking weed with it, as I'm not a smoker at all.
The following day, Saturday, I took 6 pills, I had an alright trip, just a completely normal but weak ecstasy buzz. The euphoria and eye rolling and jaw clenching weren't there at all, but still felt chatty and good over all.

The next day, Sunday, I went to a friends house (the person I buy my MDMA from). He gave me a bag of mdma and said 'take as much as you want, I'm sharing all of it around'. So at first I wrapped about a gram in a tissue and bombed it. Took a few pulls on a joint with mdma in it, then dropped another gram and a half. (2.5 grams in total.) Once it all hit me I couldn't move or speak, I sat on the couch staring at the ground and I felt distant from everyone and everything. I had no thoughts at all for a few minutes until I realised I just needed to get home. I got someone to text my mum and have her collect me. So as I was walking to her car, which was about 10 minutes away, I felt the same trip as the other night but far more intense, too intense. I felt like I was in a video game. No connection to reality at all. I started seeing people and figures that weren't there and hearing conversations in my head and seeing faces when I closed my eyes. I was very calm but only because I didn't even know who I was or what was happening. I can handle heavy trips and I have experience with handling bad trips, but this was something else. I noticed I couldn't walk properly either, my legs were shakey and wobbly and it must have looked very obvious that I had taken something.

Eventually I reached my mums car, I got in and she knew something was wrong. She asked me if I had taken anything and I said no. She had a song playing out loud on her phone and it was haunting, the music made the trip unbearable and my heart was thumping extremely fast and heavily. I got inside the house and went straight to the kitchen, this was about 1am. I sat and stared at the table and felt like I didn't exist. I had no idea if I was alive or not, the closest I can describe it is being inside a dream that didn't make any sense at all. I then got up and went to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognise myself at all, I literally thought I had died and this was how you felt after you had died. So I had to tell my mum and she brought me to the hospital. As I went in I had accepted the fact that I was dead, it made a lot of sense and I even said it to the doctor. They pumped my blood and put me on a water drip for a few hours and eventually they said I could go home, this was 6am. I can't remember coming home or leaving the hospital at all, so even to this day I have thoughts in my head questing if I even survived, or have I moved to a different reality. Ever since then the trip is still here. It's very weak but I still have the dream-like feeling and the lost connection to everything and reality. I have taken mdma twice since then, which obviously didn't help. It made the trip come alive again and destroy any connection to the world.

I feel dizzy and disorientated every day and I don't know if what I'm seeing is really there or not. My vision is quite poor too, blurry and slow, hard to focus. I want to continue use of mdma, but in order to escape this horrible trip I'm in I will have to wait a few months, maybe a year til it cools down. I also had 'brain zaps' for a while which are like electric shocks through my brain and body at random moments especially at night which disturbs sleeping patterns.

I just wanted to know if this has ever happened to any else? Has any one abused ecstasy and had long term effects that really mess with your head? I need to know that someone understands and that I'm not the only one, it's really unsettling.

Exp Year: 2012-2013	ExpID: 104372
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Sep 16, 2019	Views: 872
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MDMA (3) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Post Trip Problems (8), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)